


Mnemosyne: Bedeviled

by FeyNWiddershins



Series: Mnemosyne [3]
Category: Daredevil (TV/Comics), Jessica Jones (Comics/TV), Marvel (Comics), Marvel (Movies), Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Adult Content, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Gen, Major Original Character(s), Marvel 616/MCU Crossover, Original Character-centric AU, Other, Sexual Content, explicit content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-05-19 18:39:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 43,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5977066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeyNWiddershins/pseuds/FeyNWiddershins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Following Mnemosyne: 'Me' Time</p><p>Tessa remembers all of her experiences. That doesn't mean she learns from all of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Relative Terms

December in the city was surreal. There was no snow on the ground yet, but everyone treated each morning as if it would bring the great white blanket. The chill from the air made smells sharper, so it was spiced this and peppermint that everywhere you went. There was no snow but it was freezing. Ice made travel downright perilous. The sun hadn't been seen for more than five minutes in weeks. And yet, the energy was upbeat. Festive. 

This would mark Tessa's first holiday season on her own in the world. She had never personally celebrated anything, but she had enjoyed Hanukkah with her first girlfriend. She imagined she'd get a taste of Christmas this year. Maybe more than a taste. There had already been two surreptitious attempts to sniff out present ideas from her, by two different people. This would apparently also mark Tessa's first gift-giving season ever.  Buying Jess and Matt presents didn't bother her. What scared the hell out of her was getting the gifts. There was almost zero chance they'd end up being real surprises and Matt would know that they weren't even if she lied. He'd also know if she was lying about liking it. It was a car crash waiting to happen. 

Obviously, this holiday season would bring some challenges and with those a few changes. The only two things poised to remain perfectly constant were Matt's nighttime Daredevil escapades and the unrelenting badgering from Foggy about their relationship. Thankfully, after their first few dates, Jess had given Tessa the 'rules for sex in the apartment' talk and left it alone. Awkward as that was, it had only been two rules and had taken all of thirty seconds. Then, she couldn't have cared less about Tessa's goings on, at least not in a nosy way. So, Tessa got a break at home, but at work… Foggy was a professional at this sort of thing. He was masterful, kept it fresh, and was incredibly observant. And for all that, his enthusiasm completely trampled over any discretion. He didn't even wait for other parties, involved and un-involved, to completely leave the premises before he started in on it. At that moment for instance, Tessa could hear Foggy's snide comments to Matt even over Jess's complaints about her new neighbors in her office building. 

The four of them were supposed to be preparing for Ingold's trial, a rape trial, for god's sake. Had he no decency? 

"All hours. No time is sacred. Fucking maddening." 

"Could be worse. Could be… I dunno, them having loud, kinky sex all the time." 

"Tess, I would take that over hearing one more goddamn jazz saxophone solo. And they're not even good." 

Tessa stifled a snicker. "Is this the guy that's just… kinda there sometimes when I bring you dinner?" 

"Who? Oh, no. That's Powder. He's… just… invasively helpful. I think he comes over when he can't study anymore. He helps. Or thinks he's helping. It's easier just letting him do his thing." 

"Uh-huh…" Tessa was having a hard time focusing. She could hear Foggy asking about her in the other room, and her interest was in no way peaked by scrolling through a never-ending phone log. "Oh, my god. This will be the death of me. I will die an impossible death, my eyes having bled out from reading this. How many times did this moron need to call the cable company to order his porn? I mean, come on. How does he not know he could do that straight from the menu?"

"How _do you_ know that?" 

"Firsthand experience." Tessa waited a beat for the reaction from Jess before continuing, "Plus, Tony Stark knows that. Therefore, so do I. The number of times I saw that man's memories… you know what? Let's not talk about this anymore." 

"Fine with me. Before I get distracted, though, the apartment's all yours this weekend. I've got some surveilling to do and won't have time to come home. So, yeah… you know what that entails for the place. Check the mail. I know you'll remember to do that. I never do… I bet we have enough credit card offers in there to paper the walls. Besides that, if I can't tell what happened and or is happening when I come inside, it's fair game. And next time, tell me if you're ordering. We'll go halvsies." 

"You got it, Jess. All of my illicit activities I will conduct per your requests…" 

Matt would have liked to hear where that conversation was actually going, but Foggy was being impossible to tune out. He straightened the third stack of papers just shoved at him and then interrupted Foggy mid-thought. 

"I have to stop you there. No more. They're right there in the next room."

 Foggy took the pages back and flopped them in a drawer, closing it after a pause. "Nah, she's talking to Jess right now. And they're probably having the same discussion. Why in the hell it's been actual weeks and not even a kiss. I mean… those lips of hers… I don't get it, man. You two have crazy self-control, and I don't mean in the Catholic complimentary way. I mean in the 'this is sad for you' way. Especially after your 'I see with my hands' move fizzled. Next time you tell that story, just go ahead and say you kissed her." 

"Just because I didn't doesn't mean it was a failure." 

Another drawer slammed as Foggy blew a raspberry. He was rolling his eyes, no doubt. "Yeah, Matt? Then, what would you categorize it as? The result was not what you were aiming for --and you know it-- thus, it was a failure. I don't care if it… felt like she had breathed the air straight from your lungs, or whatever Whitman bullshit you told me it the next day. God, where did Karen put those billing receipts?"  

"Failure is a relative term, I'd argue, Foggy. With the two of us being who we are, just being in the same vicinity is like… Remember when Mrs. Langston left that Christmas tree in her living room until Valentine's Day?" 

"Aw, that was awful. Next to the fireplace, poor little old lady. That house went up in… oh-ho…" He was grinning, shaking a finger at Matt. "Oh, I get you. You're just waiting for the house to burn down! Hot! Hot tamales, right?" 

"She is… ahem. She always holds my attention," Matt said, thinking back on that night, and then cleared his throat again. "You should call Karen, ask." 

"No, no. She's taking personal days when she never takes personal days… I don't want to butt in where I'm not wanted." 

"That's a minor miracle," Matt scoffed.

"Oh, you want me butting, I know you do. Otherwise you wouldn't get to brag again about your extremely sultry lip stroke." Foggy climbed back up onto his feet and brushed the dust off his knees. "She's playing you like a fiddle, doing things like that. I know you know that, but it feels good to say. And this is just exactly what you deserve, only getting a little taste. So, tell me, just how was your fleeting moment amazing enough to warrant not being considered a failure?"

 "I've told you already, you just weren't listening. That was the Whitman bullshit you referred to just now. She's… a force of nature, being around her is like being caught in a tornado. Touching her hand? That, by itself, was a sensory overload. There's so much to take in. And she's so unpredictable I'm… left reeling. The other day, after dinner, just out of nowhere, she pulled me into a shop and bought a pint of gelato. It was thirty degrees outside. She said she'd never had pistachio gelato and she couldn't not know for herself what pistachio gelato was like anymore. She hated it and it's in my freezer now. I would never have guessed she would do that. I can't tell… _on my own_ , but as I pay attention… more conventionally, I am learning things. Like--" 

"Okay, calm down, Heathcliff. We are in the workplace after all." He was basically overturning their only filing cabinet now. It was going to seem like their offices had been raided. "Keep it PG. Back to the _other_ stuff. Do you at least now have a picture of her in your mind?" 

"I already told you this, too, but no, not really. She didn't give me a chance. I have a… general impression, but something is better than nothing." 

"You're grinning. You like this! She's like opening a present for you…" 

"In a way, yes…"

"Aww, Christmas metaphors!"

"Okay, when you're finished destroying our filing system, I think you should give up, text Karen, and then we can all go for lunch." 

Foggy dropped what he was doing immediately and stomped towards the door. Matt was allowed silence long enough for him to determine that Tessa and Jessica were now no longer discussing illicit activity, but instead the rather banal topic of cell phone reception. 

"Ladies, my associate has decided that I'm over-stressed and require a lunch break. Are you ready to give the nose-grinding a rest for some food? They've already got Christmas ham two doors over."

Jess let out an enormous sigh as she stood, eyes on her buzzing phone. "As much as I would _surely_ enjoy lazing about here, I've got big kid work to do. You know, for money, for the living and the paying for crap. So, unless you two moochers are suddenly offering compensation for my time, I'm outta here."

"I can pay with my good company," Foggy offered as she hurried out the door. Jess was amused enough to pause and pat him on the shoulder. 

"We can't all be pro bono. I'll see you po'boys later."

"Oh… no, I changed my mind. I want chowder. You think we can hit the wharf and get back in reasonable time?" 

Matt began to shake his head but then paused, turning towards Tessa instead. "I don't know, what do _you_ think, Tessa?" 

She tugged at her hair. They'd been talking about this for a few days now. Matt hated keeping things from Foggy, some residual guilt. This was an opportunity she'd agreed she would take if it presented itself. And here it was. No Jess, no Karen, just the three of them. The opportunity to reveal her secrets, laid out on a silver platter.  

"Yeah… I… I think we could manage it. I know a way." 

Foggy looked between them, brow dropped. "Guys, Karen's out. We can't leave the firm for more than fifteen minutes or we could lose… okay, so we probably wouldn't lose business, but you never know! I was being unreasonable." 

"Maybe not," Matt shrugged. "Tessa?"  

"What spot were you thinking, Foggy? Did you have something in mind?" 

"Yeah, it's this little shack--" 

Tessa reached out and grabbed his arm, having taken Matt's hand already. In a blink, the three of them found themselves in the back alley of said chowder shack. Foggy looked like he'd been struck by lightning.  

"I--I--you just--we're--I--" 

"Come one, Foggy. We're on the clock, remember? We'll explain when we're back at the office."  

Matt tugged Tessa along and Tessa tugged Foggy. They'd get him in line one way or another. They actually had to drag him all the way, and order for him. He seemed to be in some kind of shock-based catatonia. Even once they were back at the office, delicious chowder steaming up into his face, he just stared at Tessa.

"Is--is he okay, Matt?"

"He's just processing it, I think. Or he could be furious at me for not telling him, but I doubt it. His blood pressure's not high enough for him to be angry. Foggy, your chowder's going to get cold."

"My impossible chowder," he mumbled, finally looking down at it. "Is it even real? Or do I just think it smells delicious? I'm actually just breathing in an open sewer right now, aren't I?" 

"God, no. I wouldn't be able to be this near you if you were," Matt said casually, taking the oyster crackers Tessa was offering to him. "It's real, Foggy. Tessa, would you care to explain?"

"Nah. You'll probably tell it better than me and I'm busy." She shoveled the soup into her mouth. One nice thing about her invincibility that she'd never expected to benefit from was not dealing with the pain of burning her mouth on food ever again.

"Tessa is the host for a cosmic entity called Mnemosyne. We were right about the powers, but not the source."

"Okay, yeah, memory powers, we guessed that early on, but you said nothing about teleporting!"

"Phasing," Tessa corrected automatically.

"What?"

"Not teleporting, phasing. There's a difference, though I could never listen to Stark's ego-stroking explanation long enough to find out what."

Foggy looked from Tessa to Matt with some kind of incensed confusion. "All that talk about the gelato and you couldn't mention that she was like… twenty times more badass than we'd assumed."

"Tch, you told him about the gelato? That makes me seem like an impulsive weirdo." 

Matt gave her a little grin as Foggy's eyebrows attempted to escape his face into his hair. "I thought it was endearing." 

"Blah, blah, sappy blah! What about the magical super powers?!  Sorry, but… _priorities,_ you two." 

" _What_ about the magical super powers?" 

"Well, are there more? How'd you get them? How do they work? You know, normal super power questions…"

 It took about twenty minutes, but Tessa and Matt got Foggy pretty well settled with the extent of Tessa's 'magical super powers.' He fell into a kind of tolerant placidity right around the point she explained the pervasiveness of her abilities. He had that kind of 'well, now I've seen it all' face on from then on out. Clint had that face sometimes, Tessa noted to herself while Matt tried to clarify the immortality bit.  

"So, you don't age." 

"Don't think so." 

"No bullets, nothing hurts you." 

"Just this one knife. It was weird. Healed right up." 

"Okay, so to recap: immortal, can teleport and read minds and change memories. You're an x-man. I've seen you in the news." 

Matt sighed and Tessa pushed aside her bowl. "Phase, not teleport. It's dependent upon memory. If someone has a memory of a place, I can be there. Same with the rest, I can read memories, not minds. People have to form a memory about something for me to pick it up."

"So… you're just a telepath with a time delay."

"No, I--uh… well, that depends on your theories about memory formation. I'm pretty sure from my experience I don't have access to every thought a person's ever had, but I haven't tried… and I don't think I'd want to… so… that'll just be up to theoretical debate. Ha." 

Foggy had a little frown on his face as he pushed around his largely uneaten and now cold chowder. "Between the two of you… it's a damn good thing I don't have any secrets. I'd have zero chance of keeping them." 

"I don't listen in. And I mean, I purposefully try _not_ to hear all the shit swirling around my head. It's why I wear a dampening suit literally all the time." She took his bowl and poured the chowder into a coffee cup, setting it on top of the radiator to warm up. "I don't want your secrets, Foggy. Don't you worry. I don't even want my own secrets…" 

A jolt of understanding changed Foggy's expression. He gave her one of his sympathetic smiles, the kind she saw him flash Matt most of the time, and then changed gears abruptly. He grabbed his phone from a jacket pocket and swung around to his chowder heating by the window. "Well, I for one am glad that someone's secret around here is actually useful. Now, we can have any food we want for lunch. Now, we can go to Florence for lunch! You, ma'am, are one handy lady who… has been very helpful for so many reasons and I hope that that help has been ethical, but I'm not asking because I trust your character and Matt's judgment, I'mgoingtotextKarennowbye."  

"That… was sudden…" Tessa turned to Matt. 

"He just realized that all this time you could have been manipulating the evidence if you had wanted and it freaked him out just enough to wonder if you have. He'll move past it in a second. Thanks for telling him. I feel better now." 

"Well, he already knew most of it thanks to the zero privacy policy between the two of you."

 "I… speculated with him over some things when you and I first met. But not for long." He looked sheepish enough for Tessa to leave it alone. He was lucky that Tessa had better self-control and discretion or he'd be in the same situation as her, but with Jess at some point. 

"So, what is going on with Karen? Is she okay? I don't think I've ever seen her not here." 

Matt folded and unfolded his hands, his lips pursing. "I… don't know, for certain. She's taken a personal day… for the last week. She's… alive, if you're worried about that. She called in and responds to texts. I checked in on her apartment twice and she's been there…  She's just not coming into work. Something's happening in her life, something she's not telling us. Whatever it is, she doesn't want to be around us while she handles it." 

"You really don't know?" Tessa asked when she saw the frustration on his face. It seemed so obvious to Tessa. "She's in love with you, Matt. I knew the moment I saw her in the same room as you. I hope you were delicate when you broke the news about us trying things out. I hope she wasn't stuck trying not to react while Foggy got all giddy about it."

He shook his head. "No, it's not that. It has something to do with--with the Fisk fiasco. I-- What's wrong?" 

Of course, he heard it, the way her heart jumped into her throat. It was still lodged there, pounding, as she stared at Foggy's laptop screen. "U--unmute Foggy's computer. Th--the spam video…" She lunged over the table and slapped indiscriminately at the buttons until the sound blazed out. 

"… on video phone here on the sidewalk of Stark Plaza. The video is shaky and from a distance but the gist of the interaction is clear. Captain America does not like what Mr. Stark has to say about something." 

Tessa pressed her hands over her face as she saw Captain Rogers bear down on Stark, looming over him. Stark barked right back up at him, angry Chihuahua snapping up at a _much_ bigger dog. He flailed and gesticulated, as dramatic as always, but not nearly as terrifying as the still fury of Captain Rogers. Seeing him that close to Stark's face, just seething, made Tessa's hair stand on in. This was bad.  

"The only things we've been able to decipher from the audio are short snatches of the conversation, single words. It was a heated argument, but they seemed to be keeping it quiet. Mr. Stark definitely can be seen here, saying 'boundaries,' 'reckless,' and 'responsibilities,' while Captain America can be seen responding with what are analysts argue are 'corruption,' possibly, and 'responsibility' as well. Their argument was cut short by the less inconspicuous members of the paparazzi--" 

Matt leaned around Tessa and shut off the audio again. "That's from a gossip site, you can't take their speculation too seriously." 

"We're supposed to side with Cap, right?" Foggy asked from the doorway, holding up a similar video on his phone. 

Tessa's head was swimming, fear making it hard to think. This was what she had been worried about, this was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. The world was going to fall apart now, her world was going to fall apart for the third time in the past year. The air was too warm in this room, sweat was beading on top of her lip, across her brow. Her ears were ringing so loudly Matt could probably hear them. The warmth made it harder to breathe, her chest felt too tight and her stomach was in knots.  

"Tessa?" Matt's hand was on her shoulder. She was shaking underneath it, her body heaving as she fought to breathe. "You're hyperventilating." 

"Jesus, do we need to do something?"

 "I think you're having a panic attack, Tessa." 

"What do we do for panic attacks?"

 "Turn off that video and get a pot of water boiling." 

"Are you going to scald her out of it?" 

"No, it's for tea. Tessa, will you raise your arms above your head for me? Just put them up in the air. Good." He sat down beside her with a hand on her back. "Put them back down. And then back up again. Good, just keep doing that."

Tessa kept raising and lowering her arms as she fought to control her breathing, but Matt's hand was solid and still. She leaned back against it and focused on that steadiness. After a moment, she could focus again, could watch Foggy fumble with a kettle of water. It occurred to her to tell him he needed to heat the teapot, too. 

"Can you match your breathing to mine, Tessa?" Matt again, voice so quiet and calm. She could hear him, the air in, the air out. She tried to slow hers to his pace. In a second she had, and her head felt more solid, though the rest of her was like jelly. "Good job, Tessa."   

His other hand caught her arm and set it gently down on the table. "Good job. You're okay." 

She was okay, but everything else was not. "I… I haven't had _… that_ kind of attack in… in a long time." With a bit of difficulty she managed to close her hands around the cup just set in front of her. Or… not just set in front of her. It was already cool. She had been focused on just breathing for some time now. 

"It caught you off guard. The news… You handled it well, considering." Matt's arm was around her shoulders now, other hand on her arm. He was wrapped around her in a cocoon of calm. "How do you feel now?"

 "Foolish." The tea was a nice touch. It had an immediate calming effect. "Sorry about that."

 "Don't apologize, please." Foggy was sitting down now across the table. He was flushed, looked like he'd done his fair share of panicking while she was out of commission. "Are you--are you alright?"

 "Yes, Matt was right. Panic attack. I'm fine now. Really, I should have seen it coming, all the anxiety lately… It just… Bad surprise. You, uh, you handled it well." Tessa put her hand over Matt's on her arm. 

"Well acquainted with them. Can we get you anything else?" 

"No, unless you can tell me that video I saw was a fake…" 

Matt sighed, "sadly, no. Now's probably not the time to--" 

"I'm fine now." She took the phone Foggy was passing to Matt and scrolled through the web results. "I knew this was going to happen, but… for some things, knowing it's going to happen doesn't make it any less scary. Maybe I'm overreacting, but I have a really bad feeling about this." 

"Wh--what's happ-- Can I ask that now? Can I ask what's happening?"  

Tessa passed the phone back to Foggy and shrugged. "I don't really know what's happening. I mean, I don't know the full story behind it, only that it is happening, it's not good, and it makes me nervous."  

"Is this what… made you come to Matt again, back when you two weren't talking?"

Tessa nodded. "Yeah. Something has been brewing for a while. I noticed things were off a few months ago. People in… my old circle were suddenly not around as much, ones who get along usually, unlike Cap and Stark, were falling out. It's all over something… something to do with our community, the superhuman community, and… I'm thinking now, how we fit in this world, our civic duty." She reached into her bag and pulled out Jess's magazine from a couple weeks ago. Finishing reading it had taken her a little while, but now she was glad that she had. It's been an omen. 

Foggy caught it as it slid across to him, smoothed out the pages. "Tony Stark, New Man, New Duty… a Civic Duty. Yeah… that… that's foreboding. Civic duty… that's a pretty loaded term. And ambiguous. I mean, it's different for each person, I'd imagine." 

"Yeah… exactly…" Tessa pushed the heel of her palms into her eyes until she saw stars. "Now you're getting why I'm nervous. It's fine to have debates over that, the definition of a big term like civic duty, in, say... political science classes, in philosophy journals, as academic discussions. But when it becomes a determining term in the real world, like in global legislation… when it's the thing that will decide if you're on one side of a fight, or another… My… my friends are all running towards a place where they won't be friends anymore all over this, this subjective... line in the sand… and it's terrifying." 

Foggy closed the magazine slowly, stared at its cover. "And… do you think one side is right?"

Tessa glanced over at Matt. He'd been suddenly silent. He would know that what she was about to say was a lie. "No. It's too… iffy." 

"But, with your powers, your magical super powers, can't you at least… get a general idea of what is for the best?"

"My powers have to do with memory, remember? I'm not… a… a… an authority on cause and effect. And I can't see the future, that's for sure."

"Well, what about the superfriends using your powers? They haven't confronted you to get a consensus on how they should… approach their civic duty? From the people? You know, like an opinion poll?" 

Tessa slipped the magazine back in her bag, feeling a cold stone drop into her stomach. "They… they have, actually. Well, Stark tried that before… but I turned him down. I thought it was immoral, unethical… because I thought it was about his own vanity… I… They haven't approached me since then for this sort of thing. No… no one's approached me, actually. I… I honestly think it's because the big players… I think they've forgotten about me in their feuding."

"You think? Or you made them forget?"

Matt's head snapped up at the question along with Tessa's. She found herself very close to feeling offended. But then again, for anyone who didn't really know her, the question would be a completely reasonable one. Tessa did, after all, have magical super powers. In a peculiar way, she had the potential for world-altering magical super powers. It was just her conscience keeping her from shaping reality to her will. The realization chilled her. 

"No. I--I-- I couldn't. I _think_ they forgot. I have morals."


	2. Gestures

By the time the evening of Christmas day arrived, Tessa was exhausted, stuffed past bursting, and really not looking forward to another present-opening situation. Things had been okay with Jess, but she had been the practice round and Jess's idea of a gift was hard alcohol, for giving and receiving. Tessa's surprised yet delighted expression when opening the frankly enormous bottle of amaretto had been accepted easily. It had helped that Jess had been sloshed on cocoa and peppermint schnapps and focused on finding a way to add her new bourbon to that mix. Matt… would not be as easy. 

"There you are." He stood as she phased into his living room, big smile on his face. "I was beginning to wonder if you were going to blow me off." 

"Me? Skip out on you? Ha." Tessa set down her things on the table and then kissed him on the cheek. He'd been drinking. Maybe he would be as easy as Jess. "Hot totties, Matthew?" She knew the honey smell immediately, recognized the warm feeling. 

"Only a few. I can have a cup of coffee if it bothers you." 

"No, no. Please, enjoy your holiday buzz." It made this whole thing less uncomfortable for her. "So, how'd your, uh… what did you call it? Your gift exchange party go? Did Karen show up?" She let him take her coat and then began making herself a pot of tea. 

"She did. It's called Secret Santa. And… it was interesting, predictably. We almost exclusively bought each other liquor, so… good drinks." 

Tessa laughed as she pushed herself up onto the counter to wait for the kettle to boil. "I wouldn't expect anything else with you three. And it was the same with me and Jess. So, you bought Foggy a gift, I remember you drew him, and who drew you?" 

"Karen." Matt leaned beside her, putting a box in her lap. "Her… personal time was… complicated, I think." 

Tessa couldn't decipher the expression on his face, so she just turned to the box. Inside was a bottle of aged whiskey, about half empty. "More than a few drinks, Matt…" she rolled her eyes as he giggled. Picking up the bottle she found a note attached around its neck, naturally in braille. She ran her fingers over the raised dots and they came to life, a ghost of a memory immediately ambushing her. She set the bottle aside and jumped down to pour her water.  

"That's a fine whiskey. What's on the note?" 

"Let's just say… she apologizes… for overreacting." 

Tessa scoffed. There was something on the tip of her tongue, just begging to be said, but her better nature kept it quiet.  

"Go ahead. Say you told me so." His tone was so playful, Tessa almost did. But this wasn't a joke. It was Karen's feelings and the dynamic of their friend group. 

"Nope… I'm not going to do that, mostly because you actually already knew about this and just weren't dealing with it… and because I kinda wish you were the one who was right. It would've been less awkward for everyone involved if it was something else. … Why didn't you ever do anything about... that?" 

"Hmm?" 

She turned around to find Matt right behind her, her hair running through his fingers. He grinned like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. 

"Focus, Murdock. Or I _am_ going to ask you to drink a cup of coffee. Can't be getting all frisky, sniffing my hair." 

"Whoops."  

"'Whoops.' Real cute. Behave or no presents." 

"No presents? What'll I get instead? Switches?" 

"Coal. So, again, why didn't you ever do anything about that situation, since you knew?" 

"About Karen? I… you know, it was never the right time… and she… she does still have that… something that's still off with her. There were reasons. But it doesn't matter right now, because I have a gift for you…" 

Tessa waited patiently, now on the couch with her tea, as Matt rustled around in his bedroom. He came back out with a box, which he put into her hands as he took her cup, and then sat down beside her, arm around her shoulders. 

"You sure," she asked, weighing the parcel in her hands. It felt substantial. "You sure don't want to go out tonight? You don't have to waste a patrol doing late night Christmas presents with me."

 Matt chuckled. "It just started snowing. I won't get much out of it until it settles a little and I can adjust. My senses are at a handicap with it for now, and frankly, I'm drunk. It's Christmas. I'm Catholic. Someone else will take care of things for a night. So… no, you are stuck having to go through this uncomfortable ritual of gift exchange with me." 

"You knew?" 

He nodded. "You grind your teeth when you're worrying over something. Every time gifts were mentioned, what did I hear? Erch, erch, erch, you wearing down those molars." He tapped her jaw and then the box. "Open it." 

Tessa narrowed her eyes at him and then turned to the box. "Nice wrapping job…" 

"You didn't want anything to do with gifts, so I didn't gift-wrap it. And stop stalling." 

"Ugh. Fine." She lifted the edges of the lid, finding herself genuinely surprised at what lay inside. "Matt…" 

"It's the thought that counts, right?"

Tessa was speechless as she picked up the red and black body armor, turning it over in her hands, feeling the stitching cross-hatched over bullet holes. It was worn and charred in some places, smelled of blood and sweat. Tessa loved it. She loved what it meant. Setting it aside, she grabbed Matt and kissed him. It wasn't their first kiss, and the mask was still between them, but it was special. It was the first time she'd felt like she couldn't not kiss him. 

He hummed as she leaned away, ran a thumb over her lip. "You like it?" 

"It's wonderful. Lemme see the new one." 

"Kiss me with the mask off." 

Tessa laughed. He _was_ drunk. "Show me the new suit and we'll see where we're at." 

"I can't believe you're making me barter for your affections," he teased, standing up and unlocking the enormous wardrobe by his stairs. He set a chest down in front of her and pulled it open. Tessa lifted out the false bottom and grinned, pulling the new suit into her lap. It was a work of art, and more importantly, it felt denser. 

"Very nice, Murdock. I approve, particularly of the armor bits. I… hesitate to say this, but I look forward to seeing you in it. Okay… time for your gift."  

As Matt put the chest away, Tessa made a moderately big show of retrieving a box from the counter. "It's funny that you didn't wrap mine… because… I didn't wrap yours either." Finger run around her neck, Tessa suddenly felt the hiss of unfiltered air rush up and over her face. Across the room, she heard Matt inhale sharply. 

He sat back down on the couch quickly hands out. He was expecting her bare hand again, no doubt. His head quirked to the side though as he waited, as the fabric of her mask fell into his hands instead. Tessa fought a grin as his mouth dropped open just a fraction. 

"Gestures make for excellent gifts," she said, taking one of his hands and guiding it to her face.  

Her mask slipped to the floor in a shimmer as he reached the other hand up. Tessa wished he'd taken his glasses off. It would have been a real treat to watch him work through this without them. He was thorough, tracing all the lines and angles, and just as feather light as the first time. As he made his way from her eyes out, Tessa reached for his glasses. He let her and she set them aside on the table, the two of them gazing at one another. As he reached her mouth, that naughty grin reappeared and before Tessa could react, he'd snatched the lightest, most fleeting kiss from her. She slapped his knee, but Tessa had to admit, she'd been leaning into it. It had been part of her plan all along, but the cheeky ass had stolen the surprise from her. 

"Whoops," he said again, beaming ear to ear. He grazed his knuckles over her jawline and then set her mask back into her hands. "Couldn't resist." 

"Yeah, well… I also got you a tie." She set the box on his lap and sealed her mask back on, pressing the edges tightly to her hair line. 

Matt reached over the couch. "And I… got you a book. It's used, but I figured you'd prefer it that way." He handed her a copy of a familiar title, it's famous portrait staring back at her as if it recognized her.  

Tessa turned it over in her hands, a little burn to her eyes. He'd been right, she did prefer it used. This copy emanated memories, tears and frustration and joy. It smelled of coffee shops and bubble baths and the must of old books. She cleared her throat and lovingly thumbed through its pages. "How'd you know I like... biographies?" 

"I didn't. I found out that you like this one in particular… a lot. You were practically the sole patron to check it out at the public library."  

"You been creeping on me, Murdock? Going through my library accounts?" 

He laughed. "I've smelled it on you, the library, the book. Enough to know where to start to look… beyond that…" A grin as he pointed to his glasses on the table. 

"Yeah, you make sad, blind, puppy dog eyes, tell her it's for a romantic gesture and I bet June folds in an instant," Tessa scoffed, thinking of the little librarian. 

"In under a minute I knew your reading history." 

"That's incredibly clever… and thoughtful. Thank you." He was making this hard, her twenty step program. Increasingly more difficult. 

"You are most welcome," Matt said happily as he opened the box and ran the tie through his hands. "This is nice. Silk. What color is it?" 

It was Tessa's turn to be a little shit. She just smirked.  

"What color is it, Tessa?" 

"Red." 

 

With New Year's came another brand, new, exciting experience: Tessa's first sleepover with Matt. As they chimed in the new year, it seemed like a good opportunity to mark off another milestone, and to tackle headfirst a turning point in their relationship. Everything was going to get incrementally more intense from there on out. An overnight visit was the perfect test of willpower and of trust in preparation for that escalation. More than that, though, it was a dry run for the stuff people didn't think of as intimate, but could come as unpleasant surprises once they were invested, like dealing with sleep farts and morning breath. They weren't going to get naked together, but they were about to get way more up close and personal. Being around a person first thing in the morning was a special kind of intimacy.  

All that was left was to tell Jess. Tessa liked to keep her in the know, since, even though she acted aloof, Jess tended to panic when the tabs she kept on Tessa turned up empty. Problem with the whole keeping her in the know plan was Jess had been scarce lately. Tessa had seen the signs of her coming into the apartment, dishes in the sink, empty whiskey bottles on any flat surface, but she hadn't seen Jess herself. She knew she'd only get a side-eye and some kind of bemused comment when she told Jess their plan, but Tessa still felt like she needed to tell her, and in person. As such, on the way back to their apartment to pack her bag that evening, Tessa was rehearsing the quickest, most efficient responses to Jess's incredulity she could think up. All that work, though, ended up being for nothing. 

She appeared in an empty living room, the place looking like it had been ransacked. There was a post-it note with 'sorry' scrawled across it in Jess's handwriting for Tessa on her bed, but that was it. Tessa figured Jess had to have been the tornado that wrecked everything and wondered what she'd been looking for as she started collecting things for her overnight bag. It was weird that Jess was still gone and had been gone much more than usual, even for Jess. Setting aside her pajamas options, Tessa grabbed her phone and finally just called her absentee best friend. It went straight to voicemail. 

"Okay, jerk, you turned this place upside-down and you didn't even have the courtesy to be here in person to explain, so I'm going to leave you a long, annoying voicemail, and I'm not going to tell you what I found out on my Cap v. Tony search today until the end of the message, so you'll have to listen all the way though. I can't find my hairbrush and I'm assuming you stole it, which is also rude. And I'm sitting here packing for my overnight visit and the only thing I can think of are all the clever explanations I had prepared for your snarky questions about my plans, which I won't be able to use because you're not here. I'm missing your surliness, Jess. Where are you, you curmudgeon? This whole ritual seems so empty without you here scoffing through it. I won't be here tonight, by the way. I'm staying over at Matt's. That's what I meant by overnight visit but I won't explain any more to your voicemail. We can talk about it later, if you care to hear. I hope you're okay and I feel weird leaving this place without you telling me to keep my body parts in the right place. Everything in my life is meaningless without your pretended disinterest and coarse support. You're an ass and I love you. I hope you enjoy your New Year's Eve but are mildly itchy all night. And I found out nothing today. Nada. Bye." 

Half way through the message her phone blipped in her ear. When she hung up, Tessa found one of those auto-reject text messages from Jess : 'I'm in a meeting.' Tessa rolled her eyes and threw her phone back into her purse. 

"What a liar. Not in a meeting…" Tessa kept muttering to herself as she packed. She was pouting but, after a few minutes, realized Jess's absence was a relief. It meant that she didn't have to explain or justify what she was about to do after all. 

An hour later, Tessa had appeared outside Matt's apartment door, bag in hand. She considered the door she'd never once looked at with her own eyes and then knocked.  

"Since when do you knoc-- wow. You smell… sterile." There had already been confusion on Matt's face as he opened the door. It deepened as he, sniffing, moved back so she could step inside. "Did… did you leave any skin?" 

"I… may have obsessively showered, yes, in anticipation of… sleeping completely clothed in the same bed as you." 

"Thank you?" Matt half-asked as he took her bag into his room. "I, uh, cleaned."

 "I can tell… And you shaved… really close… I don't know how I feel about it."

He laughed, rubbing a hand over his disturbingly baby-smooth jaw. "You don't like it. I don't need to hear your heart to know that. But, don't worry. It'll be back by the morning. You want some champagne?"

"Please." 

They rang in the New Year with the rest of Manhattan. From Matt's roof they couldn't quite see the ball drop, well Tessa couldn't, but they could easily hear the celebration. Three bottles of champagne and a single kiss later, they were starting the new year together, curled up in bed. Tessa had been in Matt's home many times before then and at all hours, she was very comfortable in it already. Maybe that was why she had no trouble falling asleep in a bed not her own, with drunk celebrators crowing in the streets, and the glow of the ad and belated fireworks lighting up the whole apartment. Or maybe it was him wrapped around her like the warmest, coziest blanket she could have wanted. But probably it was that she was really not alone that night, for the first time ever. Having someone breathing next to her was so comforting, so peaceful. 

As such, it was an especially jarring surprise to have him shake her awake several hours later. 

"Tessa." His voice was urgent, ripped her from the deepest sleep. "Someone's broken in." 

As her mind kicked into gear, she felt who it was immediately, let out a gasp. "Natasha." 

Matt paused. "She… she's waiting for you in the kitchen. Do… do you want me to--" 

"This is your home, Matt. You do want you want." Tessa tumbled out of the bed, groping in her bag for her robe. "I'm not in danger, though."  

"I know," he muttered and pulled a shirt on, following Tessa out but hanging a few steps back. 

Out at his table, Natasha was sitting, gazing out the window at the ad. Her hair was tucked away in a hat, body wrapped in a full length coat. She looked just like any other New Yorker that night.  

"You sure made me search hard for you, Tessa. The last thing I expected was to find you bunking up with a... _blind lawyer_." She paused, a glance cast over at Matt as he stood in his bedroom doorway. Her lips curled a fraction of an inch as Tessa gazed at them. "I'm happy for you. You got what you wanted." 

"I'm working on it." She wouldn't have believed it possible six months ago, but Tessa's tone was actually cold as she responded. "What's going on, Natasha? You usually have more respect for privacy than this. More respect in general..." 

She was still considering Matt, light of the ad catching her eyelashes, making them even redder. "Does he know? He knows, doesn't he?" 

Tessa nodded. 

A tiny, indecipherable sigh escaped Natasha's lips. She stood and approached Tessa. From the bedroom doorway, the floor creaked and Natasha stopped short. She smirked and sighed again. "I came out to find you so I could tell you to take that suit off and run, but…" Her eyes danced over Tessa's shoulder and then back. "You won't do that now, not when you have a reason like this to stay. So…" 

Natasha took Tessa by the shoulders and held eye contact. "You need to erase yourself from us."

"WHAT?!" She jerked out of Natasha's hands and took a step back.

Natasha reached for her again, shushing her. "Keep calm, Tessa, please. I don't want to attract attention… on the logs. Yes, he's been tracking your analog feed. Your transponder is off but the suit takes automatic backups of its base readings, like a computer, and relays it to him. I don't know what he can get from it exactly, but I know he has it." 

Her hand dipped into a pocket, withdrew, a slip of paper in her palm. "I'm going to… This is a dead drop. There will be a bugless suit there by daybreak tomorrow. You have to put it on, throw the one you're wearing into a cab, and then erase yourself from the whole team's memories. Vision will have a virus to corrupt you from his code completely when his organic memory of you fails… It needs to be done. I'm afraid of what lengths some of us will go to in this. And… and you're… You have been a victim of that enough already. Just make us forget and then forget us. You'll have _this_ and you'll be happy." 

Tessa hadn't taken the paper, so Natasha pushed it into her hand then. " _Please_ , do this." Her green eyes held Tessa's for a moment, a chill passing between them, and then she headed for the stairs. As she passed him, she muttered, "convince her," to Matt.  

The sound of her footsteps and the door latch clicking shut were the only things to break their silence for several minutes. Eventually, Matt sighed. 

"She has a point," he mumbled, turning back to the bed. 

Tessa was lost, drowning. When she responded it was basically a whimper. "I--I can't do that, Matt… I can't." 

His shoulders dropped, feet silently closing the distance between them. He picked up the paper she had let fall from her hands and ran his fingers over it. "I know… I know. It's still a good idea." 

Tessa's knees were buckling. She teetered and then sank onto a chair. "I… I… I'm not that person. I don't want to be that kind of person." 

"She wasn't lying, this was earnest." Matt's glasses settled onto the table with a clunk as he too sat. A sigh. "There will be consequences most likely. One way or another you'll get pulled into whatever they're mixed up in. That's what you've been worried about all along. She's offered you a way to avoid that." 

"I know. I… I just… Would you be able to do it?" 

Matt ran his thumb over the paper again and then set it down on the table in front of her. "No… No, I wouldn't." He stood and kissed her forehead, heading back towards his bedroom. His voice was heavy when he spoke again. "I understand if you want to try this again another time, but I have to go back to sleep… so I can be the blind lawyer in the morning." 

"Ca--can I stay?" 

A creak. He'd stopped. Tessa turned to find him frowning. "Of course." He was listening. "Are you okay?" 

It was a sad laugh that escaped her, choked with tears. "No…"

Again he padded back and pulled a chair in front of her. "No, of course you're not. I'm sorry, Tessa. This is horrible for you. And I was being an ass. I'm sorry. Come here." 

Pulling her into a hug, it felt like he had stuck a brand against her skin. Tessa gasped and leaned back. "You were angry?" 

"No," he sighed, "not at you. My temper… gets the better of me sometimes." 

"I'm sorry she just showed up like that, if I'd--" 

"No, Tessa, It's fine… and not even close to your fault. I just… didn't like what she was saying." The rage had dissipated from his surface memories when Matt reached up to cup her cheek. It was cool and dark and calm, like usual. Safe. 

Tessa exhaled deeply, wanting to just melt into him. A decent tug detached her mask from her hairline and in a moment she was lost in Matt's dark world. His hand was warm and his mind was still and Tessa didn't have to think. She pressed her face into his palm, but he caught her chin instead, running his other thumb over her brow and back to tuck her hair behind her ear.  

"Are you going to be able to sleep?" 

She sank back into her body. A deep breath and then she pulled her mask back up. "If not, at least I won't be by myself, like before…" 

 

_Just make us forget and then forget us._  

It was with Natasha's urgent warning playing over in her head that Tessa awoke the next morning. Her half whispered words and those green eyes, they had haunted her sleep. Beside her, though, Matt slept peacefully, as of yet undisturbed. The clock on Tessa's phone read 6:04. She was up early. There was no going back to sleep with her mind racing as it was, but that didn't mean she had to get out of bed.  

Careful not to move too much his arm that was draped over her waist, Tessa turned over to face Matt. He practically had his face buried in the pillow he cradled with his other arm. His hair was a rumpled mess and, like he'd predicted, that five o' clock shadow was already filling back in. She wanted to pull the covers back over her head and wriggle up against him again, forgetting the world, but the opportunity for that had passed. She had things to consider. With a kiss on his cheek she slipped out of the bed and cleaned up. Brushing her teeth and washing her face gave her something to do with her hands while she thought about the choice in front of her. By the time she was minty fresh, Matt was lying on his back, rubbing his face. 

"You're quiet," he mumbled, voice extra gravelly with sleep. 

"You were sleeping like a rock…" She sat down on the bed next to him. "I've been thinking… I know what I'm going to do."

There was confetti on the ground outside of his apartment. The streets still smelt of fireworks and alcohol. The snowmelt was brightly colored. They walked quickly through the streets, arms threaded. Matt didn't bother with his cane when he had Tessa. The dead drop held the promised suit. Tessa stashed it in her bag. She headed straight for Lou's, stopping in an alley part the way there. Matt tapped back out, cane retrieved. Lou's had a breakfast special for New Year's Day, corned beef hash. Tessa slipped back to the bathroom as Matt ordered for them both. When she re-emerged, she was one suit short and one note less. Pinned to invisible fabric, the note had four simple words on it:  

'Don't force my hand…'


	3. Unexpected Guests

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Obviously, this was written long before Civil War came out in theaters. I don't plan on re-working the universe to fit it exactly. For expositional clarity, however, I will say the plot lines will hit similar major points as follows. 
> 
> ***CA:CW SPOILERS below***
> 
> In this AU, the events of the stand-off last far longer, as in the case of the comic arc, taking place over nearly a year rather than a number of days. Primarily, it takes months after the incident in Nigeria (alluded to in 'Me-Time') to actually develop into the debate on an international level that eventually culminates in the UN summit. The Accords are debated over for the usual amount of time in cases of legislation, in my AU's case, around five to six months, during which time the Avengers slowly fall into ethical and principle-based disagreements over the implications of the document. These spits cause discord but not full-out confrontation-- think more disenchanted co-workers than enemies. No one is gunning for ex-team mates, just primarily serving their own interests. Stark still wants oversight to avoid casualties and to assume appropriate responsibility; Cap wants to avoid agendas and manipulation from corruption circa SHIELD is HYDRA era-- because no one entity of control can be trusted to truly act in everyone's best interests-- and, more importantly, to avoid people like Wanda --or Tessa-- being made into someone like Bucky.  
> As of this chapter, the UN summit is still weeks away. Each team is keeping their collective head down, trying to figure out what one another are planning and how best to neutralize any problem the other might create. Stark has taken to surveillance and gentle interventions of the StarkBot variety, in which he tries to corral his teammates back home. He wants them out of the public eye and he wants them safe; more importantly he wants to have the conversation they're all avoiding-- will they sign the Accords or not. Cap is recruiting and deploying a team to do recon in order to figure out the possible underpinnings to the Accords, his trust in government collectives is nil verging on paranoia and he knows Ross's history with enhanced individuals, i.e. Dr. Banner, and distrusts his motivations; he's also still searching for Barnes. He wants to uncover any ulterior motives and bring them to the other Avengers before the Accords become a law rather than an ethical debate. No one wants a fight. The Feds, however, headed by Ross and his taskforce are not so peaceably minded. They want the Avengers sequestered and a Joint Task Force has been assembled to enable this goal. The general population's fear of enhanced individuals -- from AoS's Inhumans to the Avengers -- also fuels this agenda and makes the situation a combustible one.  
> One other important difference-- after AOU and the vibranium incident with Klaue, T'Chaka received a serious injury, hobbling him. He then abdicated to T'Challa the throne of Wakanda and acts instead as the international liaison for the nation while his son rules and defends it, hence his eventual presence at the UN summit.

"Hey, pass me a donut, would you?" 

"There are no more donuts, Jess. You literally ate all of them already." 

"I ate all of them?" An arm shot up from the back of the van and groped around Tessa's lap. She took the box and then growled. "Fuck… I ate a dozen donuts by myself… and I still want another donut. This is a problem." 

"Aren't you supposed to be good at this? Aren't stakeouts supposed to be, like, a forte of yours, or something?" 

"Yes. There's not really a big mystery behind why I'm poor. I'm just horribly unsuccessful, chica. Failing is my forte." 

"Aw, Jess, that's not what I meant…" 

"And yet… your words cut so deep… but… they _could_ be healed… by some more donuts…" 

"Oh, jeez! Why is everyone in my life so manipulative? I'm not phasing to a donut shop!" 

"I have to stay, for the stakeout, but I'm _so_ hungry…" 

Six minutes later, Tessa was stomping into phosphorescent lights and the sickly sweet smell of sugar and coffee. Her phone buzzed. A text: 'cake donuts, no jelly-filled shit. please.' Tessa thought about phasing home and just abandoning Jess there outside the shopping center, but then she'd have a real reason to guilt trip her. She also thought about calling Matt as she waited, to vent, but he'd been out the whole night. Most likely, he was asleep at work. So, she had to stand there in line, seething, as a group of children threw balled up paper straw wrappers at her, and pretend everything was fine.  

"Hi! Welcome to D--" 

"Yeah, hi. I need a dozen donuts, six plain glazed, six chocolate cake." 

"Oops! I'm sorry but we only have two chocolate cake donuts left!" 

The straw wrapper that hit the back of Tessa's neck was wet this time. "That's fine," she definitely did not growl. "I'll take those and then the rest of the dozen plain glazed." It was a miracle that Tessa left that shop without any of its patrons mysteriously forgetting where they lived. 

"There're your damn donuts, you weasel. And don't even complain that only two of 'em are cake, I got a spitball in my hair because of you." Tessa dropped the box onto the floor of the van and combed her fingers through her hair, still finding little soggy pieces of straw wrapper in it. "I can't believe you guilt-tripped me into doing that. I've already sat here all day with you and I'm not even getting paid to do it. Did you know donuts are expensive?" 

"Yup," Jess said through a mouthful of crumbs. "But you claim to miss me, so it's worth it." 

"It'd be more worth it if you paid me," Tessa grumbled and crossed her arms. "And besides, I'm useless. I'm not picking up anyone remembering anything about Mrs. Dover."  

"Okay, for now you don't. But it's not like it'd be any easier for me without you. This is the first lead I've had on this in over a month. I thought she was dead. Anyway, you'll ping on someone eventually. A case like this would normally take weeks of surveillance. You and I could possibly clear it up in a single day with your memory tap. And don't lie, you're happy to be out with me. You've been too busy with your lawyer to get your dose of bitching."  

"Yeah. Yeah. I'm not the only one who's been busy, you know. You've been mysteriously absent at several dinners, not to mention whole days." 

"Gotta pay the bills, chica. Hey, the kid at your ten o' clock. Get anything off of him?" 

"He… has an abusive father and once had sex in the bathroom of that McDonald's. Doesn’t remember Mrs. Dover." Tessa shook her head as Jess sighed. She pulled up her phone and began scrolling through her news feed. It was a new habit of hers, better than being surprised. Another report of a fire fight involving Wade. Tessa took a deep breath and passed the phone to Jess. 

"I don't know what's gotten into him." 

Jess glanced at the phone and put her donut down. "Lack of your good influence? I dunno, chica, I find it unsurprising. He was always trouble." 

"Troubled, but not… this. I'm worried." She clicked on the link and scanned the story. "No casualties. Just a big hoopla." 

"Sounds like he's a smokescreen." 

"What?" 

Jess leaned up into the front of the van. Holding out her own phone, flipping through headlines. "You know, like a diversion. Last time, when Deadpool detonated a shoebomb and blew just himself to kingdom come, people were so engrossed with him glooping back together, they missed the entourage of unmarked SUV's pulling up to Stark's tower across town. We didn't find out about it until a few days later as, like, an offhand report. See? Time and dates line up. Time before that… with the knife extravaganza, hostage was his daughter, she ran away giggling and news teams totally missed the shouting match between your Witch and Robot friends. We only have a summary report from a single eye witness. Funny coincidences, huh?" 

Tessa took the phone and glanced through the time stamps. "Oh, how did I miss that?" 

"You were worried about a friend. Didn't occur to you he was just doing a job. He _is_ a mercenary. He might not be being hired for real violence currently." 

"You're actually really good at this, Jess… Investigations."

"I have my moments. And I've been thinking about the Deadpool thing for a while. It struck me odd that he wasn't doing any real damage, not compared to no-namers on the streets. You know the crime rate has more than doubled in the past two months? Petty and otherwise…" 

Tessa did know, in fact. It was why she'd had so many canceled dates lately. But Jess didn't know Matt was Daredevil. "Makes sense… I've been getting a darker vibe at night. Is that why you've been so much busier? Looking into burglaries and stuff?" 

"Something like that." 

The tone of Jess's voice caught Tessa's attention. She was avoiding something. It was the same something she'd been brushing past with all the money excuses lately, the ones she'd been making for being gone so often. Tessa turned around in her seat. "What are you hiding?" 

"I don't know what you're talking about." 

"Yes, you do. You won't even look me in the eye some days. What is it, Jess?" 

"Hey, you promised you'd never go poking around in my head, Tessa! You promised!"  

Jess was up in arms. Tessa sat back on her heels, not even hiding the shock on her face. "I haven't. I'm just going off of what I've noticed with my human capacity for observation. Trust me, if I poked around in there, I'd have confronted you sooner, because I would have known. Right now, I'm asking." 

"We all have our own shit to deal with these days, chica," Jess responded quietly, putting her ear buds back in. Tessa tugged them back out. 

"That's not fair. You give me shit until I tell you what you want to know. If you tell me what's going on, maybe I can help." 

"It's not… It's not something you can help with. It's… personal. It's… It's… I…" Her eyes glazed over for a second, like she was struggling to find the right words." I've… I--I've met someone. You… You know how… trying things can be in the beginning." 

Tess scoffed, "that's not something you need to keep from me. Come on, Jess. That's good news... right?" 

"Yeah… And a pain in my ass." 

"Well, if you're not--" 

"No. No, it's fine… You know, sometimes the good ones are maddening all the same. And that's part of what you like…" 

Tessa felt herself smiling. "Aw, Jess is finally twitterpated. So, who is this person?" 

"You'll meet him eventually." Jess cut her eye at Tessa, done with the conversation. 

"Don't do me that way, Jessica Jones! Who is he?"

"His name is Luke." 

A name was enough for Tessa for now. Besides, she was suddenly distracted. "Oh, hey. I got a ping. A lady in the electronics store remembers Mrs. Dover…" 

 

Across town, the office was just warm enough, the tapping of keys just regular enough. Matt was just exhausted enough. But then, his chin slipped off his hand and jerked him awake. He'd nodded off again, even with the automated voice ringing in his ear. He yanked the earbud out and tried to shake the wooziness off. Foggy's typing stopped. 

"Long night?" His words lilted up at the end, excitement lengthening the question.  

"Not the kind you think. Someone kicked a hornet's nest and they were swarming." And stinging. Thank God for his new suit's bulletproofing. 

Foggy sighed, "yeah. My super put up signs warning us to keep our windows locked. Something about people being burglarized…" 

"And worse…" Matt's head was pounding because of the worse. His whole body felt like lead because of the worse. He'd been busier than he'd ever been for nights on end because of the worse. It seemed like time in Hell's Kitchen was moving in reverse because of the worse. "Something's definitely wrong." 

"Speaking of wrong, Matt, can we discuss how red that tie is you're wearing?"

 Matt laughed in spite of himself.  

"I mean, does Tess have a wicked sense of humor or--" 

"Hold on. There's someone here." Matt held his hand up as he heard the front door slam.  

"Hi, can I help you with something?" Whoever it was, completely ignored Karen's question. They were heading straight for Matt's office. Footfalls heavy. Wearing boots, clanking with gear. Tactical weapons. Smelled like coffee and fast food. The clothes he was wearing hadn't been washed in a few days. Heartbeat elevated but even. Matt didn't recognize this man. Not until he stepped inside the office and slammed something down on the desk in front of Matt.  

"Not good enough." Matt knew that voice, but didn't _know_ the voice. He had more than tactical gear on him. There was a compound bow strapped to his back. At least two of the arrows in his quiver were humming with energy.  

Matt picked up the thing Clint Barton had just slammed down in front of him and felt it over. He knew the scent on it, the texture without even inspecting it. Tessa's old suit. "I can't make her do anything, nor do I want to. It's her decision."

 "I know that. She needs to decide better." His pulse hadn't change a beat. He'd come in here, expecting that response. The grind to his voice, though… He was sincerely worried, just like the Widow.  

"I'll pass your message along, but that's all I can do." 

"Do… do I need to call the police?" Karen asked quietly from her desk. Barton's heart skipped.  

"No. Mr. Barton here is just concerned." Matt grinned as his heart rate jumped again. 

"Enough, smiley. I'm not supposed to be here. I'm sticking my neck out doing this, just… do us all a favor and convince her, please. Especially if you want to keep her around." The bitterness in his voice was almost overwhelming. Matt could practically taste it. A step behind Barton, Foggy's breathing picked up. He could hear the gears turning in his head, clicking into place. 

"Are… you… Tessa's ex?" 

A sigh. "Yeah, I guess, I'm her ex. And a concerned friend. And I need her--" 

"Man, I didn't know Tessa dated an Avenger!" 

Matt took up the suit and stood, pushing it into Barton's hands. "I'm sure she would appreciate the thought, Mr. Barton, but Tessa isn't here and I have a feeling that's for the best. I believe, actually, it would be detrimental for her to be seen around you. We won't go around publicizing your visit, don't worry-- we know things are...  _messy_ at the moment-- so the sooner you leave, the better. I'll bring this up with her. I can only guarantee that much. Perhaps you should find a way to have this discussion yourself under _different_ circumstances." 

"She won't listen to me!" He was growing increasingly frustrated, tugging at the device Matt had only just sensed. A hearing aid. A quick turn to the right. He was checking out the windows. "And besides… I'm being tracked. Goddamnit. Just… just keep her from coming here today, until after the fake feds check in… Just tell her to make good on her threat and everything'll be fine… for her." His boot squeaked as he turned to leave, screeching again as he stopped. "And take care of her, alright? Not that she needs it, but she deserves it. Someone's gotta get that right eventually." 

The last comment had been muttered, probably half to himself as he dashed out of the offices. It seemed to ring through the rooms. Matt could feel Foggy staring, Karen peering in through the doorway. They were waiting for an explanation Matt couldn't give. He didn't know the full story. 

"Was that Hawkeye?" Karen asked finally. "Is Tessa's ex Hawkeye? Seriously?"  

 

Back at the stakeout, Tessa was glad not to be cramped in a poorly parked van. That didn't mean she enjoyed being in the mall, however. The place was full to the brim, both with walking memory-loudspeakers and with pockets of whispering flashbacks. She couldn't take two steps without being violated, even wearing her full suit. Some places were just like that for her. It was the reason she'd never attend a major sporting event, or a concert. And after this, she would never go to another mall. She sat now at the little rickety table, eating her gigantic pretzel and trying her hardest to pick through little miss sticky-strips memories of ripping off hundreds of people's credit card information. 

"What a piece of work," Jess mumbled, scrolling through the girl's crib sheet. "She's tried just about anything that won't get her pegged for hard time. This is her most elaborate ploy yet, though. Found the date for Mrs. Dover yet?"

"Little psychopath has a weird way of remembering these things. Not contextualized like most people, more… catalogued, like a trophy list. Oh, my head hurts. She likes raves… and x." 

Jess took a deep breath and brushed the donut crumbs from her jacket. "I'm going to have to turn this one over to the 15th. She's a can of worms." 

"Probably…" Tessa jotted the purchase date down really quickly on a napkin. "But at least you'll have something to give to Mrs. Dover's husband. There. She bought a crystal glassware set from that place on the fourth. Kimmy copied her card then."  

"Thanks, chica. Now to figure out what Mrs. Dover did with that set… and if she used the card after that…"

 "Yeah…" Tessa jerked her head up. All of a sudden all the noise has blipped out. Either Mnemosyne had just died inside of her or all the people in the mall had. She couldn't even feel Jess's little waves beside her. "Wh--what's happening?" 

"What do you mean? What-- whoa? Did the music just stop?" Jess glanced around at the people passing, completely silent, but otherwise as if nothing had changed. "Uh… Tess, babe, something's wrong."  

"Tell me about it." 

" _Stop flopping about like a fish out of water and come to the service entrance._ " 

Tessa recognized his voice, but didn't see Dr. Strange anywhere, didn't sense him. But then again, he'd never been one she could pinpoint. Sure enough, when she focused on the door he'd mentioned, the eerie pocket of silence felt the strongest.  

"Did… did you hear that?" Jess was gazing up at the ceiling. Her eyes were wide and her face blanched, sweat had begun to bead over her face. "O--or was that just in _my_ head?" 

"It's Dr. Strange, and I think he put it through the loudspeakers. Since you heard it, too, you should probably come with me." Tessa stood, tugging a noticeably relieved Jess to her feet as well, and then made their way to where he waited. 

He had always been a serene presence for Tessa, but today the doctor did not seem so composed. His arms were crossed when she opened the door, brow low. "You are a foolish amateur, Dr. Bisho. I knew this, but I never supposed you to be a selfish one." 

Tessa took a step back into Jess like she'd just been slapped. "I'm sorry?" 

"You know precisely what I am saying. Ms. Romanova risked her own security to warn you, so that you might be put out of harm's way. You not only rejected her sound advice, but you put her in danger by exposing that she had approached you. A brash note in a deli latrine? This is not an action film, Theresa." 

She was left reeling. It had never occurred to her that there would be repercussions for anyone beside herself. "I… I…"

" _You_ indeed. Though you seem adamant not to acknowledge it, you are involved in this maelstrom. While you are thus available, here in a shopping center such as this, exposed, you are a ticking time bomb. So easily could you become a weapon, drafted into whatever stratagem either side is devising. The way to save the world from the summation of that equation is to erase yourself from it." 

His words struck her like hammer falls. It seemed impossible that he would be suggesting this. "That would mean violating countless minds! I can't ethically justify that!" 

"Not countless. A dozen. This community of ours need not know you exist. Thus, you avoid being factored into the equation all together. Simple. Elegant, just as Ms. Romanova told you." 

"But… but--" 

"Is it its ethicality that trips you up so, or is it the idea of losing all those relationships you value?" Tessa could feel his eyes piercing her. "Think on it, Dr. Bisho." 

The music started back up, the memories washed back in. Doctor Strange had vanished. Beside her, Jess shifted. 

"Admittedly, there were better, less tool-like ways to make the point, and, normally, I wouldn't agree, but… yeah. All things considered, I think he has a point, chica." 

Tessa sighed, fighting back tears. "Yeah. I hate it when that happens…"


	4. How to Lose Friends and Estrange Allies

They forgot about the van. Jess spent about fifteen minutes trying to hail a cab before she dragged Tessa onto a bus. Neither of them even considered using her powers. It seemed too risky, not after the doctor's visit. It took all the stops through Midtown for Jess to pull Tessa out of her reverie. She didn't think holing up at home was the answer. She thought Tessa needed to think about this actively. She suggested that she call Matt. He was an uninvolved third party, he could offer different insight. He was important to her, she needed his input. Tessa blinked sadly back at Jess, unsure how to respond. Matt's secret weighed heavier on her at that moment than ever before. Finally, she had to agree. Even if he wasn't as unbiased an outsider as Jess thought he was, Tessa still wanted his opinion.  

They hopped off at the next stop. Walked to the route for his firm. Tessa stared at her phone. Was it being tracked? Was it tapped? On impulse, she slammed it into the ground and then stared at the shards on the concrete. People gave the two of them a wide berth as they passed. Tessa panted, staring at her shattered phone. 

"You, uh… you wanna use mine?" Jess hesitated when Tessa held out her hand. "Just… don't do that to it, okay?" 

Tessa nodded and continued grinding the motherboard pieces into dust under her toe. An unsettling giggle she didn't recognize as her own bubbled out of her as she dialed Matt's number from memory. 

"Matt Murdock." He already sounded worn out.  

"It's me. I need to talk to you." 

"Wh--where are you calling me from?" 

"Jess's phone. I smashed mine. I'm coming to you--" 

"No. I'll call you when I can." 

Tessa looked down at the blackened phone screen. "He… he hung up on me…" 

"Something's wrong." Jess pulled her hood tighter over her head, shoved her hands deep into her pockets. "It's probably a good thing you went hulk-smash on your phone. Come on, let's get off the street. We can wait for him to call back at the office." 

Sitting in the darkened single room of Alias Investigations, Doctor Strange's words suddenly seemed very funny to Tessa. Her life was devolving into the suspenseful evasion montage of a spy movie.  

"Phones are expensive," she whined out of nowhere. 

Jess stood back from peering through her blinds. "I know, chica. But you did the right thing. I've already reported it missing. Everything'll be fine." She shoveled a spoon of peanut butter into her mouth and then collapsed into her desk chair. "I'm sure there was a reason Matt hung up on you, too… he'll call back soon." She was comforting herself as much as Tessa. 

And there was a reason Matt had hung up, two of them. They currently stood in his reception area, lying to Karen. They said they were with the FBI, but their shoes squeaked too much, their suits smelled too much of wool, not enough of polyester. Real feds worked hard, had scuffs on their shoes, soles worn down. These were brand new, shined with leather polish. One of them was wearing a cologne that cost more than a fed's monthly salary. No, these were something far better funded than the run of the mill FBI agent. These stunk of Ross's 'taskforce'. 

"Were we interrupting something, Mr. Murdock?" 

"A client in a tight spot." He jerked a hand at Foggy across the room, smiled as he grasped his cane. "I can call them back. How may we help you?" 

Matt had no qualms about lying to men who were lying to him. The troubled man who had busted into their office earlier had been talking gibberish. He was entirely mistaken about the nature of their practice. Left promptly before a confrontation could occur. Foggy and Karen nodded along like good little soldiers. The imposters were gone in under ten minutes, but they stayed outside the offices for another hour. Matt didn't dare call Tessa while they were still out there, or even discuss it around Karen and Foggy. He made a few business calls and then, when he could no longer smell that cologne, asked Foggy in coded phrases if their sedan was still out front. With Foggy confirming that they had left, Matt discretely knocked the bug they had planted into a trash can and set it in the next door offices. Then, he asked Karen to call Alias Investigations. 

Jess almost kicked the desk over when the landline rang. She answered and then nodded at Tessa. "We'll be right there." 

And they were right there. Karen looked at the phone still in her hand with surprise as Jess and Tessa stepped through the office doors. "Were… were you waiting outside the building? …"  

"No," Tessa replied numbly. It was probably time Karen knew the truth, too. In any case, the urgency of the next ten minutes of discussion between everyone else in the office wasn't going to escape her. She was a clever lady. 

"No?" 

Matt frowned from his office doorway. "I suppose we should all discuss this in my office. Karen, please, put a sign on the door. We are closed for the rest of the day." 

"I… I… okay…" 

It was close quarters with all five of them in Matt's office, but no one seemed to notice. They were all too distracted by various states of bewilderment. It had been a big day. Foggy paced the perimeter of the room, intermittedly running his hands through his hair, even when it was already out of his face. Jess stared out of the window, checking her phone every minute, on the minute. Tessa rested her chin in one hand, the other grasping Matt's for dear life. His jaw shivered as he clenched it shut, but besides that, he was entirely still. Karen, eyes wide and bluer than usual, glanced between all of them. She was the most in the woods at the moment. 

"Did… did you… How did you get here so fast?"

 "It's something like teleportation," Tessa said immediately, her voice flat. Foggy stopped pacing. 

Karen's mouth opened and shut. Then, she tucked her hair behind her ears, covered her face with her hands. "You were more than an analyst for the Avengers. Of course. Of course…" 

"My skill set made me an ideal asset for them, but I didn't participate in the team. In a way… I was just an analyst, but, as for your implications behind that statement, yes. I'm not entirely normal." 

Jess stopped looking at her phone as Karen stared at Tessa. After a moment the expected question came. "What do you mean by 'not entirely normal'?" 

As an explanation and demonstration, Tessa reached her hand out to Karen's. The conversation with Foggy was an easy one to push into Karen's mind. Her pupils dilated and then shrunk to tiny pinpricks. A gasp as she tried to rub her eyes, like the memories would fade. 

"I obviously keep it a secret for my own safety. I imagine you don't need me to explain that reasoning." 

Karen shook her head, lips pursed.  

"Matt, and Foggy, trust you, so now I trust you. At this point… I don't have many people I can say that about, so…" The will to explain further left Tessa. She took her other hand from Matt and buried her face into her arms on the desk. 

"It's time one of us asked it," Foggy sat down finally. "What in the hell is going on?"

 It took Matt and Jess combined about an hour to spell the situation out. Tessa spent that whole hour catatonic in internal conflict over her decision. Then Karen asked it, the simplest question that everyone else had been too hesitant to pose: what exactly would happen if Tessa made the Avengers forget? Tessa's head shot up, the phrasing of the question resonating with her.  

"Then the high profile parties involved in this conflict would have no idea that I existed."  

Foggy's eye caught Tessa's from across the table. He seemed to know what she meant. Beside her, Jess shifted slightly, her own secret a thorn in her side during this. 

"It could work, erasing the Avengers' memories." Subtext read: but not the whole community's.  

"This… Doctor Strange… what side does he fall on?" Matt knew where Tessa was going with this. His hand resting on her knee conveyed his concern. 

"He's not involved… so much as affected. I wouldn't say he's impartial, but he's definitely not going to directly intervene. He… answers to a different authority than the others." 

"So, he wasn't including himself in this community he referred to?" 

"No, I don't think so… I mean, I don't think my powers could affect him anyways. He's always been… outside my range, if you will. I think he meant… the Avengers teams specifically."

"And you can undo it," Karen asked. "You can make them remember you once… whatever is going to happen happens?"

"Yes." 

They ruminated on that, all together, until the buzz of Jess's phone broke the silence. It buzzed in rapid succession about eight times. She took one look at it and then stood, urgency in her face. "Shit. Uh… It's not really a choice, Tess. I… I've got to go. Shit. Fuck. Shit." She darted from the offices without a glance up from her phone, words trailing behind her down the hall. 

"I don't know if Jessica's right," Matt said, feeling at his watch. "But, this can't continue here. It's well after closing time. We had better all go home, before this looks more suspicious than it already does."  

Foggy and Karen shuffled from the office with grim expressions. They were full of support and condolences as they did. It was really nice actually. Tessa lingered in the reception area after they had left. She stared at her coat on the coat rack and tried to control the flame of hope in her belly. The situation had seemed dire, desperate, until Karen had accidentally found the loophole. Tessa didn't need to lose Jess or Matt from her life. They weren't part of the storm boiling. She only had to lose the ones in the storm. Karen had gotten Tessa off of a horrible hook on a technicality. She could have kissed her. 

"You have excellent taste in friends," she said quietly to Matt as he reached around her for his coat. 

"Oh, you think so, too?" It was good see him smile after the train wreck of her day.  

"Mm-hmm. I underestimated Karen in particular." 

"That seems to be a pattern in her life. But, I agree, her insight was invaluable. None of the rest of us could put our worries aside to see it so clearly." 

"To see it so simply. She thinks the Avengers are all there are, who I know. But, she's right. They're all that matter in this discussion…" She sighed, turning in Matt's arms as he tried to put her coat on. "Thank god for your good taste in friends, Matt." 

He chuckled, "what are you doing? We need to go." 

"I was planning on kissing you." 

His eyebrows shot up. "Oh?"  

Tessa was already tugging at her hairline. "Yes. Actually, I was thinking that I could've kissed Karen for her excellent insight, but I'll have to settle for you instead." 

"Oh!" He laughed quietly, hanging the coats back up. "Really? Right now? They might be looking for you as we speak." 

"They might be, but… knowing who is involved, they will be delayed in their efforts. And… all the more reason to do it now, before I have to decide whether or not to take advantage of this loophole that might still get me in trouble. At least, I can do one thing tonight I won't regret."

"Sound logic," Matt said quietly and then held out his arms. "Lay it on me." 

Tessa chuckled, dropping her mask and closing the distance between them. He waited until she had stood up on her tiptoes before catching her jaw. She had known, just as their lips brushed, that this would be a test of her control. She hadn't realized just how much.

So soft, so gentle at first, just the warmth of lips, the slight scratch of his scruff, the pressure of a thumb on her chin. Then his hands were in her hair, on her neck, swimming with sensations not her own. The smell of him as Tessa leaned in only further clouded her mind, her hands on his chest, feeling his heart beat harder. And then, the way he tasted, the feeling of a hum against her tongue. It rang through her, a gong struck with all one's might. Tessa's eyes flew open as she felt the familiar surge of energy, the buildup to frenzy. She was going to lose control. She had to run. 

The air was bracingly cold on the roof. It froze her eyelashes, afforded Tessa utter clarity. Mere seconds apart from Matt's warmth and she was lucid again. She had phased away in time, before the disinhibition could break her mind. Her phone chimed in her pocket, a text from Jess. Either her brain's logical faculties had stopped, or it was a weird text. Why did she want to know 'the coma drug stealing resident's' name? Matt found her a few minutes later, slowly typing out a response. He pulled her inside the building and rubbed his hands over hers quickly. 

"I'm fine, Matt. I can't get frostbite."  

"Are you okay? Why… why did you run? D--did I do something wrong? I didn't mean--" 

"We skipped right over step seven to eight," Tessa mumbled, feeling the numbness drain from not her fingers but her brain. "I mean… I--I. No. No, it wasn't you. I didn't want you to… see me like that--b--be around me like that. It's not who I want to be with you. I… I was losing myself. Couldn't you tell?" 

Matt's glasses defrosted as he ran his hands up her face, sealing her mask back into place. For a second he paused to brush a snowflake off her eyelash. "I… couldn't, no. It just felt like… you were kissing me." 

"But I… my heart and…" 

He smiled sadly, pressing the mask along her hairline. "You were… excited, which I thought was okay, considering… I'm sorry, Tessa. So much for the one thing you wouldn't regret tonight." 

"It wasn't you. Really, it wasn't. It's all… me. I don't know what this is supposed to feel like. My inhibition problems never let me learn the difference between their effects and the real thing. I'm going in… uh…" 

"Blind?" 

Tessa exhaled with disgust and then quickly said, "yes. The one thing I constantly forget…" 

"Because in your mind, I'm not. Just like… between us… it's not a lack of control, it's a choice to give up a little. As for you being blind to it? You're not. You felt it with Natasha Romanoff." 

Her name in his mouth was like a bolt of lightning. Tessa's jaw dropped open a little with the shock. "Y--y--you know a--a--a--about that?" 

"You showed me. I don't know if you meant to, but you did show me." His knuckled grazed gingerly over her cheek. "Every time we touch I get to see and feel a little piece of you. Sometimes it's beautiful… other times… I tune it out. I've known about Natasha for a long time." 

"You're… you're not mad?" 

He sighed, a frown fighting its way onto his lips. "I… am not going to go through with you right now why that's a silly question, because I don't think you really mean it… But no, I'm not mad, and the point of all this is that you have known that feeling." 

Tessa trusted Matt's judgment, but that didn't make what he was saying any harder to believe. She tugged at her hair, fighting the doubt. "You're sure? But what about… with us? Was it the real thing?" 

He scoffed lightly. "Those words, 'the real thing'? They're pretty relative in my experience. But, with us it felt familiar. Definitely two songs from the same album." 

"The album of lust. All I remember with Natasha was some strange obsession clouded by lust," she groaned, dragging her fingers down her face. 

Matt caught her elbows and leaned down, right up so that their noses were almost touching. "I'd be a little offended if you didn't feel lust with me every once in a while… That said, I think you're wrong. This felt different than just lust." 

"How would you know?" 

He smirked, leaning away. "Because I pay closer attention to these kinds of things than you do. I can sense it." 

"H--how so?" 

"Your instincts, your chemicals going haywire? That's different from… from when you're… romantically aroused, I guess would be the term for it. I've felt it." 

"What?" 

He nodded, smiling creeping onto his lips. "Mm-hmm. When you're fighting your disinhibition, like, for instance when Claire's around, your heart, your temperature, your breathing… all those things respond differently from how they did just now when you were being… intimate." 

"What's the difference?" It was a crucial question. If Tessa could learn to read her body the way Matt could, then she could control it better.  

"Besides how you yourself are acting? Well… it's less frantic, more of a gradual change. It's, instead of flipping a switch, like bringing water to boil. I can feel you… _sinking_ into it. Even in more heated moments like just then, it doesn't have the instantaneous ramp up that your events bring. You have… a very distinct reaction to the people you're… emotionally connected to as well." 

Tessa's ear were burning. "You've felt that from me… with Natasha?" 

He nodded. "I almost caught the live show when she crashed our New Year's party. That… _may_ have been another reason I was a little angry." At least he had the courtesy to look sheepish as he admitted it. 

That didn't make Tessa feel any less guilty. "Th--that relationship is--is so way impossible and…and you actually remind me of her in a lot of ways, so--" 

"I'm not worried, Tessa," Matt chuckled. "You'll let me know when to worry. Besides, I'm a catch. You'd be hard-pressed to find someone better." 

"Great, so, it's just me who has to worry…" 

He took her hand in his with a sigh. "Joking aside, it's next to impossible to lie to you Tessa. I've tested that, remember? You'd know almost as soon as I would. But, it doesn't really matter, because that's not my style. I try as hard as I can to keep the good things in my life. Now, what are you going to do about the thing we're both pretending isn't the pressing issue of the day?" 

"I…" Tessa leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his waist and listening to his heart. "I'm going to make them forget…" 

"I know."


	5. Sins

Tessa saying that she was going to make the Avengers forget her and actually systematically removing herself from their memories were two entirely different things. For one thing, Tessa had never, not once, used her abilities to _corrupt_ memories. She'd been in the business of brushing the dust off of them, finding the missing pieces for the holes, not poking the holes and making them seem like they belong. For another, all her little experiments had been just that, little. This was anything but little. This was over a dozen people, each with their own web of memories connected to her. This was huge and new and terrifying. And it took hours. 

Jess and Matt took turns checking in on her, sitting in Jess's apartment and listening. She was completely immobile for thirty-six hours. By hour thirty-two Jess had gotten impatient and a little frantic, believing she had slipped into some coma-like state, but Matt had stopped her and listened and insisted they wait. Her breathing was labored and changed every few minutes. People in comas didn't breathe like that. He'd compared it to a meditative trance. Jess stopped. She waited, but she paced the whole time.

As Tessa struggled to do something she'd never attempted, on a scale she'd never considered, people across the state, across the country suddenly got that unsettling feeling they had forgotten something important but they just couldn't put their finger on it. Clint looked up from a stale pile of reused coffee grounds with a worry he couldn't explain, unsure why he kept wanting to go to Hell's Kitchen. Natasha stopped sabotaging a line of code to check her phone. She dialed a number she didn't recognize and stared at it three times. The tea in her cup, she dumped on the floor, having lost the taste for it out of the blue. Bruce took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. Something was escaping him, he'd just been puzzling it out. Then, he gave up. It was lost to the ether. Wanda jerked awake from a restless sleep, chaos magic swirling at her fingertips. She had been sure someone was attacking her, but the room was empty. Just the ghost of a nightmare haunting her subconscious. The memories dropped out of their minds like threads plucked from stitch work, but they left holes in the pattern. It was Tessa's first time doing this, after all.

Her face was dripping, her suit and hair soaked with sweat when she came out of her trance. She gasped for a second, reorienting herself. She was at home. She'd lost a day and a half. Matt was sleeping on the couch in the living room, Jess on her bed. Tessa’s body was tapped out, her mind stretched thin and tattered, but she'd done it. She was forgotten. Pretty work or not, she was forgotten. She could move on, finally, live her life. She could let those walls down and relax.

Tessa slept for three days after she did it. When she woke up, the sky was still grey, the world still cold, and the news still filtered in about superhero oversight committees, taskforces and curfews. The difference was it didn't hang over her head. Some days, the reality of the situation skating past her even escaped her notice. Those were the best days.

" _Merlyn took off his pointed hat when he came into this chamber, because it was too high for the roof, and immediately there was a scamper in one of its dark corners and flap of soft wings, and a tawny owl was sitting on the black skull-cap which protected the top of his head_."

"Was that all one sentence?"

"Shush!" Tessa poked Matt in the ribs and muttered the next line along with the narrator. ""Oh, what a lovely owl!," cried the Wart."

"I saw this one," Matt chuckled, "you know. It was one of the movies I saw as a kid."

"Yeah? Well can you remember it scene for scene?"

"No… no, I can't. But you playing it over in my head doesn't make listening to the book easy."

Tessa picked her head up off his arm to make sure he was joking. That grin met her, but he was otherwise pretending to be completely immersed in the audiobook. She rolled over onto her stomach and propped her chin up on her hands, watching him. "When did you know you wanted to be a lawyer?"

"When I was a kid." He took his a hand out from under his head and put a finger over her lips. "Shush. I'm listening." 

She fiddled with the zipper on his sweatshirt, pulled it down and then back up again. Underneath he was wearing a t-shirt from Columbia. She couldn't let the question go. "Yeah, but _what_ made you want to be a lawyer?"

Matt tilted his head down at her then to the side. After a moment listening, he hoisted himself off the arm of the couch and Tessa leaned out of the way so he could sit upright. She kicked a leg across his lap, curled another under herself, ready for story time. He pulled at a thread on her pants until it broke and then sighed.

"My dad. My dad's the reason I became a lawyer. I told you he was a boxer, a professional boxer. He fought hard, but he did it for the money once I was around. He used to let guys beat his face to a pulp so he could pay for me to go to a good school. The old man didn't want me to end up like him. He didn't want me just scraping by, didn't want me to be a fighter. He wanted me to have something he couldn't, an education, a future. He was a favorite with the fixers. My dad could put on a show and he did it to pay for my books. He made me study harder than he fought. My head was my weapon, not my hands, he'd say.

"I got a little older, and so did he. Fixers started making him the loser all the time. They stopped paying him to drop a guy in a certain round, made him the one to drop when they said. I didn't know this at the time. I loved my dad, I saw him fight on TV. I only wanted him to win. He was my dad. Guess he got tired of disappointing me. One night he won. I was ecstatic. That night, some asshole who lost a wad of money killed my dad for winning a fight.

"And my dad, he hadn't wanted me to be a fighter like him. I was this kid, blind, furious someone had gunned my father down in a back alley. But I wasn't supposed to be a fighter. If I hated that my home was a place where a man could be shot for making his son proud, I had to fix it with the right weapon. I had to fight with my head, the way that would've made my dad proud. I used that education he paid for with blood and sweat and I found one, where I could take out fixers and scumbags, defend people from these assholes with my head and my words. And… then, at night… when those things didn't work... my old man's way, with my fists. So… that's why I'm a lawyer."

Tessa slid her feet to the floor, inched over so she was right next to him. His eyes were farther away than normal, lips tighter. She smoothed the frown away from his forehead and then set her head against his shoulder. "You certainly lived up to expectations."

He sighed, masking it as a laugh, and kissed the top of her head.

" _…nibbled its tail. He turned it round so that it was head first, for the Wart had offered it the wrong way round, and gave one gulp. He looked round at the company with the tail hanging out of the corner of his mouth--as much as to say, "I wish you would not all stare at me so"--turned his head away, politely swallowed the tail, scratched his_ \--"

"I think we missed some of the book," Matt finally said, clearing his throat.

"I can rewind it." Tessa stood up to pick up her phone, but Matt caught her hand. "I can't rewind it telepathically. That's only memories."

He chuckled and pulled her back down beside him. "My turn. Why do you have eight degrees? I mean, besides the obvious reasons of intimidation and bragging rights…"

Tessa swung her legs up onto the couch and laid down so her head was on his lap. He ran his fingers through her hair when she did this. It made talking about not so great stuff a little better. "Well… let's see… After my first bachelor’s… --I majored in English to begin with-- I was bored. There wasn't much I could do, stuck in a hospital with a vast knowledge of literature and composition. I mean, I could've read more… but, there I was, eighteen years old, oldest kid in the lifers' ward. I wanted to… well, it was a little something like yours, I guess. I wanted to make a difference. I got another bachelor’s, this time in Biochemistry. I thought I was hot shit. I thought, hey, I got something all these docs don't, I remember everything. Maybe I can find some cures for my friends they couldn't.

"You know it's not so simple as that. I know it now. Two months into applying for research jobs, I decided humanity was awful. It was the real problem. I needed to fix it first. Boom. Master’s in Anthropology, thesis on group resistance to change. I saw soft sciences weren't the way to go, unless all I wanted to do was talk about the problem instead of finding the solution. Master’s in Neurochemistry. I got selfish that time, thought I'd cure my own problem first. Found it to be impossible and, in an existential crisis, contemplated the aesthetics of chronic suffering for a doctorate in philosophy. Tired of thinking and not doing, I went for a compromising approach, Biological Anthropology, dissertation on the root of the problem: why humanity as a species is flawed on the deepest level, on a cellular level. Those were dark times. Flopped back to the clean lines of neuroscience with a focus on hyperthymesia, my own condition and then, realizing there was nothing I could do to help myself, I decided I would put my condition to use. Last degree was in education, dissertation on pedagogy for terminal children.

"So… yeah. Basically just what you said, bragging rights and the intimidation factor. Am I intimidating? Do you tremble at my eight degrees?"

He laughed, hard enough to jostle her head, but this was only because she was poking him between the ribs again. "Stop, please. I give. I'm terrified."

Tessa liked it when he giggled, so she tickled him one more time for good measure, and then laid back. "And now I'm a pro bono PI who uses not a single lick of all that book learning. Isn't life odd? But… _but_ I finally found the answer that none of those books held. I found out how to make the difference I was originally aiming to make. Now, I can help in a few ways. That's kinda… wonderful."

Matt's hand stopped in her hair, twisting it around his fingers. "You're in a particularly good mood today."

"Shush. I like this part. "The old gentleman leaned back in his chair and lighted an enormous meerschaum pipe--Good gracious, he breathes fire, thought the Wart, who had never heard of tobacco--before he was ready to reply. Then he looked puzzled, took off his skull-cap--three mice fell out--and scratched the middle of his bald head."" Tessa had climbed off the couch and danced over to her phone, pausing the book at that moment. 

"It gets pretty funny after that. We'll rewind and listen to the stuff we talked over another time. But, yeah… I guess I am." She curled up beside him, back on the couch, her toes nudged under his leg. "I dunno… I've always liked Sunday mornings. They're the quietest… Speaking of, wouldn't a good Catholic boy like you normally be in mass right about now?"

"I don't go to mass, just confession every once in a while."

Tessa humphed, poking him again. "What do you have to confess?"

Matt's eye flew wide as he laughed, turning to her after a moment. "You're joking, right?"

"You can tell a priest all that stuff?"

"It's a sacrament, like doctor-patient confidentiality. Besides that, my priest and I have an understanding."

"You mean he supports your work."

"I think it's more that he understands, and while with forgiveness comes understanding in the Church, I think understanding it helps a lot on the road to forgiveness."

"So… your priest probably knows more about you than I do, or Foggy does?"

Matt laughed again. "Absolutely not… just my sins. Not all of them, though. There a few I haven't confessed to… like… having impure thoughts. Maybe it's time I did, though. It's a Sunday and I'm having those." 

Tessa laughed, letting him kiss her for a moment before pushing him away. "Is that a deadly sin?"

"You have no idea."

"No, no, no, no. I can't be responsible for damning you!" When she tickled him this time, to get him off her neck and to clear her head, she could feel the thick scar she'd noticed a few times before, even through his sweat shirt. Her fingers lingered on it, tracing its line. "Did you tell him about this one?"

He sighed, settling back into his seat. "No… I didn't tell him about where that came from. Foggy's the one who knows about that one."

Tessa regretted asking when his mood fizzled to dreary. But, she couldn't leave it be, as always. "What happened? It's a bad cut…"

Surprising her, Matt's smile flickered back. He counted off on his fingers, "childhood, check. Parents, check. School, check. Vocation, check. That… leaves only… the stories our bodies have recorded. Tessa, I think I just discovered a practical application for your, ahem, 'extended, non-sexualized, exposed body contact'. Are you ready for this?"

She snickered and shrugged. "Why not? Scars it is."

"I'll tell you about one and you tell me about one?" His finger ran down her arm, stopped over the IV nodules and white ghosts of razor cuts.

Tessa pulled her arm away, sucking in her lips. "Fine. I wanna know about that one, the big one first. Wh--which… one do you?"

"Which one do _you_ want to tell me about?" His hands were to himself now, occupied with the strings of his pajamas.

 _Nice job, Tessa_. She watched him pout for a moment and then pulled off her shirt, tracing a square over her stomach and opening a window in her suit. Time to try to make up for the iciness her shrinking from his touch had caused. He melted easily, as soon as she pushed his hand onto the bare skin of her stomach. "Let's start with my big one--or ones, then. There. What does that feel like?"

His mouth dipped downward. "A bullet hole. This… this is from…"

"How I died. One of three. Here." She slid his hand up to the second and then third over her heart. "One even went clean through. So, yeah, four for one."

She waited as Matt reached around to her back, found the exit wound.

"And those are the easy ones. We'll… We can build up to the others."

"Those are your _easy_ ones…" Matt echoed after a deep breath. "I didn't know you were shot."

"Yeah, I didn't have an aneurysm, or anything like that, like you would expect with my brain crap… No, I was shot by some sniper we were tracking. Bullseye is his alias… What?"

He had his head cocked to one side, brow furrowed. "That… that explains it." He hopped up and opened the wardrobe.

"What? Explains what?"

"When I found this… I thought I recognized something under the blood, a scent on the rooftop, but I couldn't quite place it. I never connected it to you afterwards because… that scent… it was before. I met you before then, when--"

"When I walked over you the first time, yeah. When I still had a scent. Makes sense." She turned the little shards of teacup, of Natasha's teacup, over in her hand and closed her eyes.

"I'm glad I can finally return this. Maybe we can put it back together."

Tessa didn't want to cry. She really didn't, but this was Matt giving her the broken pieces of Natasha's cup. The thing that she had stared at as it shattered, that had dropped from her hands as her limbs went cold, was there, warm from his hands, in hers again. She had never expected to see the missing teacup again, never in a million years thought it would come from Matt. For the briefest moment she thought to call Natasha, to tell her, but she couldn't. Natasha didn't know she existed. The tears spilled over, just a few, absorbed into her suit before Matt had finished sitting back down.

For once, he didn't seem to notice she was upset. That was one small relief.

"I guess that means it's my turn." He unzipped his sweatshirt and peeled off the t-shirt underneath. Silvery white lines on his chest, the big one on his side, a set on his back. He pointed out half a dozen scars as Tessa recovered, grief morphing to an extended wince. "These are all from a ninja."

She snorted in spite of herself. "A ninja?"

"Yes. A real, honest to God ninja."

"You're fucking with me," she snickered, appreciating him trying to lighten the mood.

"No, I'm being completely serious. His name was Nobu and he… kicked my ass for… longer than I'd care to remember with a… a swinging blade. It was hooked, like a sickle, on a chain. And it was fast."

"Didn't feel good either, I'd imagine." Tess continued wincing, feeling the pain literally, as she ran her fingers over the scars. "Oh, Matt…"

"It wasn't a good night for me, I'll admit that."

"This was during your black pajama phase, wasn't it? As sexy as it was dangerous…" 

He craned his head around, smiling at her incredulously. "You like the black costume better?" 

"Oh, no. I didn't say that." 

"You basically did." Matt turned on the spot, so he was facing her again. The smile was wider. "You said it was sexy. I didn't know you knew of me before the body armor."

"Everyone did. You were a crazy man, running around beating the shit out of people with parkour and your fists in the shady part of town. I saw you on television." Tessa leaned back and looked him over, recalling that news coverage in comparison. "It was tighter, wasn't it? … You know, more…" The dimple was in full effect, his eyes crinkling in delight. Tessa caught herself. "You know what? I don't have to explain myself. Stop grinning at me like that." 

"Was it the black? I've been thinking about adding more black--" 

"Shush, you… _you._ The… the red makes sense. It's… appropriate. And safer." 

"It's no black leather cat suit, but it works." He giggled as she shot a glare at him, "you said I was sexy." 

"Shut up. You know I… I have had unclean feelings about you from the start." 

"Unclean feelings? Are those anything like impure thoughts?"

Tessa stood up from the couch and hopped a few steps away, out of his reach. "Sure, if impure thoughts are… dirty, nasty, sexual feelings--thoughts that I ignored until I got to know you! Just because I haven't mentioned them lately that doesn't mean the desire to… to lick you from neck to navel has evaporated. It's just not the reason I'm talking to you... The shirt was more formfitting and the pants better hugged that ass of yours, which is a gift to humanity. There, I said it. That's the end of the conversation."

He stood, sin written in his grin. "Ah, militant sex symbol, exactly what I was aiming for."

"You be quiet. And put your shirt back on." Tessa shook a finger at him and backed up towards his room. 

He giggled again. Then dropped his shirt. "What? You don't want to lick me from neck to navel?" 

"That is step seventeen! We are _not_ there yet. You… you stay over there. I'm… I'm taking a cold shower and you're going to confession!" She ran into the bathroom and locked the door, leaving him laughing until he was breathless out in the living room.  

Somewhere else, a pair of green eyes stared briefly into the window of a shop, unsure why the porcelain cup caught their attention. Perhaps it was the pattern, or maybe she had once seen a similar set? She couldn't place it, but she went inside and purchased it anyway. Just the one cup.  

… … … 

"No, I'm sorry to tell you, but 'showing each other our scars' is not a euphemism." Matt paused, made sure the ladies were talking still in the pantry. "But she did let slip that she thought the black outfit was sexy." 

Foggy scoffed, "that's nothing. You knew that, that's why you wore it." 

"Very funny. Where is the precedent list? And the eggrolls?" 

"You know where both of them are. Did you notice the Stark canvassing completely skipped Hell's Kitchen? You think… that that's a coincidence?" 

"I think it's nothing to complain about. You ate all the eggrolls. You're the worst." 

"Maybe." 

Meanwhile, Tessa had found herself in a much more serious conversation with Karen. She was wishing very much that Jess hadn't bailed that afternoon. She also wished she was in Foggy's office, laughing at whatever it was those two were deliriously giggling about. Instead, she was stuck waiting for the slowest pot of water ever to boil while Karen struggled with admitting something she really didn't need to even bring up. 

"I… I bet, with your… powers or whatever you call them, you already know this, so… I…" 

"Karen, you don't have to say anything. You don't have to explain yourself." 

Her eyes somehow grew bigger and Tessa made a point not to look directly at them. "But I… _killed_ him."

That was not what Tessa was expecting. _That_ was not what Tessa had thought Karen wanted to get off of her chest. Shit. 

The fear was vibrant in Karen's face, doe-eyes huge, her lip trembling. It came off of her in waves now. But, she was one of those people whose features weren't distorted by terror, one of the lucky few who would look incredible straight to the end of a horror flick. Maybe it was a defense mechanism, to endear them to their attackers... Lord, those eyes were mesmerizing. Tessa had to avoid looking directly into them. 

"It… it's eaten at me every day. Every day." 

There was no doubt about that. It was palpable on her. As was what had happened. Tessa could even taste the bitterness in her mouth from the chloroform. "I understand that, Karen. I do, but you were in mortal danger. You were defending yourself and you don't need to blame yourself for anything. I'm impressed you stood up to him." 

The affirming words did nothing but make her more frantic. "Please…" she whispered, " _please_ , don't tell anyone." 

"That's not my secret to tell. I wouldn't, I won't. But… speaking from a similar kind of experience, you'll feel better when, or if, you ever decide to tell someone. It just needs to be the right person." To her relief the water was boiling. She patted Karen on the arm and poured her tea, hurrying back to Foggy's office. 

"You--Tessa, Foggy actually finally bought an entire tuna last night!" Matt cackled. "Tell her how much it cost you!" 

"Doesn't matter how much it cost. All that matters is, it is delicious and will continue to be delicious for… the eight months' supply I have of it filling my freezer."  

Matt's hand found hers under the table. He giggled again as he leaned over to kiss her cheek. "Eight months of tuna." 

"It's an aphrodisiac. Okay?" 

"No such thing!" 

It was a good thing Matt was so absolutely tickled by Foggy's shenanigans. Tessa was having a hard time steering her thoughts away from Karen. The guilt felt contagious, creeping up her spine until she was stuck wondering what her victims were doing, running around with the holes she plucked in their brains. At least Karen would never see James Wesley again, not in her waking hours. She would never have to look him in the eye, never have that responsibility stare her in the face.


	6. The Color of Passion and of Rage

Tessa growled as she watched the single, solitary snowflake drift down onto the cement of the ledge she was sat on. It was unseasonably late for snow. She didn't enjoy sitting on a rooftop in the snow. The cold didn't hurt her, but a frozen ass wasn't pleasant all the same. The next flake she swatted down, chuckling at her triumph, before realizing that Matt was smirking at her from the next building. He shook his head and took off without a response from Tessa. She had no explanation. Her heels knocked against the edge of the hospital as she continued to melt every flake she could reach. If it were within her power, she would prevent snow from accumulating on that single roof that one night. 

That wasn't her goal for the night, naturally, but she was having a hard time finding something productive to work on. This was her third stop and not a soul to help, memory-wise at least. She'd directed Matt to a few people, but he didn't really need her help. He could handle his end of things on his own. He said he could use her advisement, but the real reason he stopped by her stakeout spots was to check in on her. Or, to laugh when she was doing something weird like just then.  

Tessa listened to the lives of the people below her for another few minutes, but still came up empty. It was time to move again. She had a much larger radius than just a single building, but Tessa found it easier to search out the problems if she was close by. Next hospital it was. Or maybe a nursing home. There was one around there somewhere. She phased to a fire escape a few blocks outside of Matt's territory, after picking up a blip. When she got there, she couldn't feel anything but was going to stick around anyways, even though he would be wondering where she had gotten to. And then, she saw something she absolutely had not anticipated.  

Thirty feet below her, almost directly, was a very familiar purple arrow. She spotted it before she worked out the Clint below it. The thing that truly scared her, however, was that she hadn't felt his memories first. Panic raced through her veins as she manifested on the alley floor. Maybe she had felt him, maybe he'd been the blip she'd picked up. Why couldn't she feel him now? When she reached him, she had to kick her way through garbage bags to kneel beside his head. He was breathing, but he didn't respond when she poked him. Worse, she could only faintly hear his memories, the recent ones were murky at best. Tessa had no idea what to do, so she did the first thing she could think of. 

Matt had some thrashing lowlife pinned to a fence when she found him. The guy screamed when Tessa appeared and received a fist in his face. Tessa poked him with her toe as Matt stepped towards her.  

"What's wrong? You're never on the ground." 

"Is he okay if you leave him there?" 

"He's unconscious, why?" 

"I need your help." 

Two minutes later, they were standing together over Clint's similarly unconscious body. Matt nudged his leg with a boot and then crossed his arms. "Yeah… I've been there…" He turned quickly to Tessa and patted her shoulder. "He's alive. Stop fretting."

"I know he's alive! It's the rest of it that concerns me--wait, you've literally been there? Passed out in a heap of garbage?"

"Oh, yeah. In a dumpster. It's how I met Claire… At least he's not bleeding like I was." 

Tessa had to consciously force herself to blink. This was one of those times it was a really good thing that she couldn't get a stress ulcer.  

"Stop gawking. It's not that hard to believe. Poke him, do one of your memory jump-starts. I think he's just sleeping." Matt waited for a second, but Tessa just continued staring in her shock. He shrugged and pulled out one of his batons. "Fine. I'll do it. Hey, Hawkeye, buddy… you're asleep in the garbage again." 

As he nudged him in the shoulder with the club, Clint's eyes lolled open and he waved a hand weakly. "'M fine. Fine. Nothin' t'see here. Move 'long. Just…  takin' five… b'back a'ma'feet… inna jiff…" 

Matt turned to her and shrugged. "See? He's fine." 

"He's not fine!" She hissed back, exasperated. "He's passed out in garbage! Something has to be wrong!" 

"I don't know, some days you just end up in the trash. I think your ex shares that awareness with me, that deep down we belong here sometimes." 

"Just help me get him up," Tessa grumbled, kneeling down and tugging on Clint's arm. "And switch off the Daredevil shtick. I'm not in the mood for your wise-cracking." 

Matt sighed, and then hoisted Clint over his shoulder. "He'd laugh, if he could hear." 

"What? Do you two know each other?" 

"Not much, but I got a feel from him from the brief meeting when he tried intimidating me into persuading you to erase yourself from his team. And, you know, from your memories." 

Tessa sighed, "the bleed through…" 

"Yeah, I know Clint Barton pretty well by now… and you and I both know this isn't his first trash nap." 

There was a gutted tenement Matt knew of where they took him. It wasn't warm, but it was less cold, and the rank stink of the trash was replaced by just much milder air of mildew. Tessa tugged at her hair as Matt unloaded him onto a busted up couch. This was such a not good situation, for so many reasons. 

"You think he'll be okay here?" 

"Better than out in the trash," Matt mumbled, his head tilting to the side. After a second he leaned closer to Clint and sniffed. "Huh." 

"'Huh' what?" 

He waved her over. "I couldn't smell it while he was lounging in yesterday's tuna salad, but I think he's been dosed. Look for puncture holes from a tranquilizer dart or needle…"

Tessa joined Matt, engaging in the genuinely uncomfortable task of feeling over every inch of Clint's limp body. Matt finally found it, a tiny puncture mark on the back of Clint's thigh. He grimaced at the smell of it. 

"Strong stuff, more than medical grade."  

She watched him unfasten his glove in confusion. "What are you doing?" 

"We need to get him out of this stupor, in case it's doing some kind of damage to his body. Being unconscious in the cold isn't good for your insides."  

"Yeah, but what are you doing?" 

"You think water's a good idea?" 

"Oh, god." Tessa winced at the first slap. Covered her face after the other. "Okay, okay, okay! Let me try something." 

"You sure?" Matt asked, grinning. "I'm kinda enjoying smacking him." 

"I know. Get." She shoved him away and set her hands on Clint's face. Searching turned up something viable pretty quickly. "He just needs a shot of adrenalin," she muttered, conjuring up to the surface of his mind the memory she'd found, about explosions and lungs burning as he ran. 

Sure enough, that worked. A huge gasp of air was dragged ragged into his chest as Clint's eyes shot open. His pupils were so small Tessa couldn't see them in the lowlight. He flailed, tumbling off the sunken couch and then lay, panting on the ground. "What in the fuck? What? … What?" 

Clint was awake, but he wasn't all there. The drug was strong. His body was fighting its effects with the adrenalin, but even the big burst Tessa had triggered was only just keeping Clint conscious after the initial surge. His eyes kept dilating and then rolling back into his head before he'd shake his head and blink them back into focus again. "What?" 

"We haven't said anything," Matt muttered a step behind Tessa.  

Clint didn't respond. Turning his head gently, Tessa found what she was expecting, his hearing aid was missing. "He can't hear you." She turned her face so Clint couldn't see it as she responded, without realizing she was wearing a mask. "He's deaf." 

"Yeah… I know…" Matt sighed and then joined her kneeling beside him. "I was just being a dick." 

"Yes. You were." Tessa grabbed Clint's face and then uncovered her mouth. "Hawkeye. You were tranquilized. Do you remember what happened?" 

His eyes narrowed, trying to focus on her. "Tranquilized? Oh. Yeah… yeah…" His eyes lolled back again and Tessa had to shake him awake again. "Whoa. The… the night's inside…"  

Matt growled with frustration. "He's loopy, but he's fine. I can hear everything leveling out slowly. We had better not be here when it does."

"You ain't seen those futzing Starkbots 'round here have you, lady?" 

Tessa jerked back to Clint. "Starkbots?" 

"Yeah… robots… Stark made 'em. Pack a whallop. Try'na escort me in… but I can't." 

"Why can't you go in with the Starkbots?" 

"Just… just wanted some… something in the Kitchen… can't remember what…" 

It felt like a knot had sealed Tessa's throat. He'd been tagged in their neighborhood. Matt was suddenly leaning over Tessa's shoulder. 

"What were you doing in Hell's Kitchen?" 

Clint's eye widened, one blinking a second before the other. "Whoa… ha. I get it… angel and devil thing here… am I hallucinating you?" He squinted at Tessa. "Have I seen you in a movie?" 

Matt snapped his fingers, just an inch in front of Clint's nose. "Focus, archer. You were in Hell's Kitchen when the Starkbot tagged you. Why were you there and why was it following you?" 

"My turn keeping an eye out… Cap errands, you know? Stupid thing must'a seen me from satellite. I shot it in the face. Almost made it away… un… un… un-something, but it shot me in the ass. Still slipped its trail. Then… the world got blurry." His head was getting heavier in Tessa's hands. His adrenalin spike must have been fading. 

Matt turned an ear towards him and the hopped onto the other side of him. "He's fading. The chemical is… getting stronger? Time released?" 

"Sounds like Stark… making a tranq you only need to inject once." Tessa took a deep breath and lightly slapped Clint's face again. His eyes wouldn't open again. 

"Just… feed the dog, Kate…" he mumbled and then dropped off completely.  

"Clint!" Tessa slapped him harder. She was beginning to rummage through his head for another high-octane moment, but Matt grabbed her elbow and pulled her away. 

"He's safe here. We moved him out of the quadrant that drone was in. They're not going to find him. Just let him sleep it off. It'll be safer for us all if he doesn't have any reason to remember this… like you sticking around, waiting from him to come to." 

Tessa glanced back over her shoulder at Clint. She chewed her lip. "I don't know…" 

"Really. He'll be fine. His heart is steady. He's not going to get frostbite in here. He'll be fine." 

He was on the ground, it was hard and cold and he was completely vulnerable. "I could just… I'll just phase him to his apartment, then I'll--" 

"Te--You're putting yourself at risk!"

Tessa took one look at his hand on her arm and then shook it off. "Temper, temper. Don't take that devil act too seriously," she warned, brushing past him towards Clint.  

"And you don't take the _angel_ act too seriously." He stopped following her, gravel crunching as he turned hard on the spot. "I'm going to go track down that moron now. He's probably woken up and broken into another car.”

He was gone when Tessa looked back. Matt was, however, waiting on her favorite sulking roof when she got back from Bed-Stuey. 

"You tuck him in?" 

Tessa scoffed and turned right back around, ready to phase to some place less infested with assholes. 

"Wait! I'm sorry." He sighed heavily behind her and she paused. "I'm sorry. I was being a dick again." 

"Yes, you were." 

His lips were tight when she turned back around. There was something else he wasn't saying and that was probably for the best. She was not in the mood, not after his earlier display. After a beat his jaw relaxed and Matt sighed again. "A real dick. I'm sorry. Especially for…" He waved a hand. 

Tessa crossed her arms and waited.  

"For… grabbing you like that…" 

She tapped her foot. 

"And… for telling you what to do. I was just frustrated, and worried about you and…" 

"And?" 

"And jealous." 

Tessa laughed, caught a little off guard. She uncrossed her arms and joined him on the ledge. "That was jealousy? I thought you thought I was being stupid." 

"Well, you were being--" he stopped short when she whipped around to look at him, but then continued right on. "You were being careless about your own safety." 

"Right," she scoffed, and then poked at the first hole she'd seen in the new suit, right at his armpit. "And what's this?" 

"Uh… some kid didn't know the definition of the word 'save.'" 

"Mm-hmm." 

"Okay, so I'm getting a taste of my medicine and I don't like it."

Tessa smothered a smile. "Smooth-talker," she grumbled and bumped her shoulder against his.

"And yet, you're still angry," Matt sighed. "I'm losing my touch." 

"No, you just got yourself in hotter water than usual." 

"Yeah… I find I'm the stupidest when jealousy is involved. I, uh… it's a flaw. That in combination with my temper… I can do some moronic shit." 

"What in the world do you have to be jealous about? He was unconscious! And more than that, we haven't been on the best of terms, memory-violation not even included!" 

"Your heart…" Matt cleared his throat, dropping his chin. "You still care about him." 

"I…Yes, I still care about him, because I don't want him dead. Whether he remembers me or not, he's still my friend. It's not because I want… to… tuck him in." 

He scoffed. "Oh, I was dick." 

"That was quite the one-liner. You were rattling them off tonight. Made me want to slap you." 

"He rubs me the wrong way. Don't know why." 

"He's not competition, believe me. And… and I know it may seem… I--I don't look at you and think of him, alright? Not even close. I saw him there in the cold, possibly beaten unconscious and I thought of you, about how I would feel if I found out you'd been lying cold and alone in the trash somewhere for hours, which now I know is not only a possibility but a historical fact! It isn't a feeling I enjoy, Knievel. I just want to think someone would do you the favor I did him if I'm not around." 

"Are you going to jerk away from me if I touch you?" 

Tessa sighed, "no, why--" 

She phased them in Matt's bedroom immediately. She couldn't get the mask from her face fast enough. There was a worry for second that if she didn't he might rip it. He was usually gentler than this, but so was Tessa. They'd just had a fight, their biggest one yet. Blood was running hot.  

"Get-- get it off!" Tessa pulled away from Matt, dragged her fingers down her side and began struggling to free herself. 

He was frozen, lips parted, chest rising and falling quickly. "What?" 

"Help me get this thing off!" 

"What?!" 

"Oh, unclench, you prude! I've taken it off around you before--" 

"Pieces…" 

"--this time I just intend to do it while kissing you… eventually… Would you help me?!"

Matt caught her as she was hopping on the spot, steadying her and then ripping his gloves off. He didn't waste a second once his hands were bare. Her suit was abandoned on the floor in a matter of seconds. She wasn't naked, but it was the barest she'd been in front of him. And there he was gaping at her in nearly full Daredevil get-up. It was amazing she could even process that, as exposed as she was, but she was focused, eye on the prize. Everyone else's memories bounced off of her, much less interesting than her here and now.  

The helmet came off first and Tessa went back to the thing that they had definitely by this point finessed. It was a whole different game, though, without the body suit. She could feel him when he touched her, _really_ feel him. But it was Matt who was most affected by the suit's absence. She actually had to slap his hand away from her underwear, and that was after telling him 'no' twice. 

"The suit is enough, don't you think. We're not jumping that far ahead. Where's your head at, Murdock?" 

He let out a slightly delirious laugh and then gestured down at them, in just their underwear tangled together. "Where do you think?" 

"Mmm. Good point. But still not an excuse. This is as far as it goes. I'm not taking any more off tonight. That doesn't mean we won't take full advantage of this development." Tessa leaned closer, feeling that old tingle all the way up to her scalp, but it was okay. It was safe. She could feel the difference. She could rein it in, if she wanted to.  

She didn't think it would be Matt doing the reining, though.  

"Huh?" She asked as he lifted her up by the waist and set her down beside him.  

"Hold that thought. Gotta clean." 

"Oh, for god's sake, Matt!"  

He was running around, gathering up the pieces of his suit. "Just… just let me put it out of sight." 

"Yeah, well, your arm is bleeding. You gonna clean that up first, too?" 

"Nope." 

"Yes, of course, priorities--mmm." It was okay, he was a fast tidier.  

And he made the right choice. It was good logical thinking. That much became very clear a frenzied quarter hour or so later when an excruciatingly ill-timed surprise left the two of them wheeling.  

"What was that?" Tessa gasped, sitting bolt upright. 

"The refrigerator…" Matt balanced on an elbow and then grabbed his sweats. "Stay here." 

Tessa hopped out of the bed right behind him. But they didn't have to leave his bedroom to discover what so rudely interrupted their fooling around.

"You got anything good in here? Anything frozen?!"

Matt stopped dead. His back was tense. "Why does he know to come here?" 

"I dunno," Tessa whispered back with a shrug. He scoffed and tossed her his shirt, stepping aside.  

Tessa padded into the living room a moment latter, tugging at the hem of Matt's t-shirt. "Wade!" She snapped. "Wade, what are you doing here?!" 

There were guns just… everywhere in the kitchen. He leaned out from inside Matt's fridge, cheese stick in his mouth. "Well, I was _trying_ to do you a favor, but clearly I'm not wanted--" 

"No, stop. What favor?" 

Wade set what looked to be a pipe bomb back down on the counter and gnawed at the cheese stick. "Oh, there's a bounty out on you… It's weird, I tried warning the fancy pants, big shots, but they didn't seem to remember you. Talk about short attention spans and a lack of appreciation, jeez!" 

"Why wasn't he among him?" Tessa hadn't heard Matt step up behind her.  

"He's… not a part of that team--or wasn't. And, besides, erasing things from his brain just seemed… over-cruel…" 

There was a low growl and then a slam. Matt had locked himself in the bathroom.  

"Am I cramping your style? Cock-blocking your swerve?" Wade shook his half-eaten cheese stick over Tessa's shoulder. "He's pretty… kinda blind, though." 

"Yes. I know, Wade. Who is it that has a bounty out on me and on which me?" 

He swung a hip out and set a hand on it. "You have a pattern, don't you? Like 'em damaged. Wait. Didn't I see you out with hornhead last time. You loving' and leavin' 'em again?" 

"Wade. Bounty. Who?"  

"Oh, I dunno. It's an anonynonynonymous one. Just has a drop spot for payout… with one, Mnemosyne, in tow. Hey, you think if I brought you and got the money, and then you just poofed away when I was in the clear, you think you could do that for me, pretty lady?" 

"No, Wade," Tessa sighed. "Though…I _am_ curious to find out who it is who's--" 

"THAT IS A HORRIBLE IDEA," came the muffled shout from the bathroom. 

Wade scoffed, "eavesdrop much?" 

"This is his home you're trespassing in, Wade… and he is right, that's a horrible idea." 

He shrugged, finishing off the cheese stick and tossing the wrapper on the floor behind him. "Worth asking. Oh! And have you seen Hawkguy? I'm supposed to find him or kill him… _one_ of the two… probably kill him." 

Tessa's fingernails would have cut through her palms if her skin could be broken. "Wh-- _who_ sent you on that errand, Wade?" 

"Some disguised-voiced dude _… or_ lady… I couldn't tell. Wanted him for questioning, or something." He was fidgeting with Matt's carefully arranged countertops now. Tessa needed to get him out of there before Matt put him through a window. 

"So, they probably want you to find him and _not_ kill him, Wade. But, no… no Hawkeye sightings here." 

"Good point! Okay, well, lemme know if you do. Guess I gotta go birdwatching! Laterz!" 

Tessa locked the roof door and straightened out the kitchen before approaching Matt, hoping to soften the coming blow. She had to go find Clint. She had to get him out of his apartment. That would be the first place that Wade waltzed into looking to find slash slaughter him. Matt was still in the bathroom, though the door was unlocked. He was cleaning the cut on his shoulder. 

"Listen, Matt, I'm--" 

" _He_ smells like he sleeps in garbage all the time. Maybe he's right, maybe you do have a pattern, Tessa. Human refuse." 

He was angry, like she expected. "Stop that. You're lashing out and I may deserve it, but not for that. I was very upfront with you about cleaning up my act when it came to… sexual decisions." 

His shoulders dropped. "I know… I'm sorry. I was being a dick again… I'm on edge tonight. Something feels… precarious." 

"Yeah," Tessa rubbed the back of her neck, willing the goosebumps to go away. Two encounters in under two hours. That wasn't just coincidence. "I kind of get that feeling, too. So… when you're all cleaned up, can we pick up where we left off, or has he completely spoiling the makeup canoodling?" 

In the mirror, Tessa could watch Matt's mood break. He stopped fighting the smile and turned around. "Canoodling?" 

"Yeah…" She stepped up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "You know, cute, but with racy implications. I can show you what I mean when I get back." 

Matt softly pushed the hair from her face, but then slipped out of reach, returning to doctoring the cut. "Pretty sure… the mood's spoiled. But it served its purpose, we're made up…"  

"I thought its purpose was to make me feel amazing, but okay…"

"…you can go save Barton," he finished mumbling under his breath as Tessa turned to leave. 

"What was that? Wait. You're mad again." 

"I'm not. Just tired. It's late." His jaw was tight, shoulders angled away from her and the mirror so she couldn't see his face. He was furious.

"You're lying, I can tell when you're lying, too, you know."

He shook his head, putting away the ointment and gauze and tape back into the kit as she spoke. 

"So, stop lying and just tell me, Matt! Now what are you angry about?" 

The first aid kit struck the bathroom wall with a resounding clatter. Bandages and alcohol swabs erupted everywhere. A roll of gauze came spooling out to stop by Tessa's foot.  

"You are letting your compassion endanger yourself, Tessa! Yes! I'm angry!" Matt turned on the spot, flexing his hands, but then put them on his hips.  "I'm--I'm…" He let out deep breath and spoke to the floor. "I'm sorry I yelled. But, I meant that…" 

A step towards her. Tessa moved backwards. He wilted.  

"It's a beautiful, wonderful part of you, but your unconditional empathy is putting you in unnecessary danger. And for people who barely deserve you to tolerate them, much less to put yourself on the line for their convenience!" He began picking up his mess. "Barton is a fuck up who carelessly exposed you to life-threatening bullshit, while treating you… like… a means to an end! And Deadpool is a selfish maniac, who again takes advantage of your good nature. He wanted to trade you for _money_." 

"He knew I would be safe." 

"He wouldn't have even stayed around to make sure, Tessa! They don't deserve you to even blink their way!" 

Tessa scoffed and began sealing herself back up into her suit. "That's not fair, Matt. I can take care of myself."

"It is fair, you can't always, and you defending them just proves my point! I--I… it's not my place, but I think you should just forget them, all of them. They're not worth it." 

The blood was pounding in her ears now. Her knuckles were turning white as she fought to keep her tone civil. "You realize what a… a… a complete hypocrite you're being right now, don't you? Mr. This City Needs Me? Mr. I Put My Life on the Line Every Night for People Who Couldn't Care Less? Hmm? You were just cleaning a cut that might give you hepatitis because some kid didn't want you saving him from his shitty, ignorant lifestyle!" 

Matt stood back up, the kit put away, and crossed his arms. "You finished?" 

"Yeah. I'm finished." She rolled her eyes and sealed up her mask. "You really are fucking blind sometimes."  

And then she was gone. She had someone to put herself on the line for thanklessly.


	7. Old Habits Die Hard

Some shit had seriously gone down.  

Foggy had no idea what, but something had definitely happened and he was definitely suffering for it. Matt was at all-time levels of recalcitrance and anytime someone asked about it, he just retreated deeper into himself. On the fourth day of single-word responses, Foggy had to corner him. The response had been that he didn't want to talk about it, before he left the offices and didn't return for the rest of the day. He'd turned off his phone, too. It made Foggy nervous when he did that.  

"They had a fight. Had to have," Karen said quietly as Foggy got his voicemail for the third time. "I… uh, know that tone. That's 'I'm furious with myself.'" 

"Yeah… problem is… they're both so damn stubborn. I don't know if either of them will back down." He stuffed his phone into his jacket pocket. "You got Jess's number, don't you?" 

"Uh, yeah…" Over the phone, the concern in her normally sarcastic tone was even more jarring, even while whispering. "It's a fucking fallout zone back at the apartment. I've been… distracted the past few weeks, so I've not really been around, but it's impossible to not feel the active volcano vibe when I'm back there. And… she's sleeping at home again." 

Foggy drew a deep, shuddering breath. "Damn it." 

"What? You know something?" 

He'd been waiting for this, hoping he'd be proven wrong. "No--I mean, well, yeah. All of Matt's relationships have an expiration date, like, they're doomed from the start. This one, I guess, was just… a little later than I expected. Went and got my hopes up for the guy."

"Goddamn," she hissed, "you could'a warned me... She's not exactly pleasant to be around right now. Jesus Christ. And the dreams…" 

Foggy shuddered, not even wanting to imagine what the backlash felt like around Tessa and her memory mumbo-jumbo. "Sorry… He doesn't stay this messed up about it for this long, but then again, they just don't last this long... not anymore.... I don't know, we're basically in uncharted territory now, ladies. Hell, I could be wrong. They could come back from this." 

"Sure. I'll just hold my breath, th-- fuck. Gotta go!" Her volume increased so much and so suddenly that both Karen and Foggy jumped away from the phone. "DON'T--"

They both stared blankly at the phone for a moment after the call ended in what sounded to be the middle of a chase scene.

"She's right," Foggy muttered, letting his head fall onto his arms. "We're screwed. You got a horseshoe or anything, Karen? 'Cause now would be the time to hang it up. Neither of us want to deal with Matt nursing the wounds from this big a breakup. Trust me." 

"I'll, uh… see what I can do… You think we should call Tessa?" 

"God, no. They… this is all them. You and I just need to stay out of the crossfire…" 

 

It was the fourth time in two weeks Clint had found himself, not only on the island, but caught up in something in Midtown. He didn't even like the place. Why was he clearing out their pests? It was two in the morning and he had better things to be doing than pinning douchebags to a wall. And yet, here he was. The fourth one actually yelped as the arrow caught his jacket.

"So futzin' dramatic," Clint grumbled, swinging his bow over his shoulder and scrambling down the fire escape. "I didn't even touch you." 

"You crazy ass motherfucker shooting people with a motherfuck--" That first one was mouthy, but Clint's putty recipe was more than a mouthful.  

He tossed the putty casing and slapped the cell phone away from the nearest guy. It was going to stay quiet now. One was unconscious and the other two were smart enough to keep their mouths not full of putty. He stopped about midway between them and crossed his arms. 

"Alright, fellas, you're going to tell me where you're getting the junk you've been moving out into the city. I'll ask each of nicely and then I'm going to start asking with more of my trick arrows. Sadly, your buddy here got my only knockout gas one. The others aren't as kind. Capisce?" 

Two nodded, putty-mouth screamed something obscene, no doubt, but Clint couldn't tell. His mouth was full of putty.  

"Great, I'll start with you, Mr. Dramatic. Where are you getting the juice?" 

"I--it comes from over our heads, man. We're just the runners." 

Clint rolled his eyes and reached over his shoulder. "That's not good enough, yelpy. Not good enough." He charged up a shocker and frowned. The guy squirmed even harder as the arrowhead came nearer and nearer to his chest. "You gotta pick it up from somewhere. This isn't the first--" 

The ground shook as the dump he'd pinned them in against just lost its nearest door. Clint guessed small grade explosive, but couldn't tell. There was no smoke. Could have just been that big ass steel door toppling over. The three conscious runners went basically ballistic as shots started firing off behind them. 

"Oh! You dipshits. You got nabbed at the distribution center. Man, you're so boned. Looks like… not only did you get trailed here by me… but also by the competition. I'm guessing you won't have jobs tomorrow, so you might as well take the rest of the night off."  

He split the voltage charged up between yelpy and his silent friend and then punched out putty-mouth. He just didn't like the way that guy was eyeing him. Time to find out what was going on inside. 

"I shoulda brought Kate in on this one," he thought as he saw just what was going on inside. "She woulda had a ball."  

Inside was melee central. In a hilarious turn of events everyone was attempting to shoot the hell out of this one guy who just hadn't taken the hint that this was a gunfight. He must have been a stubborn futzer, though, because he'd managed to turn that shoot out into a fight club. And he was winning. It already wasn't a fair fight, but Clint decided to make it a bit quicker for everyone. And besides, damn it, he wasn't just going to stand there and watch. He'd come all this way, might as well get a random team-up out of it.

He probably should have warned the local, though. First shot the guy spinning flip-kicked out of the air. These Manhattan guys and their ninja moves.  

"Not killing them!" He barked over at Clint. 

"I'm just trying to knock 'em out nicer than you, bruiser!" 

Clint caught a flash of a begrudging grin and took aim again. This one hit, naturally. He picked them off from the doorway and began detonating their cargo, when Mr. Melee got in the way. In a few minutes there were no irradiated drugs or conscious dealers left in that condemned building.  

"Don't you Avengers have better things to be doing?"  

Clint looked up from collecting his arrows. "Only an Avenger some of the time,… guy. Who are you?" 

"… Papers call me Daredevil… Not sure how I feel about it." 

"You could just go by your name, but… masks complicate things. This the only distribution center for this crap?" 

"In my neighborhood." He found something on one of the bodies and pocketed it. "Already took out the others. It's coming in from somewhere else, though. Haven't been able to find out where since I trashed their lab here." 

Clint sighed. "They've got labs everywhere. Cockroaches." 

"Here." He took whatever it was out of his pocket and tossed it to Clint. "You can probably do more with that than me, Avenger." 

It was a phone. Clint thumbed through it and found just lists of coordinates. "These are-- all over the city…" he said to no one. The Devil was gone. As he looked around for him, Clint caught sight of flashes of blue and red. "That… grumpy… asshole… Leaving me with his mess." There went his three hours of sleep. Police always took forever. 

She had been less than a block away when he had caught wind of her. She was sitting somewhere not looking to be found. If it hadn't been for Jess's perfume and that tea, he wouldn't have noticed her. And, there Tessa was exactly the last place he'd expected her, on top of his church. She was knitting. He edged to the corner of the apartment building next door and squatted, waiting. Either she'd talk to him or she wouldn't. 

"I know you're there," she mumbled and Matt took it as an invitation, if a half-hearted one.  

He had some apologizing to do, especially after the last half hour. With things like they had been the past few days, he had to take what opportunity she left for him. But he wasn't even on the church yet to take that opportunity, when she started talking again.  

"I've found that places can hold memories too," she was talking to her knitting, voice distant. Wouldn't even look at him. "It's like people focus so much mental and emotional energy on the place while they're there and it ends up remembering them. A backup, holding onto a little piece of their life for them. This place has a bunch. So much, like hospitals and schools, any place of worship. But I like this church especially… it's got so much of you. It whispers its secrets and I feel like I'm your priest. I've been here every night, you know. This is the first night you noticed me. I was trying to figure out why you're so angry… now I know. Not the details, don't worry, with places it's more like I'm playing a long game of telephone. It's just the vibes. You're angry but you're scared and this is where those two align. You've connected it with something bigger than you and that's fair. You may be afraid of it, but all that rage… it's because you're trying to help. I get that--" 

Matt couldn't wait anymore. This was his chance, he was going to apologize before she evaporated. "Tessa, I just finished cleaning out a rat hole with Barton. I… I misjudged him. Some. He's a decent guy. I'm sorry I put you in a position where you had to choose between coddling me and a decent guy's life. That was wrong." 

She looked at him, finally. He could smell the ginger on her as she tried to stammer out a response. "I--I… I… I… well, okay. Is he alright? No. Don't answer that. I had planned out a whole thing and a bunch of it is still important, if no longer topically relevant, so… lemme finish. Ahem." When she cleared her throat the second time, she was on the other side of him, almost touching.  

"I'm trying to help, too. We share that, like so much else. My problem, the thing that scares me is control. I'm always afraid of losing control, because I've found myself without it so often. I can be awfully compulsive and selfish as a result. I didn't realize I was scaring you while I was being that way and I'm sorry I did scare you. But what you have to realize is that I cherish my freewill, my right to whatever the hell I want, because I haven't always had that. B--but you know that part already…" 

"I was completely out of line," Matt said, taking her hand as it hung beside his. "I know. I'm sorry." 

"Good. I--I'm not going to apologize for being the way that I am. And… and I don't think that you want me to either. But… but I will apologize for scaring you--I already did that, so, I'll also apologize for… that blind comment. That was… horrible of me." 

He couldn't help but laugh. It felt good to again. "It was about time you stopped avoiding it. You're too nice. Now, I get to finish apologizing. I'm sorry for being blind, and you know what I mean. And for being selfish. I know you can take care of yourself… I'd just prefer to keep you around with things as they are… without sharing." 

She chuckled. He'd missed that sound as well. "I know that now. You gotta tell me when something's bothering you, Knievel. I'm not psychic." 

"No? Well… you are insightful. I think you just explained to me why I have such a hard time having relationship that lasts longer than a carton of milk." 

"Your secret second life as a badass probably hasn't helped…" 

"Not really. Neither has my temper. I can't believe I lost it with you… several times. I'm sorry. Again." 

Her lips were cool on his cheek, warmed just a bit as she pressed a kiss. "It's okay. If you didn't have something you were working on, I'd be worried. And look like a complete tool. I… I should have erased myself from W--from Deadpool. You were right. That was careless."

"You would have hated yourself for doing it," Matt mumbled. 

"Right again. I would have… that's why I still haven't. Thanks for letting me finish. I… I forgive you, Matt." 

He caught her cheek as she leaned away from his ear, wishing he didn't have the gloves on. "Thank you, Tessa. Will… will I be sleeping alone again tonight?" 

Their noses brushed. He could feel her laugh against his lips, even through her mask. "Only if you don't forgive me too." 

"You think you need my forgiveness? Fine, you're forgiven." She let him steal one moment's brush of their lips. "Forgiven for a well-deserved comment, for calling me out. Forgiven but not forgotten." 

Tessa scoffed as he dropped to the awning below them. "That bad pun is not forgiven!" 

"I thought it was a good one!" He called back. There was a scuffle happening outside a bar down the street, knives. She'd be waiting, so he'd have to break this one up quickly. 

… … … 

Wanda had been having disturbing dreams. They had been troubling her nights for weeks, leaving her searching for solace in the days. She hadn't told anyone, because it was just a suspicion, but she believed there was something wrong with her reality. Her mind was reeling from some intrusion, curling in on itself like a wounded animal. She kept dreaming of a fallen angel.  

In a sweat, she woke up again from one of these dreams. Her companions slept still, but this townhome they were temporarily crashing in had its distractions. Wanda turned on the television and tried to numb her brain back to sleep. Late night programming was a surreal experience, she had discovered that immediately upon coming to America. The strangest things would appear to fill the empty hours when most people were asleep. No doubt that was a plague to insomniacs. She flipped through channels until she found a piece that was more than disembodied voices describing various products. An elderly man was speaking in front of a blue screen, the lighting was poor and an insipid elevator tune played quietly behind his words. A montage of testimonials, these at least would distract Wanda. And distract her they did. 

"…hard to describe my life before that night. My wife says it was like I was in my own little world."  

A voice over filled the sound as the screen showed a montage of softlit images of a nursing home. "Dwayne was diagnosed with Alzheimer's relatively young. He had spent the last twelve years of his life in a care facility as his faculties soon became too limited for his wife, Maryann, to handle on her own at home." 

"There were days I could remember her visiting, but those were few and far between. Mostly, it felt like I was in someone else's body. Then, that night happened. I remember it more clearly than almost anything else in my life, save my wedding day and the birth of my children. My brother was an alcoholic and he once described to me the instant he knew he had to change his life. He called it his moment of clarity. I doubt his was anything compared to mine." 

Wanda gasped, sinking to her knees from the couch, as the screen flashed a drawing of her fallen angel.

"I woke up, my mind clear as day, and there was this angel standing over me. She was made of stars, and I haven't forgotten a thing since. That was my miracle." 

"Dwayne is not alone. Dozens others will attest to this phenomenon--" 

Wanda didn't process anything that followed. Her head was full of fire. Hands on her ears, knees to her chest, she writhed on the ground and willed it to stop. She felt the tension, a tug and then a snap, as she remembered.  

"Tessa!" Her eyes flew open to see a burst of red magic billow away from her. "Oh, no. Tessa… Oh… oh, no…" 

Half a world away, the round Natasha had been loading dropped to the table with a clatter. Her eyes found the shelf in her corner immediately, where the lone teacup sat. "No…" she whispered. 

In god-forsaken Midtown, Manhattan, Clint stopped mid-fire escape. The lights continued to flash around him as cruisers rushed past. 

And elsewhere, another insomniac moved smoothly from one problem to another, saved from the same painful epiphany as his fellows. "FRIDAY? Do me a favor, pull up those back burner files. I just remembered we've got a different angle to approach this from…"


	8. Pandora's Box

Jess was being weird. Tessa knew that she had the excuse of working a lot and seeing a new guy, but Jess was being weird. It had mostly been left alone while Tessa dealt with her own weirdness, but as the dust settled from that, she couldn't ignore it any longer. Jess was straight up being weird.

"Whoa."

 "I know. It was like this when I got here. It's like… uh, I can't even think of anything to compare it to."

 Tessa waited for Matt to take in the spectacle and then pulled him down the hall. "My room, excluding my bed, is intact and so is the bathroom, but every other room has suffered from this… I don't even know what to call it."

 "I'm guessing there used to be furniture… and not photographs plastered on every wall."

 "Precisely. I found the furniture before you got here. It's under a tarp… on the roof. I've only been gone since yesterday morning. Sorry this is the first time you're over at my place, by the way." She kissed him on the cheek and then led him back out to the living room.

 "And you tried calling her?"

 "Like half a billion times. Okay, so not really." Tessa took out her phone and checked. "I called her ten times. She keeps auto rejecting it with the 'I'm in a meeting message.' I look like a psycho, but…"

 "Yeah, an appropriate reaction." He was running his fingers over the photos on the wall. "What are all these of?"

 "Uh, well, that's what makes this even weirder. They’re all of Jess. Looks like someone’s been surveilling her and she found their stash. Or… she’s been cataloguing where she’s been the past few weeks via traffic cams or something. I don’t get it. And certainly the furniture removal makes no sense, with the photos or otherwise."

 "Does she enjoy anchovies?" Matt asked, moving into the kitchen. "And by enjoy, I mean, eat tons of ‘em?"

 "Uh, so far as I know, she subsists solely off of peanut butter. Why?"

 He opened their trash with a grimace. "Because there're about twenty empty tins of it in your garbage."

 "Weird…" Tessa just stared at the tins as she tried to process it. "I told you, she's being weird." Her phone rang in her hand.

 "That her?"

 "No… text from… I'm guessing Deadpool. Apparently, the bounty on my head has been removed. … This is a weird day."

 "Sure is. And the floor… that's glass and shredded roses--"

 "Artificially-colored purple roses, which I found extra weird… and yeah, scattered pieces of wood and metal and some cloth. I haven't figured out what that's from. But it's everywhere."

 "I'd like to check out the furniture."

 "Come with me."

Tessa walked with Matt up to the roof, fingers laced with his. If this was the weirdest her life was going to be for the foreseeable future, she could deal with it. Jess was alive, chugging away new memories a stretch across town. Tessa really only had to worry if she'd gone insane. Most likely, it was just a really strange case. And plus side, people weren't going to be trying to hunt Tessa down for money, so maybe she could be a little more adventurous on her healing trips at night. If she kept herself from watching the news or reading a newspaper or getting on the internet, things might not be too shabby.

 "Here we are. I haven't had a chance to check it all yet, but I am pretty sure it's all there."

 "The beds are missing," Matt said immediately without even lifting the tarp.

 "What?"

 "I'm assuming she sleeps on a bed. There wasn't one in the second room downstairs, yours is missing, and there aren’t any here."

 Tessa flung back the tarp and crawled underneath it, peering through the stacks of tables and chairs. Sure enough, no beds. "Weird… That must be our beds all obliterated downstairs. What could do that?"

 "A wood chipper…"

 "Did you… sense a wood chipper?"

 Matt shrugged, both shoulders and mouth. "Nope. Just the only thing I could think of. I'll agree with you on this one, Tessa. It's weird. And… I don't know what to tell you. I liked being in your room, though. Feels like you. Want my help cleaning up the bits on the floor? There’s a recess until tomorrow morning."

 "Please. I'll see if I can find the broom and dust pan in this mess. I think… we might have a vacuum… somewhere."

There was no vacuum to be found. The random pile also turned up no broom. But the super had a couple to spare and in a few minutes time Matt and Tessa were sweeping up about two hundred pounds of random bed and rose confetti from the floor. She chatted through most of it, telling him about the cases Jess had passed off onto her and she was getting paid for miraculously. That morning she was excited because the obituaries had zero names she knew and she'd found this boy who'd been missing for over two years. Matt was also in good spirits, but quiet, like he had been for the past few days as Ingold's trial chugged along. He wasn't allowed to talk to Tessa about what was happening in the courthouse because the trial had gained some publicity and the judge had issued a gag order. Maybe that was what was making him a little less inclined to share his thoughts that morning. Then again, he'd never really been the talkative one of the two of them.

 "…She kidnapped him but had no idea what to do with him. They've been bouncing along the east coast as she committed insurance fraud over and over again. Crazy." Tessa dumped a pan of scraps into their gigantic trash bag and watched him listening to something. "Something wrong?"

 "No. I thought it was Jessica coming back, but one of your neighbors wears the same perfume. She just went inside an apartment down the hall."

 "Oh… That's Karalee. I guess she had her baby… ugh." She shivered at the thought of that ordeal and went back to sweeping.

 "What was that?"

 "What?"

 "You… shook your whole body."

 "It was a shiver of disgust. Kids scare the hell out of me."

 His face went a little lopsided as he smiled in confusion. "But, you were a teacher… That's essentially a part-time mother."

 "Okay, but no. Because being around them for a little while and for forever are two entirely different things."

 "You're the expert," he laughed and dumped his own pan of scraps out. "I think the metal pieces are from electronics… or bullet casings. It's not hardware, too smooth and polished… with these miniscule imprints, like serial numbers."

 Tessa took the piece of metal from him to inspect it, but didn't respond. Something had jarred her about his response.

 Matt was an excellent debater. He hardly made it feel like a dispute, but the two of them could go for hours essentially arguing with calm words over a minor thing, like the taste of green beans. He didn't just back down, not unless he thought there was a good reason to. For Matt, Tessa had found there were exactly three good reasons: either he was wrong and knew it, he didn't know enough about the topic to do it justice, or he felt the argument was going to be detrimental to Tessa or their relationship in some way.

 This time, it was the second. He'd admitted she was the expert, she was a teacher. But he'd been around teachers enough to make a good debate of it. That was because the comment wasn't really about teachers; they were just the comparison.

 "Matt?"

 "Yeah?" He stopped and grinned, catching something in the tone of her voice.

 "Can I ask you something… deep?"

 The grin widened. "You know you can ask me whatever you want by now, Tessa."

 "Why haven't you… ever mentioned your mother? You made two offhand comments about 'yours' in your Daredevil persona, but I think that was just part of the act."

He dropped his chin. "I… don't mention her for the same reason you don't talk about either of your parents. She abandoned me. I have nothing to mention."

Tessa nodded, knowing he would feel it, and watched him return to sweeping. The next part would require a delicate touch. His voice hadn't changed as he responded, was no harder or quieter, but Tessa could still tell he was close to closing himself off to her. If she said the wrong thing, he would stop talking entirely until the gloom passed.

 "If you want… I can find her."

To her surprise, a smile flitted briefly over his face. It was one of the ones she hadn't mastered the meaning of. All she knew was that it wasn't a purely happy one. "I'll keep that in mind. Thanks, Tessa. Have… have you found yours?"

 "Yes."

 "Just yes?" He asked after a minute.

 "They're in Saratoga. Three kids, two grandkids… happy." Tessa shrugged like it didn't matter. She had to make it so it didn't matter.

 "I'm sorry, Tessa."

 "I'm not. They left and never once looked back, I'd know. Good riddance. I… I have a found family now, a better one than they ever could have been."

 Matt took her hands in his own and gently unclenched them. "That's exactly how I feel." He set aside the brooms and dragged the garbage bag out of the center of the room.

 "Wh--what're you doing?"

 "We can finish this later. Come on, I want you to meet my priest."

Tessa dug her heels in. "Oh-ho, no. I don't care what you do with your spirit, or whatever, but don't go putting your mitts on mine. You're not converting me, Murdock."

 "Oh, I won't," he laughed. "You've made it perfectly clear how you feel about religion. He's just a man in a building that I want you to meet. He's actually at the orphanage I grew up in today. I want you to see it."

 She eyed him for a minute or two, but eventually gave in and let him lead her to this priest of his. It ended up being a pleasant kind of outing. The sun was really out for the first time in months and Tessa could feel the thaw coming. It was the middle of the work day, so the streets were humming with life but not overcrowded, and it was a nice change of pace to just stroll with Matt. She could actually be his girlfriend when they were out together during the day. She could hold his hand, and lean her head on his shoulder, and all that other corny hallmark card crap they couldn't do at night as their alter egos. It was nice. Plus, anything beat sweeping up mysteriously shredded items back at the apartment.

Saint Agnes was one of those places you could walk past a thousand times and never notice, a thought that made Tessa feel ill as she had it. The building was older and covered in the wispy skeletons of vines. She imagined that during the spring and summer it would look rich and full of character, but right then, in the ebbing desolation of winter, it looked neglected.

 "It's not really an orphanage," Matt muttered to her when she stopped to take it in. "It's a boarding school. The nuns take care of the kids and teach them, just like at a Catholic school… they just live here all the time."

 "How long were you here, Matt?" She couldn't move. How could she have gone all this time without actually confronting the fact that he had been an orphan, had been abandoned?

 "Until I left. It's alright, I'm fine. Let's go inside."

 "I'm sorry I never asked," she whispered, tears in her eyes. "I knew about your dad, but… I never asked…"

 He kissed the top of her head, stayed there for a beat, buried in her hair. "It's not much different from what you dealt with… Actually, I can't really complain, in comparison."

 "Were you adopted, or…"

 "In a way. Can you… are you going to be able to do this on your own, or do I need to carry you inside?"

 Tessa grabbed his hand in both of hers and took a deep breath. "If you're okay, I'm okay."

 "I'm okay. Their morning lessons are just about over by now. We're just in time."

 Matt had clearly spent a great deal of time in this complex of buildings. He navigated their labyrinthine structure with absolute ease. A hodgepodge of buildings, trees, and paths, they seemed to have grown organically into the city block. Behind the main building on the street were a set of dormitories and a chapel, all fitted like puzzle pieces into the space between the surrounding walkups. He led them to the chapel, a faded brick and ivy-tendriled façade, like the rest of them, but with pitched roof and alcoves on one end. Inside, the chapel looked just like any other Catholic church Tessa had been in. Meaning, it looked pretty similar to Matt's. It smelled like wood polish and candles and Tessa could feel the years of sermons humming in the walls. And the sounds of children.

 Near the area where the altar looked like it belonged there was a big wooden table and around it were sat about a dozen kids. Behind it, at a rolling chalkboard stood who Tessa assumed to be Matt's priest. He was lecturing, from the back of the chapel Tessa could just tell it was a history lesson. In the front rows of pews a few nuns sat with some older children, who looked to be reading or doing homework. A few more nuns were in one of the alcoves, at fold out tables preparing sandwiches. As Tessa and Matt sat down in a back pew, one of these noticed them and swept their way. When she did, Tessa was wrenched from taking in the rest of the sight and snapped her focus onto her. She tried to react, to warn Matt, to do anything, but her mind was too slow with shock. Words had left her.

 "If you two are looking to adopt, the sisters in the main building can help you. They're in the first room to your right."

 Beside Tessa, Matt gave a gentle chuckle and shook his head. "No, I'm afraid we're not. Just waiting on Father Lantom. Thank you, Sister…"

 "Sister Maggie."

 "Yes. Thank you, Sister Maggie."

 "You're welcome, child."

 Watching her walk slowly back to the front of the chapel, Tessa's ears began ringing. Her fingers were tighter than a vice around his wrist. When the nun was out of earshot, Matt patted her hand and gave her a small nod.

 "I know." He waited for a moment, smile barely hiding the real emotions on his face. "I know, Tessa. I didn't need you to find her for me. I did that a long time ago… She just didn't want to be found, not by her old life."

 "But this is your… You grew up…"

 "She moved here after I left… a month after."

 Her heart ached for Matt as she leaned against his shoulder. If only Tessa could stroke his hair and just will the pain away for him. She frankly couldn't believe he'd brought her here. If that had been Tessa's mother, she would never had come within a hundred feet of the building, of the block. Why had she opened her big mouth and asked? That look on his face, the anguished memories dredged up fresh, those were her fault. She needed to learn to leave well enough alone.

 "I'm so sorry, Matt. Who… who knows?"

 "Just Foggy… and now you. She doesn't even know."

 "How could she not? You--"

 "I don't think she wants to know," Matt said quietly and lifted his chin towards the front of the chapel.

 His mother had just passed Father Lantom, who had stopped her to ask a question. The brief look of pain on the old man's face quickly hidden told its own story.

 "The priest knows," Tessa whispered. "He… found out eight months ago by accident."

 "Yes, that would make sense. He doesn't know that I know, however, and… I don't want his pity. Not yet."

 "I hear you. Not a word."

 Matt kissed the side of her head and then stood, pulling her out of the pew and down the aisle to meet the priest headed their way. He was one of those older men who looked like he had seen some years but hadn't felt them. He was over seventy, but spry and animated. There was none of the lethargy that slowed joints and clouded eyes in old age. And he had the energy of a spiritual man. Tessa had met a few leaders of various faiths in her romp through the hospital's religious offerings. Only a small number of them had that aura of true belief around them. Father Lantom now added one to her tally. He didn't smile, but his expression was not unkind as he approached.

 "Matthew, I haven't seen you in some time. Now I see why." He gave a small nod to Tessa. "You've found solace in another ear."

 "Tessa, this is Father Lantom. Father, Tessa Bisho."

 "A pleasure, Ms. Bisho."

Tessa saw Matt begin to correct the priest, but then stop. His head turned slightly, towards the other end of the chapel instead. The nuns were talking. His mother was talking, about the next lesson, an English lesson. His earlier comment about teachers resonated hard in Tessa's head and she felt sick again. But Father Lantom was waiting. Tessa forced a smile and shook the priest's hand. He had a gentle way about him, but his hands were rough. Tessa could feel the ringing impact of tools and the grain of wood. A carpenter. As she let go of his hand she smiled again, this time genuinely. She enjoyed meeting someone who was their vocation through and through.

"What brings you to Saint Agnes this morning? It's certainly not where I usually find you…"

 Matt chuckled. "No, I suppose not. The mood struck. It felt like a good day to introduce her to this part of my life."

 The priest's eyes rested on Matt. He looked like he was about to say something, but then stopped. Instead, he patted Matt's shoulder warmly. "This chapel is an underappreciated monument. I sometimes prefer it to my own. And the sisters… they do good work. Will you be touring the rest of the grounds? I find one corner of the garden particularly… restorative, even this time of year."

 Matt turned to her, eyebrows raised. "Would you like to see the garden?"

 "I…" Tessa tugged her eyes away from the nun in the corner, swallowed the vindictive rage bubbling up. "I would. Yes, thank you, I would."

 "Please, lead the way, Father."

 "You don't know it, Matthew?"

 "Gardens weren't really things I grew to appreciate until later in life…" Matt paused as the priest started towards the door. His hand tugged on Tessa's, forcing her away from the seething focus that had fallen again on his mother. "Tessa?"

 "Right. Yes."

Father Lantom walked quickly, made no show of escorting the two of them. He knew. Tessa could feel it in the set of his jaw and the length of his stride. The man knew about Matt and that Tessa knew. It was uncanny.

Behind the chapel, between it and the squat brick dormitories, was nestled a small courtyard. In each of its mismatched corners was a cold patch of earth. There was a waft of sweat and folded habits about the place, soil and spades and fertilizer. In the spring, there would be flowers in one, vegetables in another. In the last corner was a small set of bushes surrounding a bird bath. Father Lantom stopped beside it and sat on a stone bench, waiting. Matt followed, a smirk on his face.

"Restorative, Father?"

"Quiet and secluded. I had the feeling there was more to your visit than a tour of the premises. Is there something the two of you would like to discuss? Perhaps in confidence?" His eyes, more grey than blue, settled on Tessa. She felt like an open book.

"Tessa doesn't subscribe, Father," Matt said with some humor as he sat down. That left her standing there, unsure what to do.

"That doesn't change how I do things. Ms. Bisho has a gift. Would you care to unburden yourself of its trappings, Tessa?"

On the bench, Matt laughed quietly and shook his head. "You're too observant for your own good, Father."

 "Ms. Bisho shared something with me, when she shook my hand. I'm only looking to make sure she is not troubled by it. As you can be, Matthew, by your own… gifts."

Tessa didn't know what to say. She hadn't realized she'd passed anything on to the priest, that she'd exposed herself when she shook his hand. She had no idea what trappings he might mean. "Uh…"

"You don't have to believe what I believe to know that some things are right and others are wrong, Tessa. Taking things into our own hands is a daunting task, but leaving them to fester can be equally as terrible. Matthew knows that finding the balance, knowing when to wait and when to act, can be difficult. What you must have is faith--you must trust that the choice you make does more good than suffers harm to persist." He waited, eyes still resting on her own.

Beside Tessa, Matt took a deep breath and folded his hands. "She did what she had to do."

"Yes, perhaps, Matthew, but she doesn't know that. Do you, Tessa? You're gift terrifies you. The temptation it invites has you walking on eggshells. But, you should know, in my experience, there is no proverbial Pandora's box. One mistake doesn't really unleash the rest. You have to decide to allow yourself to be… swayed to err."

He meant corrupted. Tessa could feel the word down to her toes.

"I trust you chose not to use that quality of your gift again, today?"

Matt turned to Tessa quickly, brow knitting.

The priest held eye contact with her. It was a warm kind of pity she saw in his face now. "Such a responsibility…"

Tessa shook her head. She hadn't really been considering it. She wouldn't violate Matt's mind that way, even if it seemed like it would help. It wasn't her decision. His pain was a part of him. His mother, as neglectful and selfish as she was, was a part of him. Tessa would never really take that away.

"I was… upset… by some news. I'm impulsive, but not that impulsive…" she muttered and sat down beside Matt. His hand found hers and squeezed.

"I didn't think so." Father Lantom gave a nod and stood. "If you ever want to discuss the… other troubles, Matthew can direct you my way. Although, I've found that for such things love is often a sweeter balm than the Church. Especially when one believes in one and not the other. I would encourage facing it, however. Guilt is a tricky thing. It weakens a person's constitution against… erring. … I'm glad to have met you, Ms. Bisho. Matthew, I imagine I'll be hearing from you soon. When you're ready."

As the priest's footfalls faded, gentle crunches of gravel and dried leaves, a bell sounded behind them and Matt winced. "It's still so loud…"

"I'm sorry, Matt. I didn't mean to…"

"Technically, you didn't say a word," he half-chuckled. "I suppose I should have known better than breaking such big news to you and then introducing you to someone new. Sometimes, I forget that it bleeds through for people other than me."

"I wouldn't have done it."

"Oh, I know. You were just… upset, like you said. Because you care."

She stared at her hands. One was completely wrapped in Matt's, covered but by no means harmless because of that. "Because I care. Caring apparently makes me dangerous."

He scoffed. "I don't think so. Father Lantom… didn't mean his warning that way. He was just phrasing it so you'd get the message without all the spiritual overtones. It was funny how careful he was about that. You must just emit 'atheist' from your very person."

"It's because you told him that. I… I never said that there's nothing besides us out there, Matt…" Tessa paused, looking over her shoulder at the nuns bustling through the chapel through the window. "I just don't think anyone on this planet knows a damned thing about it."

She could feel him focusing on her, trying to read the emotions she couldn't even understand. After a moment, he gently turned her chin to him. "I completely agree. You wanna go now?"

"Please. I… I would really like a cup of tea. It's… been a weird day."

"That it has."

And it was only going to get weirder.

The orphanage was a decent walk from a favorite café of Tessa's. They stopped there, Tessa had her bracing cup of tea, and let the normal world wash over her in a rare moment of daring socialness. The time miraculously passed by without Tessa having to overhear a single thing about her estranged friends estranging themselves even more. Lunch was in order soon, and they managed to turn their outing into a strange kind of day date, which was not unpleasant in itself. Feeling nostalgic, Matt walked Tessa to some other places from his childhood, mainly parks and libraries, and they allowed themselves to move past the encounter with his mother. They were even laughing by the time they made it back to Tessa's building.

"I can come up, help you finish cleaning if you want," Matt offered at the door. He was leaning close, playing with her hair. Tessa knew his game. "I think another tour of your room was in order… I think."

"I suppose you've earned that today, haven't you?" Tessa unlocked the door and backed inside. It was only three. They would have some time before they were interrupted.

"Yes. I think so. I've been helpful and I've shared so much with you."

"You were very open with me about a lot of things. And you were so patient about everything."

 "And supportive, don't forget supportive."

 "Mm. Very supportive. I do feel very close to you right now."

His smile barely allowed her to make it up that last flight of stairs. Tessa was a private person, but a little smooching on the welcome mat was in order every once in a while. Finding her keys while his hand crept under her coat was difficult, however. When she finally got the door open, they half tumbled inside. It seemed the cleaning would wait until after the bedroom tour.

 "Oh, good. You're home."

Tessa whipped around to the kitchen, feeling Matt jerk upright behind her. "Uh… Jess?"

In the middle of the apartment was a heap of the scraps Tessa and Matt had swept up and partially bagged earlier. In the middle of that heap sat Jess. She was holding a legitimate, old-style, Sherlock Holmes-esque magnifying glass. Her eye was bulbously huge through the lens as she inspected something.

"You can help me sort through this. Also, don't turn on the water… I may have done something to the plumbing. Oh, hi, Matt." She glanced back down at the metal in her hand and then quickly up again at the two of them. A scoff accompanied the ensuing eye roll. _"Hi,_ Matt. I don't know if this kind of work is up your alley, but you're more than welcome to stay. I'll be leaving soon. Just waiting on a call…"

 "I'll, uh… probably just be g--" He cleared his throat as Tessa yanked on his hand. "Yeah, okay… I'll stay. Every hand helps, right?"

 Jess continued smirking. "Sure. I’m looking for a motherboard. Any metal pieces you find, put 'em in this pile."

 "New case, Jessica?"

 "Basically." She gave Tessa a significant but indecipherable look as the two of them sat down outside her pile of fun-fetti. "Didn't have room for it at the office."

"So… the furniture… the walls, all that? It's for this case?"

 "It's a thing I’m trying. You don't like the minimalist serial killer décor? It's all the rage these days."

 Tessa scoffed and put a piece of metal into the pile. "Seriously, Jess, the radiators? What’s happened to the radiators? It’s frigid in here. And the windows? You've boarded up the windows now. And what about all the pieces of shredded flowers and--"

 "Shut up for a second." Jess held up her hand and stood, putting in her other ear bud. She listened for a second, pacing a bit, and then grabbed Tessa by the arm. Tessa caught air as Jess nearly threw her across the room, hauling her towards the kitchen. For a brief second, Tessa was a little afraid. But only for a second. She shook her head slightly at Matt, now on his feet behind them.

“Serious question, Tess. Can you get me system access credentials for the 15th?”

Tessa just gawked at her for a second.

“I know. I know how this seems, but I need them. To… to find someone. The someone who’s been taking these pictures.”

Jess seemed genuine, and not crazy, just angry. Tessa considered her quietly for another beat, before walking to the kitchen counter. She found an officer on patrol nearby and picked up their ID and password easily. Credentials written down, she handed them over. “You okay, Jess?”

“I will be soon.” She left without looking back, not another word uttered.

Tessa watched her leave, completely baffled.

"It was a police scanner she was listening to," Matt offered eventually. "If that means anything."

"Not… not really. I now live in an apartment with no furniture, photos of my roommate for wallpaper, a potpourri of random shredded belongings all over the floor, and no running water or heat. Add to that, I may now be an accessory to electronic fraud, or something, since my roommate is hacking the police database… And no real explanation for all this. None of this means anything… it doesn’t add up. "

“She wasn’t lying, either. Whatever she’s doing, she’s doing it to find her… stalker.”

“Okay… but what is she doing?”

"No clue. You could always follow her.”

“And give her a reason to turn this paranoid desperation on me? No, thank you.”

Matt shrugged, turning in a circle. “Well… I don’t know what to tell you. Bullet casings, flowers, beds, and hard drives all shredded on the floor... Jessica illegally accessing police files... all seems like nonsense. You’ll just have to wait to find out from her. In the meantime… the apartment _is_ empty."

She turned to Matt and blinked. After the rest of the day, that conclusion seemed glaringly sensible, if a little out of step with the situation. Time to just embrace the weirdness. "Alright. Allow me to better introduce you to my room. There’s no bed, but I can show you my underwear drawer."


	9. Big Night

"Oh, yeah. I've got an aunt out there, said Cap came back during the night and cleaned the place up. They caught him on security tapes _cleaning up_."

"Aw… Why would anyone want to fight with him? I swear… Uh, which one did you want me to list as the primary again?"

"For the forms, let's go with alphabetical. Keep it uniform… Jeez, I need to write neater… You'd think it was Matt putting these entries in. Isn't there a program for this? We just… I dunno, put the number in or something?"

"I'm pretty sure that costs money, Foggy."

"Ah, yes. That damnable money. Takes money to make money. In this case literally. You think that says thirty-four or thirty-nine hours?"

Karen peered at the notepad and shrugged. "Looks like eighty-seven to me."

"Nah… that can't be right… We didn't spend eighty-seven hours in court… Did we?"

She laughed and shook her head. "I'd say ask Matt, but…"

Foggy glanced over his shoulder at his lazy-ass best friend stepping out and taking a personal call while they were working. "Yeah. He's occupado. Bum."

"It's Tessa," Karen sighed after a minute.

"Oh, no question, it's Tess. Is it a good call or a bad call, that's what I'm wondering."

"Why is she even calling? I mean, why doesn't she just blip in here? I'd just blip around, if I could…"

Foggy shook his head. "Nuh-uh, not me. It's freaky, trust me. Feels like your whole body's being put through a sieve and then mooshed back together… Not my jam, sister. None of it."

"Really?" He looked up to find Karen gawking at him, chin in her hand. "You wouldn't, you know, want superpowers?"

"God, no. No… too much responsibility. I'm happy just being the--" Foggy caught himself, redirected. "--the normal dude who helps with my brain… in a law specific way… Besides, nobody's got time to read the obituaries on the daily like Tess does. I don't need that superhero occupational hazard. I like my friends with their normal mortality rates."

She laughed, her musical laugh, but Foggy didn't notice that kind of thing anymore. On purpose.

"Well, I'd be happy to be a little something extra... secretly, you know, for… safety's sake…" Karen was looking through the window, definitely not thinking about safety. Foggy followed her gaze and then dropped his own with a tiny shake of his head. Things would never change.

"Oh, he's smiling… definitely good news," she said a moment later. "No one's been punched into the stratosphere."

Foggy had to get some other friends, less attractive ones… Maybe he could just spend some off time with his cousins now and again.

"They… I didn't know if they'd be good for each other to begin with, you know?" Karen needed other friends, too. "With the way they could be off and on? But… I guess I was wrong."

"Yeah," he scoffed. "The off just makes the on that much more on. That's how Matt rolls, though. Difference is, in Tess he's finally ended up with someone who operates the same way. Intensely. I thought this last time was going to be the end, I really did. Now, I just feel stupid for being so worried about them. Because… it's just… I'm not going to say _vomit_ - _inducing_ , but I do feel physically ill sometimes when I'm around them together."

"God, I'm glad that's not just me," she half-laughed, half-sighed. "I thought I was being catty."

"Oh, I'm definitely jealous. Don't get me wrong. But, I'm happy for him. For the most part. It'd be nice, though, if they were a bit more courteous about their glowing bliss around the rest of us miserable singletons. I'd certainly be less inclined to act like a resentful d-bag half the time."

"Tell me about it…"

"The worst part?"

"Hmm?"

This next bit… Foggy shouldn't have been thinking about it this way, much less telling Karen. "Oh, no. I can't say that… that's… no…" This wasn't his business to be sharing. He wasn't a gossip, not with Matt's secrets. What kind of best friend would he be if he told her that, just out of spite, just because Matt was happily on a call in his office while they were calculating how much money they wouldn't be making that month?  

"What, Foggy?"

But… then he made the mistake of looking up at Karen. She was making that face, the one where she was unabashedly herself. He couldn't say 'no' to her. Besides, by god, it felt good to commiserate. "You gotta act surprised if you ever find out, okay? But… they're still not _… you know_... copulating."

Big, blue eyes gazed at him for a second, then blinked. Her mouth dropped open. "Seriously?"

"Crazy, isn't it?"

She seemed to be having a hard time processing the news. She shook her head, her face switching through a few expressions before settling back on shocked and confused. "I thought--not that I, you know, think about that and them… um… I thought that by now… and the _way_ they are together. I just assumed it was a done deal, like, a _while_ ago. … So… nothing?"

"Oh, well… I wouldn't say that. I mean, there are things Matt's gotta go to confession for still, or that _would_ be unbelievable. Especially for him. Uh… but yeah, he's not doing his Hail Marys for straight up fornication."

 "Wow. Just… wow. So, they're… repulsively affectionate because they actually like each other, not because they're riding the sex high. That's some serious… yeah, that's… Man, I bet the tension between them is suffocating. I don't even want to be in the city when it happens." She ran her hand through her hair, shaking her head.

"Oh, I'm'a throw a party. I'll make a banner that'll say 'happy delayed gratification.' I'll pick up a cake and gag gifts. It'll be a thing. And finally, I'll be able to give them shit for it taking so long and Matt's going to have to be a good sport about it, because he'll have zero reasons not to be. It's gonna be a great day."

Karen sighed again. "He's _still_ smiling… I wonder what they're talking about."

"Knowing them, something weird. But, if we're lucky, maybe I'll be picking up that cake sooner than I--"

"Oh! Oh, shit! He's coming back in," she hissed, suddenly scattering papers everywhere, not remembering she didn't need to _look_ busy. "Shush!"

Foggy just clicked his pen a few times and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, let's hurry and look busy. Not like we're wasting our time on personal stuff or anything," he mumbled, but Karen didn't hear him. She was mooning over his shoulder at Matt who was still on his freaking phone. He just had to bring that happy relationship crap back in here with him. Deep breath. Foggy was not that kind of friend. He was supportive, excited for him even. And… smile.

"…okay… yes, of course. Bye, Tessa. …" Matt's grin flagged slightly as he paused in the doorway. "Did I interrupt something?"

"No, no… not at all. What was that? All that smiling?"

Grin tugged back into place. Lucky bastard. "Oh, Tessa. … She's, uh, she's excited about our plans this evening…" _Lucky_ bastard. "…and she thinks she knows what Jessica did to the plumbing finally."

Karen's eyes found Foggy as they waited for an explanation. Matt didn't seem like he was planning on providing one on his own. Foggy would bite. "Um… What did Jess do to their plumbing, Matt?"

"Huh? Oh, uh, she stuffed it full of cornstarch. Stopped it right up." So distracted. Smiling at his own private world. Ass. No. Good for him. Lucky bastard.

"Uh… why? Why would she do that?"

Matt laughed, shrugging towards Karen. "We have no idea. She's pretty sure Jessica's become paranoid from her current case. That and the lack of furniture or radiators had made the apartment basically uninhabitable."

"Weird…"

"Yeah," he chuckled, feeling at his watch. "That's the word for it. Well, I have to stop by the clerk's office before it closes, so--oh, and also, it's Tessa's birthday this weekend. _Please_ , leave your calendars open. I want her to have her first party. Yeah. Okay… Are you two set here? Or…"

"Yeah, we're fine, Matt," Foggy smirked and started stacking paperwork. "Enjoy your plans. This is what? Six months tonight?"

Karen jerked just a little across the table, like she'd been shocked. Matt didn't seem to notice for once. He'd paused in the door and dipped his head. "Yep… Uh… I'll talk to you two in the morning."

"I hope you get lucky, buddy!" Foggy called out after him as he darted out.

"You planning that party in your head right now?"

"Oh, yeah. Screw the billables, let's go order a cake. Hey, speaking of, that cupcake truck's over on 38th today. I'm feeling a mighty need for a butterscotch bouquet. Let's stop there first, I'm buying. Savings accounts are just a sign of sadness, right?"

 

Plans. Ha. Making plans was just inviting the universe to shit on your evening.

Maybe not the universe. Maybe the festering underworld of Hell's Kitchen. Goddamned superheroes advertising they were on sabbatical (and then spending their time planning how best to beat the hell out of each other, making her worry all the time). Might as well have put out an 'open for business' sign over every urban skyline. The last few months had seen it go from bad to worse. Matt was basically out there putting a fresh bandaid over an amputated limb every night. They weren't scared anymore. The ones he got a hold of were, eventually. But the others? They were everywhere and in numbers. And they were pushing the limits.

So, yeah. Tessa had known better than to expect a night in. That's why she wasn't disappointed.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry." Matt kissed her again, a little off target as he pulled on his pants. "You had plans. I wanted to do the plans. I… but… I… They're in my backyard, dealing this shit. In my backyard. I… I can't…"

Tessa watched from the bathroom counter as he shoved on his boots. She nodded, kicking her heels against the cabinets. "No, I get it. It's anarchy out there at night these days. Can't give 'em an inch, or they'll take a mile. I get it."

"I'm sorry still, Tessa. … With… with Fisk put away I thought… I thought for sure things would get better." Watching him put _on_ the Daredevil suit was much less exciting than watching him take it off. Also involved a lot more maneuvering than Tessa had expected. "He's got people still out here. He must. They're getting organized. It's _not_ anarchy and that's the problem. I need to find those people, his underbosses, and tear it apart. And now… with this drug. It's too much."

A thought had occurred to Tessa. She set it on the backburner and helped him with his fastenings. "I get it. Really. I'd never expect you to choose a date night over your mission in life, Murdock. I'm not stupid. So stop apologizing… I get it."

"I'll be back soon and we'll pick up where we left off, yeah?" The full get up, though? It really did have a stunning effect. Inspiring even.

Tessa stopped biting her lip and addressed that idea. "Okay. Sure. … Okay, but… but… I'm coming with you. A little team-up, like old times. What d'you think about that?"

Matt popped his clubs into place and turned back to her. "Are you sure? Is that a good idea?" He did a not so great job of keeping the excitement from his voice.

"I'm not on anybody's radar anymore, bounty or otherwise. I mean, I can only help, right? Instead of you running around pounding these guys faces in for information, we can save some time with me just sneaking it out of their heads. We find out about the organization and they're no wiser. They just think you're getting their little fish off the streets, while we're really sniffing out their big cheeses. I mean, Matt, this is obvious, right? You've been out there nonstop, working tirelessly these past weeks and for what? They're just sending cannon fodder your way, replacing 'em as quick as you put them out of commission. They're expendable, a waste of your time. _Unless_ we can get something from them that you can't beat out of them, maybe something they don't even consciously know is significant…"

Tessa hopped down and began pulling her suit on as well. "And besides… I'm tired of hiding out and doing nothing but acting after the fact. I hate watching this city eat itself alive knowing I could help under the right circumstances. Help more than I harm? Your priest said it. I'm in the sweet spot now… I can help without exposing myself to becoming harmful. I say I do it. I wanna be proactive again."

Matt kissed her again, fingers insistent against her second skin. He liked her idea. "Just seal that suit up tight. I can only handle Mnemosyne right now."

"Got it. Girlfriend-mode disengaged."

It took all of eight seconds to find their first targets. But the kids on the corners, pushing a spoon around a stale cup of coffee in the diners, they didn't know jack squat. It took a good shake of their shoulders from Matt in that get up, maybe a stern 'change your life,' and they were bolting home.

"At least they won't be bringing money into the organization tonight…" Tessa mumbled, appearing at Matt's side as another hauled ass into the light of the streets.

"Yeah. Whatever organization that is. You didn't get anything off of him, did you?"

"Nada. He reports to the night cook in the diner we shook up earlier. Walt. I think they've got power back now, if you wanna go check."

Matt listened for a moment, then sighed. "You can black it out in there again? I think I smelled a gun stash, too."

"Sure. Easy as pie." Circuit breakers were, after all, just a switch. This time, though, they might be a little harder to turn back on, Tessa thought as she stood away from the box spitting out sparks. Hopefully, the owner had insurance. She heard Matt's telltale bone-cracking entrance and phased back to the front. The innocent people always ran out first, they didn't have anything to hide. She sifted through their memories, though, just in case. One guy had seen someone stealing from the cash register and hadn't said anything, but that was it.

No one noticed her, she blended in with the gloom of the night. The eye for the organization didn't even see her. He ran right into her as he darted out of the building, cash box in his arms.

"You," Tessa muttered, stepping out of the way of the box swinging at her face. "Now, you Jimmy, you might be useful. What've you been watching, huh? Who're you watching for?" She phased her way out of another wild swipe and grabbed him by the ear. "Come with me, young man."

He flailed, but she had a good hold and that was all she needed to phase him away. He was less inclined to try to run away on top of a water tower.

"Hundred foot drop. Pretty far, huh?" Tessa danced along the ten inch ledge they were perched on. "So, you gonna sit still, or are you gonna make me hurt you?"

"I--I--I can't see you."

"Don't need to. Hell, you won't even remember this, so no worries." Her fingers rested on his forehead and he squirmed. "Uh-uh-uh. No Jimmy pudding tonight, okay, boy-o? Be still. This'll only take a moment."

Tessa could do a lot from a distance. She could do anything from a distance, but hands down, her powers were quickest and most accurate and effective via touch. In an instant they were back in front of the diner and Jimmy was blinking. He took off in a second, holding onto that cash box for dear life.

"There, we're done. And you don't even remember. Oof. You'll remember that." Tessa winced as Matt's baton sent Jimmy skidding chin-first along the sidewalk. "Nice kid, bad choices."

"He'll be fine. Eventually," Matt grumbled, wrenching the cash box away from him. "What'd he know?"

"He's the eye for some shady man, wears nice suits. Tall and slim. Jimmy doesn't know his name. Jimmy just watches and sends texts in, sometimes reports in person. Meeting spot comes via text. Always a nice restaurant or club. And the shady guy? Never touches a thing. Not even the cash. He'll be clean if we find him."

"It's a start. What's in Jimmy's box?"

"Cash. It's weird… there's a disjunction between him being here and his life. He's going to school. Wants to be a doctor."

Matt growled, leaned over, and grabbed Jimmy by the collar. He was just coming back to. "Go home. Become a doctor. Make more choices like that!"

Tessa shook her head as she watched Jimmy scramble off. "I thought we were making this low key? Oh well, need me to go inside?"

"No. It's just Walt, who 'don't know nothin’!,' strung up by his belt to the back door. It'll break in a few minutes, he's not a small man. He'll have some stuff to clean up, but the gun stash was moved since I was here last as was any other money or drugs he had. You can check, if you want."

"Yeah… he really don't know nothin'," Tessa said, after feeling around. "And who are the others, the… unconscious ones that I can't read from here?"

"Muscle. They were on guard against me." Matt grinned. "They failed."

"Yes, they did. Well… they were waiting on an exchange, or Walt was--"

"Walt didn't tell me that… can't believe I missed that…"

"Walt forgot. That seems to have slipped his mind, right around the time he lost bladder control. It's… a double blind these guys are running. Independent contractors for each stage, that's why you're having such a hard time. Can't pin anything back on your organization on accident if you really don't know nothin'. Ugh… There's a text message sound they all use. It's…" Tessa whistled a five note melody. "Walt was waiting to hear that. Then he was going to serve them a plate of food with a key in it. Key goes to…"

Matt was swinging the key around his finger. "Key goes to the safe. The safe that's missing."

"Oh. Huh. Well, Walt doesn't know the guys who took it. They must've come in the back."

"That's what he told me."

"Well… I guess that means I go up and reach out around the block. I'll feel the pickup squad when they come into range."

"Yeah… You do that…" His head was turned, he'd picked something else up. "I'll be down the street--"

"Doing what you do. Got it. You'll know when they're here."

Tessa sat on that damned roof for twenty minutes and got nothing. Matt found her sitting there, throwing pieces of gravel over the edge.

"Man, am I good at this," she grumbled.

"You are. They're just wising up on us. Irritating."

"I guess… I'm going to reach out farther. Maybe they're… taking the long way or something."

"Or maybe Walt was misinformed. It's quiet, Nem… maybe this is a sign we let it go for the rest of the night."

Tessa spun around on her ledge, smile creeping over her face. "You mean it, Knievel? You wanna cut class and make out in the bleacher-- Shit. I found them."

They were taking their sweet time. One of them had even stopped to pick up a burger. It was a wonder the underworld was running as smoothly as it had been with dipshits like these greasing its cogs. Tessa manifested the two of them on top of a school and they waited for them to stop bickering about sport teams and step into an alley.

"Oh fuck. They're not just taking their time, they're taking the scenic route. Sorry, they're turning down the south--"

"It's fine. I'll make it." Matt had already backed up all the way to the other end of the roof.

"Oh, don't you even. That's an impossible jump. You'll--" Tessa whipped back around to the street as she heard shouts. "You'll…"

"What in the hell?" Matt stopped beside her and crouched down, both of them entranced with the action below.

The four late and lazy runners had turned down their off-route alley and promptly been ambushed--and this was the really strange part--by one guy in legitimate pajamas. They looked all silky and everything. Now, a guy in pajamas beating people up...? Not that weird, right? To Tessa, definitely not. It was the glowing hand she couldn't quite understand.

"Oh, holy fuck!" She gasped as pajama man punched one guy clear across the street. Just decimated this dude with a single hit. Tessa turned to Matt who was stock still, probably in some kind of shock. The only thing that came to her head was tongue in cheek. "I think someone is trying to outdo your combat pajama look… and he punches harder than you do."

"I… I…" He took a deep breath and laughed a little. "You gonna leave me for him?"

"I'm thinking about it… Man, he just obliterated those guys. I'm gonna have to get down there to read anything off of them. I can't feel a thing from up… here… Jess?" Tessa stood, spinning around to where she could swear she'd just felt 'peanut butter donuts' and then a scatter shot of Alias Investigations' office. "What in the actual fuck?"

"What is--"

Tessa was already gone before he could finish his question. She wouldn't have normally left Matt there, but this was Jess out in the open in the middle of night doing god knows what. After the whole hacking the police and not showing up at home again, Tessa had to investigate. Plus, Matt could find her. Eventually. Tessa had to find out what reaches of weird Jess had arrived at now. Maybe this time, she would actually find something real out. Not just cornstarch.

Sure enough, it was Jess she had felt. There she was at one fifteen on a Wednesday morning, just… chilling out in a back alley in the outskirts of Midtown. Not alone… No Jess definitely wasn't alone tonight. Tessa dropped down onto the roof, nearly belly down, and peeked over the edge. Jess was making a fuss. There was no stealthy stake-out happening, that was for sure. In fact, she was shouting loudly enough that Tessa could make out most of the words. She had no idea what had started the argument, but Tessa now knew that Jess was not happy with the very large man strangling the life out of a much smaller man. For reasons. Those were Jess's exact words: don't choke him, you hothead! We need him conscious… for reasons!

As eloquent as always. Jess looked… different. That was the word Tessa was going to use. She definitely needed to brush her hair and… probably shower. And the guy she was with… was… also different. He was possibly the biggest man Tessa had ever seen in her life. Also, his shirt was ripped to shreds, possibly knives or bullets. And yet, he was unbloodied. Tessa was getting a weird vibe off of him. Actually, all his memories felt like she was experiencing them from inside a fish bowl. The guy he was holding up in midair, though, Tessa knew him. He was a regular out here.

"Good God," Matt whispered from a few feet to Tessa's left. She knew he'd find her. "What is happening tonight?"

"You're not alone in this anymore, Knievel. You finally have some help." She patted his knee as he knelt beside her. "And Jess is… adding to her weird list."

Below them, there had still been some colorfully worded yelling. Jess did all of it. Her gigantic companion murmured his responses. That was until the guy in his hand started struggling harder. He'd spotted Matt. That silhouette scared him even more somehow. When both Jess and gigantor turned to see what was sending this already nearly choked out fool into a panic, Tessa dropped full on onto her stomach.

"Need any help with Turk down there, guys?"

"Don't talk to them," Tessa hissed and hit his boot. "I was spying."

"No, man, we got it. I was just about to wring some information from his useless self."

"Oh, great. It's the guy who wears a devil costume.” Jess sounded nine milliseconds away from being fed up with everything. "Hey! There isn't someone in a starry night outfit up there with you, is there?"

"I… don't see one…"

Tessa hit his boot again. So clever.

"Huh. Guess I was mistaken. We've, uh, we've got this. You can go."

That was it. She was being sketchy as hell, avoiding Tessa and sneaking around at night collaring lowlifes like Turk. Time for a confrontation. She phased down into the alley and leaned against the wall behind them.

"So, _this_ is the mystery man."

The whole party jumped at the sound of her behind them. Jess nearly hit the street light above her. "Oh, fuck."

"Nah-uh. Aw… man, she the one with the Jedi mind touch. Uh-uh." Turk was flailing. Tessa had picked his brain a few too many times, probably. Traumatized him. Up on the roof Matt was chuckling.

"Man, shut the hell up and be still. Damn." Jess's big friend turned to her and gave her the look. The 'this is all on you' look.

Jess let out an epic sigh. "Yeah… fine… I guess I have some explaining to do."

"You sure do. First, though, I gotta ask: either of you affiliated with the pajama ninja two blocks west of here?"

They exchanged a look. It was him who answered. "What kind of pajama ninja are we talking about?"

"Likes dragons. Punches like a 747."

Jess rolled her eyes, head dropping back. He nodded. "Yeah, yeah I know him."

"Well, we can get to th--" Heavy artillery fire interrupted her. About fifteen rapid shots, they all jumped again, but it was Matt who took off. "Don't worry about that. He's got it. Back to your explaining, ma'am. Oh, and Turk? Why don't you and that selective memory of yours hibernate for a bit?"

She popped in front of him and tapped his forehead. Immediately, his jaw went slack, his eyes wide.

"There. He won't try to run for about fifteen minutes. You can stop airlifting him, big sexy."

"Uh… Tessa…"

"I'm guessing you're Luke, right?"

He glanced over his shoulder at Jess. She threw her hands up in the air, exasperated.

"That'd be me." He shook Tessa's hand, actually more engulfed it, and she had her suspicions confirmed. "Luke Cage."

"And… you're special… like us… which is why Jess kept you secret."

He laughed. It was a big sound, filled the alleyway. "Nah, I think that was just her being shitty 'cause she thinks I'm a pain in the ass."

"Well, are you a pain in the ass, Mr. Cage?"

"Uh, yeah. Yes, I am. And you're just as hard to keep stuff from as Jess thought. Wha'd'ya do to this ass-clown?"

"Turk? Gave him a break from all those troublesome memories, making him panic and giving him stupid ideas. He'll be fine in a little while. He does know where the meeting is happening, by the way. It's in the Russians old blown out headquarters."

He gave Tessa a million dollar smile and then turned to book it. "Shut it, Jess! I got this!"

"But-- ah, damn it." He was gone and Jess was spinning on the spot, hands in her hair.

"He's just… stunning. Also, extremely mysterious. I'm _dying_ to hear the story behind him, behind all this. Just you and me now, Jess."

"Isn't this your… big night with lawyer boy? Shouldn't you be going down on him right about now?" Her arms were crossed, eyes down.

Tessa sighed and closed the distance between them. "I get that you're mad that I found out, but… come on, Jess! It was getting crazy, your little shit show."

"And what're you even doing out with Daredevil? Didn't you and Matt have a big fight about superheroes or something?"

"He knows what I'm doing and he's okay with it. We can get back to that later. Right now, I'm really stuck on the whole WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH YOU LATELY issue. It's like… it's like you went to Deadpool's secret school for crazy and graduated overnight. And, I mean, even he has a logic behind what he does, even if it makes zero sense to the rest of us! I hope you do, too…"

"Since when do you call him Deadpool?"

"Since… since Matt doesn't like me being on a first name basis with him… I guess. But again! Off topic! What was with the cornstarch? The furniture? Our beds being put through a wood chipper?! And the radiators! What the frick, Jess?"

"UGH! I wish you could just… forget about all that and move on! But… you can't… can you, chica?" Jess heaved a heavy sigh and wrapped her arms around her middle, like she was suddenly cold. "You can't… and I can't either… I--It all makes sense, I promise. It all… it all goes together. I'm not crazy, at least, not Deadpool's kind of crazy."

Now they were getting somewhere. Tessa took her hands off her hips and sidled up to Jess. Enough with the interrogation, on to the comfort. She looked at Turk and decided he'd be fine for a little while longer there in his own. She phased them up off the streets.

"Okay, Jess. Hit me with it."

"There… there is a guy in town, back from my past. You know, the past I was trying to get away from? Well, he found me and he's been pulling my strings off and on. Yanking my chain, the works. He, uh… he can get inside my head."

"Literally?"

"Uh… not literally but the closest thing to it. He's not a telepath, he's more like Jessica Drew. It's a brain chemical thing, or something… Basically, he can convince anyone he's around to do what he tells them."

Tessa felt like her eyes were going to bug out of her head. This was a literal nightmare scenario for her. "And he's here?"

Jess nodded. "He's been here for a few months, quietly making my life a living hell, operating under the radar. Mostly because he can convince people to not bother with noticing him and the rest are under his control. People have been stalking me for him, taking pictures. And it could be anyone under his thumb… For a while, I thought you were. I thought you were taking pictures of me. That’s why I… pushed you away, destroyed the apartment. I didn’t think I could trust you. Or anyone. He got to Luke. Luke tried to kill me, or he made Luke try to kill me. I… traded for his freedom and since then Luke's been… helping me keep it together. But, yeah. That's why I've been not around so much and… you know, not exactly myself."

"Oh… Jess I'm such an ass." Tessa threw her arms around Jess's shoulders. "I'm so sorry. If I had known…"

"You would have known… and now he'll know… eventually. I was trying to avoid this exact situation. Luke can help because he's part of his agreement. I don’t trust him when it comes to much of anything, but… he tends to keep his arrangements. It’s part of his psychological torture, making it some sick chess game. But, he doesn’t know about you, you’re not a part of any of the rules… I'm afraid of what he would do when he found out about you, what he would do with you, Tessa. And that’s beyond just what he would do _to_ you… It was horrible when he had his claws in me and I'm just a burnt out, failed super hero. I've got the basics, a bit of flight, some super strength, and a touch of invulnerability. I'm… I'm a c-lister, but with your powers… the things he would do to people…" She shuddered.

There was zero question about what Tessa had to do next. She didn't even hesitate over the morality of it. If Father Lantom had bestowed any amount of wisdom on her it was the value of weighing outcomes. This one was a guaranteed positive. "Jess… what if you didn't have to worry?"

She nodded her head immediately. "That was what I was going to suggest next. And catch Luke as you leave, so he understands."

"Jess? Who is _he_?"

Her head jerked up and, for the first time ever, Jessica Jones looked vulnerable. "Kilgrave. But you'll stay away from him, right? Otherwise…"

"Not even a peek, Jess. I'm… I know my boundaries. I just want to tell my punchy friend with the horns about him, maybe send an FYI to the tattered remains of the Avengers' facility—“

“No, Tess! Don’t. No one else.”

“Okay. Okay. I was just trying to give my _non-C-lister_ best friend a leg up as she takes care of this fuckhead. But never mind. 'Cause I know you will do it on your own, eventually. For now, though…" she phased them back down beside Turk and then gave Jess another hug. "Why don't you just forget about all this?"

Tessa was sweating heavily when she appeared back up on the roof, but her wipe appeared to have worked. Jess was grabbing the now scrambling Turk by the ankle and shouting about Luke not needing to come back to deck him again, how she'd do it herself. Poor Jess. She wanted to find this Kilgrave and give him a taste of his own medicine, of not having control over his mind, but she'd made Jess a promise for good reason. She'd leave it alone and she wouldn't peek.

Her next stop was her last. Luckily, Matt and Luke happened to be in the same place, with the pajama ninja. She popped up, nearly gave the two of them heart attacks and memory froze all the rest with their stupid guns out of bullets. She was in a bit of a frenzy from the Jess encounter, so the mass pause was easier than it should have been. Matt gave her some space as she headed straight for Luke.

"Hey, big man. A word."

Past Luke she could see Matt listening in as the pajama ninja inspected the drooling lackies. "So… Jess doesn't remember our conversation, okay? We decided it was for the best, together. So…"

"I got you. Not a word. He was scared while the big kids were ruling the playground, but now he thinks he's got some immunity to consequences. No reason to give him an actual one."

"Exactly. So. I don't know you. You don't know me. Officially.” She shook his hand, erasing the appropriate memories with little effort. “So why don't you introduce yourself to me and my red leather buddy. No euphemism, I mean Daredevil."

Luke snorted as they walked back to the awkwardly not speaking pair. "You're Jess’s friend, right? She didn’t tell me you were funny."

"Yeah, you'll like me a lot when we finally officially meet. So. You are…"

"I just… go by my name. Luke Cage. Your friend is Daredevil… cute name. You go by… Starry Night?"

"Ha. No. The entity I host is called Mnemosyne, so… yeah. I use that name."

"Whoa. Heavy." When Cage crossed his arms, Tessa worried his already shredded shirt would just pop full off. "Well, alright. I'll have to practice saying that."

"Yup…" Tessa turned to the pajama ninja last. "That just leaves you--hold on, tiger. I'm not shaking your magic hand. And don't even tell me your name. You'll always be pajama ninja to me. The two of you, you'll be big man and pajama ninja. Done and done."

"O…okay…" He dropped his hand and looked at Luke.

"Great. Nice meeting you. Look forward to the inevitable team-up as we crack down on crime in this town. Yadda yadda yadda. These dipshits will be back to their charming selves in about ten minutes. Should give you two enough time to ship 'em off to jail. Thank you for your assistance, etc. etc.. You ready, Knievel? Goodnight, gents." Tessa looped her arm around Matt's waist and then phased them out of sight. From on top of the nearest building they could watch/listen as Luke and pajama ninja variously secured the baddies for arrest.

"That… that was a lot of information at once," pajama ninja was saying. "You know her?"

"Jess does."

"I've heard of DD, obviously, but… never her."

"Probably because she makes it a point not to be heard about."

"They… they were nice though…"

"Danny, man. We're not going to be making friends doing this. We were lucky they didn't see us as threats, or we'd be drooling like these weasels. Just… keep this to yourself."

"I got it, Luke. I'm not a complete idiot. But, hey, team-up could be cool."

"Yeah… cool, man. Cool," Luke scoffed. "Get your star struck ass over here and help me carry these fuckers to the curb. I'm just glad we're not alone in this, that's all."

"That's exactly what I meant. We've got backup if we need it. Magic brain back up."

"Man, Mnemosyne ain't about your brain. She's memory. You know, mnemonic devices? Shit that helps you remember? Starry Night controls memory. Don't you know anything?"

"I know that those two are together."

" _Move on_ , man. She didn't even have eyelashes visible to bat at you!"

"But she understands the immense responsibility of embodying a force like--"

"I don't even know how to talk to your dumb ass. You're like an out of control train."

Tessa tugged on Matt's hand. "Uh… I think we know they're doing the right thing. We--we can go now, Knievel." Tessa felt like she’d walked in on a conversation she definitely wasn’t supposed to hear. She was pretty sure she was blushing, as in, Matt could feel her skin radiating heat. Time to get the hell out of that situation. "At… at least this gives us the opportunity to start… start celebrating earlier…"

He let her phase them back to his apartment but Matt was in what Tessa had come to think of as his ominous silence stage. It was worse than when he was angry because she couldn't always get through to him. She was pretty sure by this point that it was something that he was constantly battling, his depression. Tessa turned the light on in his bathroom and pretended to wash her face as he took off the suit. He got stuck after the helmet, sat on the edge of his tub and just held it in his hands. This wasn't about her. This was about them, the others.

She knelt down beside him and stroked the hair from his forehead. "They're good guys, Matt. It'll be fine. Doing the vigilante thing, just like you… You heard them, they'll help you pick up the slack."

"No… No, that's… that's great." He nodded, voice barely audible. "It's all great."

"You don't sound like you think it's great…"

"I'm… processing. I have to… figure out how this'll work. I'm… I'm…"

"Worried?"

The helmet spun in his hands a few times before he set it down and began stripping off the rest. "Obsolete. I'm obsolete now. In the least I'm outclassed and out of my league, which I should be glad about. Less responsibility. Less pressure. Less--"

"Matt. Matt, stop. What are you talking about?"

"They're both…" He managed to get off the shirt portion. He weighed it in his hands for a second and then dropped it on the floor. "Enhanced. They're both enhanced. Humans can't punch like that and… well, Cage just felt different. I'm just a blind guy with some sticks." Sticks which he then kicked across the bathroom floor.

Tessa watched them skid and decided now was not the time to tease him for having a temper tantrum. "First, Matt… they're new at this. Even if they did… put you out of business, or whatever-- which I don't think they will and I'll get back to in a minute. If they did take your place, it would only be after a while, once they mastered the process. You were there while they cleaned up. It took forever."

"That was--"

"I'm not finished. And second, you're a blind, insanely acrobatic parkour master with the power of superhuman obstinacy and some sticks. Which you can use better than most people can use their hands. Oh, and don't forget that you experience more of this world than anyone I've ever known of. That alone gives you a big leg up, so… don't write yourself off, Matt Murdock. I'm pretty sure you'd kick both their asses…"

He gave a weak laugh and managed a smile as Tessa pulled his chin up.

"You know why? Because they couldn't catch you much less dodge your hardcore parkour. Okay? Doesn't matter how hard they hit if they can't get a punch in…"

This time it was a real chuckle. He caught her hair between his fingers. "You're not going to leave me for him?" Teasing. Teasing was a good sign.

"Pssh. No. His tushy pales in comparison, plus that glowing hand shit freaks me out. No way he can do what you do with such finesse with all that going on. And you know what? Feels like cheating. Much less impressive to be a magic ninja than a blind ninja."

"Now you're just sweet talking me because you're feeling feisty."

"Well, you are shirtless, but it's only half the reason. … Is it working?"

"…Yes."

"Good, because a pajama ninja and Jess's boyfriend are not ruining my big night with _my_ pajama ninja boyfriend."

… … …

It was so late and he was so tired. Felt like his eyes were going to be sucked into his skull. Everything he'd just watched hadn't helped that any. She appeared out of nowhere, like usual, like she just materialized from the shadows. He pulled out a low level EMP arrow and discharged it. No bugs tonight.

"You know? You remember?"

"I do."

"Did you see what I saw tonight?"

"Saw and heard. I will be investigating this Kilgrave when I have the time."

"It… it's good to see you Natasha, even considering the circumstances."

She sighed, "the feeling is mutual. Things have to stay this way, though. The situation demands it." She sounded as tired as Clint felt.

"And… she's out in the open again… what does all this mean? For… for the situation?"

"I don't know either," Natasha shook her head. "I know less and less these days. It is infuriating."

"What about… him?"

She shook her head again. "He hasn't made any moves on it… not that I can tell…"

Clint felt himself pulling at his ear. He just let it happen. "Jesus… what are we gonna do now? She's exactly… exactly…"

"The catalyst we want to keep out of this mix? Yes… I know…"


	10. Surprise, Surprise

Matt stopped in front of the door. It was a mild night, so he didn't feel bad making Karen and Foggy wait outside as he briefed them.

"Okay… you... never know how Jessica is going to be these days, but, either way, I'm grateful she offered to host this. So, let's… just try to not be judgmental. I honestly can't even warn you about what you might find in there. And… Foggy… thank God you got a cake."

"I got it for something else, but, hey, this works!"

"You-- what?"

"Nothing! Yay cake!"

Matt decided to let that one lie. He'd give Foggy shit about it later. "Alright. Here we go."

Inside it was… alarmingly normal. Matt couldn't sense a thing out of place. Sadly, that put him more on edge than Jessica pulling her hair out in a corner would have. After what Tessa had told him, it seemed like a miracle, perhaps one too good to be true. All the same, he smiled and stepped through the door like nothing was wrong.

"Thanks again, Jessica, for offering to host this. Is there… is there someplace to chill the champagne?"

"Yeah, the fridge. I'll take it." Now the refrigerator was working again. That was… good. "I’ll take any socially acceptable opportunity to get shit-faced. Uh… She should be here any minute. Texted me saying she was stopping by the store and then coming home to pout."

"Matt, that was pretty cruel, acting like you didn't remember…" Karen was walking around the apartment, looking for the weirdness he'd warned them of, no doubt.

"She'll appreciate it when she gets here."

They only had to wait a few moments before Tessa appeared in the middle of them, holding a bottle of wine and a carton of ice cream. "Jess, I know I didn't tell anyone but-- Oh. Aw... hey, guys… you remembered… this is so sweet. And Jess! You even brought the furniture inside!"

"Can't have a party on the floor… I mean, you could but that'd be a whole different kind of party."

"You're a dirty liar," Tessa mumbled, edging up to Matt and kissing him on the cheek. "Yay! I'm so happy to see you all… I don't know what you're going to do now that you're here, but… yay!"

"Drink," Jessica said. "That’s what you do with other people, right? You drink alcohol. We've got tons now. It'll be perfect."

“And games,” Foggy added, cutting a cautious eye Jess’s way.

"Games… okay… games can could be fun."

About forty-five minutes later, they had definitely succeeded at the alcohol portion of the night. No problems there. They were still working out the kinks of the games portion, however. Focus had lagged after the first achievement. Admittedly, the success of the alcohol bit _may_ have been gumming up the works just a little.

"Well, we're uneven in number," Karen said, much more relaxed with two whiskey sours in her. "So, I'll be, like, game referee."

"Too bad your mystery man friend couldn't make it, Jess," Foggy said, dropping onto the couch beside Matt. "Then we'd be even."

"Christ, Tess. You tell everyone you know?"

"Hey, it was hot gossip… but no, only Matt… _possibly_ within earshot of Foggy and Karen."

"Definitely within earshot. We appreciated it."

"So, yeah... everyone you know..."

"Okay, okay! Everybody focus. Game referee talking here. Now, Jess, what kinda games do you have in mind?"

"I dunno. Mr. Boyfriend convened this gathering, not me. Besides, I won’t be staying." She stood, bringing with her a now empty bottle. “Got some stuff to take care of.”

She offered a weak, exhausted, and fleeting smile at Tessa. Tessa understood. Stuff. She patted her back as Jess gave her a quick hug. 

“Stay safe, chica.”

“You too,” Tessa mumbled back.

“Place is all yours. Don’t set anything on fire. Happy birthday.” Jess was out the door quickly, leaving everyone thoroughly confused.

Tessa tried to salvage the mood. "So, party games, huh? Uh… the only party game I've ever played was charades…"

"Charades it is!" Foggy barked. “We’ve got even teams now. Karen, you and me. Wouldn’t be fair for you and Tessa if Matt and I were on a team.” 

Matt shook his head. "This is going to be a disaster." Beside him, though, Tessa was basically bouncing with joy. So, maybe not a disaster at all.

"Hey! I don't want special preference. I wanna squash my opponents fair and square." She sounded so excited. This was perfect.

"Maybe we should play name that tune instead," Karen offered, through the end of her third drink.

Out of nowhere, Tessa shot to her feet. "OUR NEIGHBOR HAS CATCHPHRASE. IT'S BASICALLY DESCRIBED CHARADES! I'll go get it!"

Before she left, Tessa's fingers snaked through Matt's and squeezed. He was greeted by a flash of light and colors, everyone's faces, and the warm buzz of joy from Tessa. She could hardly contain herself. Matt had to smile. For once, _for once_ plans were going smoothly. 

"Well, now Karen and I will be able to say we beat you fair and square, Matty."

Tessa wiggled a little at Foggy's response. Matt had come to recognize this particular wiggle, it only meant one thing. Tessa was _very_ excited. As in, couldn't keep it to herself excited.

She picked her chin up off his shoulder and shouted, thankfully away from his face. "Yes! I’ll be right back!” And she was, almost instantaneously. For a moment, Matt wondered if she’d just borrowed the game without asking.

"Okay, Karen, sit over here with me. Matt over there, with Foggy. Foggy, you just whisper Matt’s word to him. I won’t cheat. Promise.” 

They could have been playing some invented game that consisted solely of sitting in the same room as four other people and Tessa would have been exactly this ecstatic. She'd never had a birthday party before, not a proper one with friends and happiness. She'd certainly never been surprised with friends and happiness. It was possibly the best case scenario she could have imagined for the day. And a lovely present from her new family. In reality, the game was a slow decent into madness as they ignored rules and drank heavily. Tessa possibly had even more fun because of that. She'd never seen Matt this boisterous and Jess, for as long as she had stuck around, had been back to herself. She had explained the whole thing to Tessa, kept her in the know. That night she was going to secure an old Hulk containment unit from a high-ranking friend. Kilgrave was being taken care of, Jess was being safe, and Tessa didn’t need to worry about any of that anymore. Jess may not have been at the party for long, but she’d helped organize it and that was more than enough.

Tessa was overjoyed. Add to all that Foggy's incredibly well-timed humor and Karen's giddy, drunken side comments and this was arguably the best night ever. Four friends. Four friends and a birthday party. Tessa didn't have words for it.

Obviously, the game was already a lost cause about a round in. Foggy was a hiccupping mess and, with Matt's uncontrollable fits of giggles and the fact that Karen could hardly keep her head up, they probably should have just given up. They didn't though. Tessa kept inexplicably winning and everyone else kept drinking. In fact, almost everyone was pretty sloshed by the third round. Everyone except Tessa, who couldn't get drunk. No, she could drink and drink and still be in complete control of all her faculties. She just keep destroying at Catchphrase, even with the huge disadvantage that was Matt’s good mood.

"Uh… it's… uh…--"

"On the--e clock, K!" Foggy hiccupped.

"You use it in the rain." Karen’s hand flailed uselessly over her head. "It opens. Keeps you dry."

"Umbrella!"

"Yes!" She pushed the game into Tessa's hands like it was going to burn her.

"That was it, Karen? A--a um--BRELLA?"

"Yes… shh."

"Okay, Matt. It's usually in a city. But they have greyhound ones for cross--"

Matt just fell into a fit of giggles, completely distracted by Foggy's over-gesticulated reaction. His good mood really just meant that he was comfortable enough to drink _ir_ responsibly. “Is it a dog?”

"No, uh, for cross-country trips. You get in them and--"

"Planes? Trains? Shoes?  _Running_ shoes!"

Karen jerked upright and started snorting. She'd had exactly seven whiskey sours. It was freaking incredible she was still conscious.

"No, listen. You ride them--"

"Horses?"

"Ohmygod. Matt! The category is transportation! They take you places when you don't have a car."

"Horses!"

"No… think: the wheels on the _blank_ go round and round."

"Oh, _bus_! Got it, Tessa." His words were slowing, but he'd gotten the clue finally. Tessa yelped and shoved the game into Foggy's hands, just as the timer sped into frantic beeps.

"Oh! Oh, shit! My… my mom hates them…"

"Your mom hates a lot of stuff, Foggy!" Karen half stood, waving Foggy on.

"Uh… yo--ou go in a circle--oh, damn!" The timer went off and Foggy fell backwards into the couch. "That is the si--ixth round in a row! I don't think Tessa's drinking e--enough."

"I can't get intoxicated, Fog," she practically cackled. "I'm just taking advantage of the fact that you all can. But… I think it's time to end the torture and put you two out of your misery. Besides, our fuel has run out."

Tessa pointed over to where Karen was holding the empty liquor bottle upside down, little droplets dripping the last of its dregs into her glass.

"Oh, damn. We--e’re out. I guess tha--at means fun’s o--over. I--I'll call a ca--ab," Foggy volunteered. "And… ride with he--her.” He nodded to Karen, now swaying on the couch. “I'm not wa--alking."

"Not hiccupping so hard you're leaving the ground with each one. I'll call for both of you." Tessa had a phone, was already dialing. "Yes, I'd like to order a cab…"

"You got any coffee?"

Tessa pointed to the cabinet and returned to waiting on hold. 

Matt had been careful to pace himself, Tessa had noticed that. All the same, as he made his way to the kitchen it looked like his world was on a waterbed. "I'm… whoa. I'm gonna make a pot, if that's okay."

"Good call, cowboy." Tessa caught his elbow as he ran into a chair. "Let's get everybody some coffee."

Matt broke into giggles again. "That chair jumped out in front of me. Ha. It… really hits you when you stand up." He let her ease him into a chair and shook his head hard.

"It's his equilibrium," Foggy failed to whisper, appearing beside Tessa as she hung up with the cab company. The smell of coffee was just starting to fill the apartment. "Gets… gets fucked up like ours, he'll be fine in… in a bit. Funny seeing him like that, though, innit?"

"I can still hear you, Foggy," Matt managed through his chuckles, his head resting on the back of the chair.

"It's still funny…" Foggy murmured and Matt fell into another fit.

Tessa shook her head and glanced over at the couch. Karen had finally keeled over. She looked alarmingly dead to the world.

"Did you check on her?" Tessa asked nodding that way. "Is she alright?"

"She's… out. She'll be fine, sleep it off."

"Are you going to be able to get her home?"

He flapped his hand about in what was probably supposed to be a wave. "I'm oddly strong when drinking." Behind him Matt snorted. "It's true. I get whiskey powered super strength. This adorable teddy bear physique? It's all a cover to… to… to avoid suspicion."

"Oh!" Tessa nodded along and grabbed every coffee cup there was in the apartment. "Well, if you want help getting her home… I do do that whole phasing thing."

"You said doo doo."

"Oh, yeah. Definitely coffee time," Tessa smiled and began passing the cups around. No sugar. No cream. Just straight up, bitter caffeine.

Matt somehow caught her hand after she handed him his cup. "I'm sorry you are stuck sobering up the rest of us on your birthday. That wasn't the plan."

"Oh, that's perfectly fine. I've had… just the _best_ night. Drink up."

"You're… coming back with me tonight, right?"

Tessa paused, turning back around. "I can. If you want me to." She had been hoping to ask him actually, before the extreme giggles had set in.

"Good. I left your gift there. On accident."

For some reason, Tessa didn't believe him. Cups passed around, Tessa sat down at the table, not on Matt's lap as one particular person suggested, and waited for the coffee to do its work. They chatted for about half an hour, at first about nonsensical stuff, but with cups empty and a few glasses of water in each of them, their brains started coming around to normal stuff. Karen even woke up when someone left a cup by her face.

"Aw, man, no. You know what I want right now? Bagels. So many bagels. Just tons of bagels. And cream cheese."

“You’re lucky Jess isn’t here. She’d have slapped you and insisted you meant donuts.” 

"No, I meant bagels."

"Foggy loves bagels," Matt helpfully explained.

"They were the worst part about quitting Landman and Zack!"

Matt turned and shrugged at Tessa. _"Really_ loves bagels."

"I can tell," she straightened his glasses and then looked down at her phone. "Oh, the cab is pulling up. Finally. You two good?"

"We'll be fine," Foggy said, hoisting Karen onto her feet. She wobbled but remained upright. "I wonder if he'll stop for bagels…"

Tessa put Matt's cane into his hands and then picked up her bag. "Okay. I need to text Jess, tell her I won’t be here tonight, and then we can go."

The response from Jess popped up immediately. ‘Enjoy your “gift”.’ 

Tessa managed to roll her eyes all the way through phasing into Matt's living room. "There is a real gift, right? Not just innuendo…"

"Of course. I wouldn't mislead you to get you alone in my apartment…" He smiled wickedly and backed towards his kitchen. "Not twice. … She's as bad as Foggy. That cake he had tonight? It was meant to be for… our sex party."

"Excuse me?"

Matt snickered. "Foggy's been planning to celebrate our… big event for a while now. He doesn't count… the rest as qualifying."

"Jess would probably agree… She said we were small-time, whatever that means, when I told her about that one time that was… my … you know."

_"That's_ when the party should have been."

"Oh, stop smiling. The self-satisfied look doesn't flatter you."

"I'm just happy for you."

Tessa took the glass of water from him. "Riiiight. So, what's my present?"

"A surprise."

"You know, I could just check for what you remember getting me."

"Then, you'd ruin the surprise… and break your own rules."

"I know…" she grumbled.

Matt chuckled and reached for his work bag. "Fine, I won't make you wait any longer." He pulled out a folder and handed it to her.

"Oh… you got me… paperwork. How sweet."

A begrudging smile. "Read it."

Tessa did, sinking into a chair as she flipped the pages. She couldn't believe it. What was written, bold in black and white in front of her was unbelievable. A few times she glanced up at Matt to see if he was kidding or something, but the grin had vanished. He was considering her with a quiet caution. She stared at his hands, splayed over the back of a chair, and tried to find the words to respond to this.

Eventually she managed a lame, summary statement. "So, he's still here."

"But his license has been revoked. The cause is unreported."

"How--how did you even get this? I've looked for him, admittedly half-heartedly. But I couldn't find him with my… brain or Jess's PI prowess."

"He changed his name… seems to have completely re-imagined a life for himself. You really would had to have searched to find his past in his mind, I imagine, and, like you said, you weren't trying that hard. I wouldn't have either, if I were you. But… I have some friends on the force--a friend-- and another who is very good at going through public records with a fine-toothed comb. You can have closure, finally. We can prosecute him for what he did. We can have Foggy bean him in the head with a softball, anything you want."

Tessa closed the folder on the face that had haunted her life for the past fifteen years. She didn't want to think about him anymore that night. "I believe a hug is in order, Murdock. … Thank you, Matt…" she sighed into his chest. "I… this is something that I've wanted for a long, long time."

"I know…" His words rustled her hair. "Hold on. I got you something else, too…" He pulled a little paper box out from behind the counter. "I didn't know Foggy was bringing the cake."

Tessa could smell the honey and spices before she opened it. "Oh, aren't you just the smoothest?"

His lips crooked up. "You liked it so much and I thought the memory of that night might be a fun one to relive with some slight revisions."

"Oh-ho-ho. You're a dirty, dirty, slick liar. But, I'm over it, because this is actually really thoughtfully put together… and the _baklava."_ Tessa swung away from him as she took the first bite. "Uh-uh. I don't think I'm sharing with you this time. Because you're smarmy."

"Smarmy?" He asked with a laugh.

"Yeah, unctuous. Glib. Buttering me up like this. Just what did you expect to happen tonight, Matthew Murdock?"

"I just wanted you to have a memorable birthday. And… maybe a little canoodling."

"It's a good word, isn't it? Canoodling?" She passed him the fork, hopping up to sit on the table. "You get a bite for that."

"Mm, good word. Good baklava." He set the fork back in her hand, reached instead to move the hair from her face. _"Did_ you have a memorable birthday?"

"The best. Ranked. Best party. Best gift. Best baklava. Best smooth operator orchestrating the whole thing… Just the best."

Tessa couldn't get drunk, and yet, here she was warm from the inside out, head a little lighter than it should be. She was happy, and not just fleetingly, not just on the surface. This was that unguarded joy that a few hard drinks could give you, when you felt indestructible and almost weightless, all the cares lifted by ignorant bliss and never expected to return. The light of the ad hitting Matt's glasses refracted and swam across her vision. Things were blurring, the apartment faded some but Matt's face clarified. Beer goggles used to feel a bit like this, Tessa reflected on that as she wiped the unexpected tear from her eye. Even tearless, to her, everything felt brighter around him. Maybe she could still get intoxicated.

Tessa took one last bite of her baklava and then set it aside. He had a plan for the evening? Perfect. So did she. 

She hadn't worn her mask at all that night. She'd wanted festivities to go unimpeded once she realized they were happening. Food and drink were much more enjoyable when not snuck through a two inch gap in invisible fabric. That fact made her plan all the more effortless. Matt tasted like honey. Straight up honey, from the baklava and the whiskey both. She slipped his glasses off while he recovered from her surprise. The belt was next.

His breathlessness was so rewarding when she reached for the buttons of his shirt. "You realize you'll be giving Jessica the joy of being completely and utterly correct if you keep going at this rate, right?" The concern behind his question just wasn't as convincing with his hands up her dress.

"I could not care less. It's time to wind up the program."

"Are--are you sure about this? I'm asking while I can still form complete sentences…"

Tessa laughed, yet another weight off her shoulders, one that had rested there for so long she'd almost forgotten about it. "Yeah. Actually, I've been planning it as a gift for myself for a few days."

"Well, if that's the case… Happy birthday, Tessa."

*** *** ***

*** *** ***

"One-eighty. Seventy-three. Twenty-six. Oof, two-fifty. Oh, I forgot the court costs sheet." Karen's chair screeched a little as she pushed away from the desk. "I'll--I'll be right back." She rushed into the reception area and then, pausing, darted towards the door.

Foggy's pencil stopped scratching and he sighed. "That's the third time today, Matt. We should just send her home. It's not like we can pay her for today, anyway." He shuffled through his notepad. "I mean, Christ, Matt… we really need to be paid at some point."

"These cases'll pay off eventually. One way or another."

"You keep saying that and we keep having to cut things, like this month… the coffee budget. Next month's wifi."

Matt turned over his page and continued reading on appeals procedure. "I mean… do we really need coffee?"

"Yes, Matt, we need coffee. We need coffee or we'll have no me. And we can all attest to that being a tragedy."

"A tragedy indeed," Matt sighed. "I could always ask Tessa to sniff us out a few, more lucrative defendants for civil cases in between these…"

"You mean rich ones?"

"Innocent ones," Matt grinned. "Who also happen to be able to pay."

"Ptthh." Foggy responded with a raspberry. He was less enthused by that prospect. After a moment of tapping his pencil he clicked his fingers. "Or… or maybe we could try a billboard or two… with… our magical no money. Oh! Never mind."

Matt offered a smile and kept reading. "The money will come, Foggy."

"That--that's it? That's your reaction to us not getting a paycheck this week, for the fifth week in a row?"

"We knew this would be slow going at the start." Foggy was still staring, waiting for a response. Matt heard his breathing change. "You want me to flip this table? Then we'd be out however much this table costs, too…"

"Hmm. So… how was the rest of your weekend? Eventful?"

"Stayed in… How was your hangover?"

"Debilitating. I threw up on the sidewalk outside my place, which is why I will never be eating cake again. So, that's it? Didn't do anything… interesting?"

Matt flipped over his page. "Didn't even leave my apartment." He almost pulled it off. He almost said it without smiling. 

"Yes," Foggy gasped and stood, knocking his chair into the wall. "YES. FINALLY. FINALLY! I'm getting donuts, because cake is ruined and Tess got the idea of them stuck in my head." He rushed from the room, only to barrel right back inside. "And you're telling me everything. EVERYTHING."

"I have no idea what you're talking about. And besides," Matt cleared his throat, "donuts cost money… magical no money, Foggy."

Karen had unfortunately heard the hubbub. She peeked her head in smelling freshly of toothpaste. "Talking about what?"

"Matt did it."

"Did… what?" There was a pause, during which Matt heard only the bouncing of Foggy's heels against the wood. "Oh, Jesus," she finally scoffed. "Really, it's about time, though…"

"Agreed!" Foggy smacked Matt hard enough on the back to make him lose his place on the page. "The cloud of sexual tension floating over this guy was insane!"

"You know that's untrue, Foggy. You're the one who gave arbitrary preference to… what you're referring to over... other things. Not us. I know you know this already, because I told you."

Foggy giggled. "I don't care! I'm just so happy!"

Karen sighed as Foggy darted out. She leaned against the table next to Matt, her fingers fidgeting. "Please," she muttered, "tell me, for Tessa's sake, that the other things you mentioned just now were… appropriately courteous."

Matt scoffed and gave up trying to read. "I'm the picture of a gentleman, Karen. I'm always courteous, which is why I'm not _actually_ talking about this or anything like it… yeah?"

"Oh, I hear you loud and clear. And, I fully endorse that stance, by the way. Just… I am glad that something came from that night besides this two-day hangover I'm still suffering from…" She kicked away from the table and shuffled towards the door. "Though… I'm wondering… where is the lucky recipient of your courtesy? I would think she'd be here… reveling in it or something… Joined at the hip with you. Yeah… that would have been a better comment."

It was a good question. Matt hadn't heard from Tessa since that morning. "Jessica called early. Tessa had to rush out."

And he didn't hear from her until she appeared in the office an hour or so later. Matt could tell the second she materialized that something was wrong. Her heart rate was all wrong, her breathing erratic. Foggy stood when Matt did, the two of them hurrying to her.

"Tessa?"

There was the rattle and carbon whiff of newspaper. She shoved one into Foggy's chest. Both he and Karen groaned and Tessa's hands found Matt's. He didn't need the headline read for him, he didn't need to feel it. He could feel Tessa's terror.

"Oh my God, how have we missed this?" Karen was typing frantically.

Foggy was ripping through the newspaper beside her. "Try international news stations. Try BBC World…"

Matt was still reeling, soaked in Tessa's panic. He felt for her face, found only fear. Her chin was trembling, her eyes wet through the suit. He could feel his own chest tightening with the same dread. "What happened? Did they pick a fight at the signing?"

"Worse, Matt… They were bombed... the UN building. And... And they remember. I don't know how, but they remember. Vision came to Jess's last night looking for me… The UN was blown to hell and Stark… Stark's about to blow my life wide open."

**Author's Note:**

> Jessica Jones- I have no idea where this Jessica comes from but she's been a voice in my head for a while... I think of her as a combination of Eliza Dushku and Sailor Jupiter meets Freema Agyeman. Don't ask. She's clearly not the Krysten Ritter MCU version we'll get and I'm okay with that. She kicks ass and will largely follow her 616 arc.  
> Natasha Romanoff- my sun, my moon, my stars. I love Natasha Romanova. I bet you'll get that in the following chapters. She's CA:WS Natasha, plain and simple. And she deserved better. Period.  
> Clint Barton- Hawkguy. I'm talking, Matt Fraction's human crap sack, Clint Barton. This is 616 Clint and I will take no substitutes. Not Ultimate. 616. Not Jeremy Renner. Think, 6'2", fit but floundering marksman. Think Jensen Ackles, think Michael Ealy, think Chris Pine, think Tyler Hoechlin, think anybody, I don't care, but he's not Jeremy Renner. He's deaf and a walking disaster, who lives in Bed-Stuey with a dog, probably eating pizza and drinking coffee, hating himself. That's my Clint Barton.  
> Tony Stark- largely MCU. I'm among the converted masses who, after the trailer premiered for the film, could not hear the words Iron Man or Tony Stark without conjuring RDJ's face into their head. That was in 2007. RDJ's been my Tony Stark for eight fucking years. Damn you, RDJ.  
> Helen Cho- One of the few gems squirreled away from the film that shall not be named. I think she deserved more, which sadly she won't get much of here as I'm already juggling a fuck ton of characters. But I won't go against canon characterization...  
> Steve Rogers and Co.- when they appear you will hopefully recognize them as being CA:WS+ some 616 qualities. I haven't deviated much with the Captains. Sam Wilson is a perfect treasure. Oh, and I love Bucky Barnes.  
> Vision & Wanda Maximoff- the other two gems stolen away with Helen Cho. They'll be chimeras of their MCU and 616 selves as well.  
> Dr. Strange & T'Challa- So... these two are COMING SOON, but I haven't seen much about them beyond the obvious, so they're conjured from my speculations about the MCU future and the 616.  
> Dr. Bruce Banner- Sweet turtledove. This one is Mark Ruffalo through and through. His performance in the Avengers made a lasting impression despite my skepticism coming in. But from The Avengers only. Though, I don't know where else you'd get an idea of his Marvel cinematic presence...  
> Wade Wilson a.k.a. Deadpool a.k.a. The Merc' with a Mouth a.k.a. -- that's enough. Ah, Deadpool. Finally getting the attention you deserve, even if it's entirely retconned. I'm fine with it. All the same, despite Ryan Reynolds taking another crack at our Regenerating Degenerate, this is 616 Deadpool, the demented, the psychotic, the endearing. You can picture Ryan Reynolds if you want. That's your prerogative (and canon according to Kelly). But he better have Demi Moore's voice in your head.  
> Nelson and Murdock Attorneys at Law- Matt, Karen, and Foggy are largely influenced by Netflix's R-rated take on them. I mean, when you say Matt Murdock, my brain brings up Charlie Cox with his shirt off, not Ben Affleck. But beyond that, it's like most of the others: a good potpourri of MCU and 616.  
> The rest... should be obvious. Or you could ask. Whatever floats your boat.


End file.
